Lessons Learned While Lovingly Locked

Hello everyone, thanks for taking the time to follow me on my own little chastity journey! This post will be a background to my wife and I’s current situation. I just started a new chastity sentence today, and am very excited to share my experience as it develops. Please share your thoughts and ideas!



For starters, I've had some experience with chastity in previous relationships, while my wife has kept her kinks to herself and only really had vanilla relationships before me. When I first brought up my interest in BDSM--probably on our second or third date--she told me she was only interested in being the submissive partner. I really didn't mind taking the dom role, but it didn't take long for her to get a lot more confident with expressing her own kinks and ultimately finding equal pleasure in switching. Even so, she's always held herself back due to serious shyness. I've done my best to be patient and supportive, allowing her to find what works for her and she's been slowly blossoming into quite the kinky femdom flower. She now wields a strap-on like a pro and nothing seems to turn her on more than bruising my butt with a paddle. It's actually a little scary sometimes how much she enjoys overwhelming me with pain and pleasure.

Unfortunately, she's had a much harder time getting into my biggest kink, chastity. Short term (few hours usually, couple days max) she 'gets' it and likes teasing me, but once I ask for more things get weird. She's said she has no problems with longer term chastity, but I could tell that she wasn't fully comfortable with it even if she didn't realize it. She sort of ignored it and would avoid bringing it up when she was holding the key, which honestly left me feeling ignored and unfulfilled. I did my best to keep my expectations reasonable and be gracious that she was willing to try it (and of course focus on pleasuring her as much as I could), but it just didn't feel right to either of us and so every time we tried it would just fizzle out in less than a week.

Eventually I just started doing self-imposed chastity and unlocking myself whenever she wanted to fuck. She seemed to ignore it which I figured confirmed that she wasn't at all interested. Imagine my surprise when she asked me to give her the key and hinted that it would be longer than we had every gone before I got released. I did my best to encourage her by being as pleasing as I could. Aside from spending hours worshiping her body, I showed her that just because I was locked didn't mean she always had to be dominant and we could still switch in the bedroom, which she really enjoyed.

About five days in, though, the same problems came up. She was clearly avoiding the chastity angle and I got the distinct vibe that she wasn't comfortable in the long-term keyholder role. Realizing that she wasn't going to have her own epiphany for the kink as she had with others, I flat-out asked her what was wrong. I'm sure many readers here are wondering why I didn't do that a long time ago, but her shyness can make it really hard to get a straight answer and I didn't want her to feel like I was pressuring her to be someone she wasn't. She told me she just couldn't get over the idea of me not getting off and still being satisfied, no matter how much I reassured her that was the case.

A lot of the tips I've seen about introducing chastity to a relationship have focused on showing the keyholder all the benefits it can have for them. A full body massage followed by a half-hour of oral service is a pretty compelling argument, I agree. What often gets missed, though, is that the keyholder might still have their own personal need to reciprocate through action and not just be a passive recipient. The problem in our dynamic wasn't that she was uncomfortable with chastity kink per se, but that I'd been inconsiderate of her own need to do things that make me feel good.

The solution ended up being shockingly simple: I just shared my own fantasies with her. When locked I like to use writing as an outlet, so I already had plenty of random snippets to send to her. Some were just brief "this would be hot" ideas in a list, others were more detailed scenes or scenarios of tease and denial and the way she could 'use' chastity to dominate me. I had held a lot of this back from her before, believing that it was best to focus on her own fantasies and desires. Her attitude towards chastity after reading my dirty little fantasies with explicit consent from me to initiate any of the things that appealed to her was like night and day from before. Having a much clearer picture of what I wanted aside from just keyholding made her so much more confident.

She read through everything in the afternoon, right before we were scheduled to get lunch with a friend. She confided later that this had been a mistake as it meant she had to wait until we were back home to show me just how wet my writings had made her.

That evening she showed an uncharacteristic authoritativeness in ordering me around in the bedroom. After licking and fingering her to her first orgasm, she had me lie on my back in the middle of the bed with clear instructions not to move. As she unlocked me and demonstrated an uncanny intuition for giving a handjob without putting me over the edge, she described her reaction to what I'd written. She surprised me by saying that her favorite was one where I used our strap-on to fuck her. Compared to most scenes we've done, a teasing handjob with dirty talk was downright vanilla, but to me it was a whole new level of vulnerability and submission as I recognized that she was now fully onboard with keeping me under lock and key with no release in sight.

I see now how dumb I was to introduce long-term chastity without painting a bigger picture of what that actually entailed. I'd thought I was being considerate by keeping my own fantasies to a minimum and letting her find her own level of enjoyment with the kink, but in reality I was basically asking her to go navigate something with only half a map. In my fear of pressuring her I'd never actually considered that she might find the whole bundle more appealing the barebones version I'd given her.

Unfortunately, we were only able to keep the chastity sentence going for about a week longer before issues with sleep and chafing forced a premature end to the fun. But what a week that was! She admits to still have a lot of lingering doubts about being confident enough to initiate or follow through on certain elements (as I said before, she's very shy) and said flat-out that not everything I wrote is appealing to her. Still, she is very obviously excited to explore more of this and I'm excited to share future developments with all of you!

Love,
SS

 

As I said in my initial post, we were forced to stop that chastity sentence early. It was a big letdown as there was palpable excitement for both of us in seeing how far we would end up going. After getting unceremoniously released, I did what came naturally to me which is masturbating a lot more than I probably should have. My wife and I had some satisfying (if a bit underwhelming) vanilla sex and neither of us brought up the topic of chastity for a week or so.

Last night we started our usual fooling around on the sofa before relocating to the bedroom. She stripped me out of my clothes first, leaving a few hickeys on my chest in the process (I bruise ridiculously easily, it’s not even funny). When I tried to return the favor she stopped me and delivered the sad news that she’d just started her period. Instead of sex I got put on my back again and treated to a slippery handjob. This one wasn’t for teasing though, it was clear from the outset that her objective was to make me cum as quickly as possible. I’m not sure if I was meant to resist or not, but I think I held out long enough that she got a decent arm workout.

As I laid there, my seed turning cool against my belly, she cuddled up alongside me and caught me off-guard. “Have you fixed the chastity problem yet?” she asked with impressive casualness, like she was talking about the weather (meanwhile with years more experience my voice still gets a little shaky when I talk about chastity). I told her that I had gotten a new ring and a slightly longer cage for my HT v4. ”I don’t think it’s fair that you get to have all this fun while I can’t,” she told me. I asked if that meant I’d be unlocked when her period was over. She just laughed and told me to go clean up.

After washing the cum off, I started to put the cage on but my wife stopped me. “Let’s leave it off in the night for now,” she said. “I’ll lock you up in the morning.” The last time we did chastity I was having a hard time sleeping in the cage. I’ve read that most people are able to adjust and not have problems, but after almost two weeks I was still waking up with random hard-ons and having a very hard time falling back asleep.

One of the fantasies that I had “confessed” to her was being casually groped/toyed with without being asked. I love the idea of being basically treated like an object for her amusement. My wife happens to love the idea a great deal and--locked or unlocked--I find my bits being fondled and grabbed at least a couple times per day. This morning her hands wandered once again and teased me enough to get me hard. It took nearly a half-hour for the erection to subside enough that I could fit the cage on.

After a lovingly prepared breakfast (a sort of unspoken ‘thank you’ for being so damn awesome) I tried to fish for what she had in store for me. Her only hint was pulling up an etsy page to show me the new strap-on harness she’d bought. “It should be here by the time we go up north,” she said, referring to the vacation we have planned in three goddamn weeks . I don’t know if she actually plans on denying me for that long (or, dare I say it, if she plans on allowing me to cum even then), but the very suggestion is highly thrilling and intimidating.

I don’t know if she has any kinky stuff planned for tonight. She walked in on me melting the frayed ends of some rope and I could just about see the wheels turning in her mind. It’s usually me doing the tying though (she much prefers using either cuffs or willpower when restraining me) so whatever she was thinking probably won’t be happening soon.

On a miscellaneous note, I made an offhand comment today about being disappointed that I’d fallen out of the habit of washing all of the dishes/cookware immediately after dinner instead of leaving it for the next day. “It’s ‘cause you weren’t in chastity anymore,” my wife said and pointed out a couple other things I’d gotten more lax about. I’d made the connection between the ‘chaste headspace’ I develop and my being more diligent about housework before, but it shocked me that it was pronounced enough for her to notice. Makes me wonder what else she notices...

Love,
SS

 

Thank you both for the encouragement!

And you may tell yourself, “this is not my beautiful wife!”​

While not our first foray into chastity as a couple, this definitely feels like the first time we’ve done it properly. There’s an understanding between us of our mutual needs and responsibilities to make this worthwhile. She has misgivings about her confidence so I'm doing my best to be as open and encouraging as I can.

Last night I made us dinner (lovely veggie pasta dish of lemony parmesan goodness) then dutifully got to work doing the dishes while she lounged on the sofa sipping a dessert cocktail. While I often fantasize about incorporating chores and other forms of domestic service into our chastity dynamic, I’m not sure such a thing would be welcomed as a formal arrangement. I perform these acts of service on my own initiative for now because they do wonders for maintaining that delightful submissive headspace. She seems to understand this, and expresses her appreciation in her own wicked ways.

After putting all of the dishes away I joined her on the sofa. Being one day since my last release, I had no expectation of teasing. She surprised me by forcefully pulling me into a pretty heavy makeout session. Sex on her period is a hard no for her, so I knew this wasn’t going anywhere but frustrationville and her intensity caught me off-guard. When she steered my hand under her bra I couldn’t help but joke, “who’s teasing who here?” She bit my lip and asked me, “why should you be the only one getting teased?” God I love our weird switchy dynamic.

She ended up straddling me, grinding--still fully clothed--on my cage for what felt like forever before stopping. We sat there for a while, flushed and panting, before awkwardly going our separate ways to have some ‘cool-off time’ before bed.

This morning she forgot to tell me to lock up again and apologized. I’ve fully expected that she would forget from time to time so it didn’t bother me to have to manage it myself, but her apology was pretty heartwarming. It shows she’s taking this seriously.

One surprising development was when she talked about sending me out to pick up breakfast. It wasn’t a question, just a matter-of-fact statement just like one would talk about a servant. I made a joke about being her “errand boy” and she got a wicked gleam in her eyes that thrilled me. “Well, yeah,” she said with that same damn casualness, as if I’d told her the sky was blue.

I suspect that a lack of confidence will not be as much of a problem for her as she thinks.

Love,
SS

 

I make it from memory now since it's very simple, but I think I originally got it here. I add some oven-roasted veggies prepared with just olive oil, salt and pepper.

 

Not much to post about since last night. Having issues with my cage’s ring where one of my balls keeps slipping through, yet I’m already showing early signs of chafing, so I can’t go any tighter. Switched to a more oval ring that’s actually wider and shorter to see if that will make a difference. Fingers crossed! If this doesn’t work I’ll go back to my cherry keeper. That one’s very comfortable but has always felt about as secure as wrapping a wet napkin around my cock. I know security is just an illusion with ball-trap devices, but it’s still an important illusion!

In lieu of much development relationship-wise, here’s one of the fantasy ‘snapshots’ that I sent my wife in my clumsy-yet-effective attempt to communicate my desire for teasing. This is the one she singled out as her favorite!

Love,
SS

 

No post yesterday since there’s not much to report. Still my wife’s time of the month so she’s not interested in sexual activity beyond making out and some casual groping. She has shown a lot of growth in making sure I know that she still wants to keep going with chastity, which I appreciate.

When putting on my apron before making dinner last night (I’m noticing a common theme about me cooking triggering her domme side lol) she made a teasing comment about keeping me naked except for the apron. It plugged directly into my CFNM fantasies and I gave a bashful “you could” in reply. She thought about it but ultimately said maybe next time. I think she wants to wait until she can take full advantage of me.

I’m sure to a lot of the hardcore FLR types on this site that seems borderline vanilla, but for us it really shows how much more confident she’s growing in taking charge.

I’m starting to feel that wonderful tension in my balls again and my mind keeps drifting more and more to thoughts of sexual debauchery and delight. I’ve swapped out the old HTv4 knockoff for a genuine one with a wider ring (biggest they offer...never realized my bits were so girthy). It’s worked well so far!

Been thinking more and more about bringing up the topic of establishing rules and a system of rewards and punishments. She clearly wouldn’t be comfortable with anything that requires her to be especially ‘mean’ even if it’s my idea, but if I present a framework that’s on the lighter side she might be interested. All about finding that balance! Regardless, it’s not something I’ll bring up anytime soon since she’s still acclimating to our current, softer dynamic.

Love,
SS

 

I have some go-tos but I'm currently trying to push my horizons to making more challenging dishes. I've been encouraging her to look up dishes she'd like to see me try which is a great motivator for me. Her regular favorites are Japanese curry rice, one pot Cajun pasta, and hoisin chicken stir-fry.

 

One wonderful benefit of being in chastity is that it reduces the line between non-sexual and sexual in our relationship to a razor’s edge. During periods when I haven’t been locked or otherwise denied for some time, it usually takes longer to take an ordinary domestic moment in a more intimate direction. Like a campfire, our libidos need to be carefully stoked and fed to reach their hottest.

The cage seems to act like gasoline.

Last night, my wife wanted to test the new ring to see if it would have the same problem as the old one of my balls slipping out sporadically. This happened most often when I was positioned on all fours or ‘face-down-ass-up’ so she strapped me into our easy access spreader bar--our favorite bondage tool that does double-duty for pegging and spanking. I wriggled and writhed and my balls stayed obediently in place.

This turned out to not be a satisfactorily thorough test for my wife, who caught me off guard by bringing out three impact toys: a crop, a braided flogger and--my most dreaded--a hefty wooden paddle. She alternated randomly between all three as she thrashed my poor behind. I have no idea how long she planned to go for as we were ultimately forced to stop when my leg cramped up.

I assumed we were done, but my wife’s domme side was fully roused and far from sated. At her will I ended up on my back, cuffed to four corner straps that have become permanent fixtures on our bed. Instead of a further whipping, though, she brought out the wartenberg wheel--a wicked, spiked pinwheel designed for testing nerve sensitivity. If you’ve never felt one, it’s a difficult sensation to describe. Having it slowly driven across your taut scrotum as my wife did is fiery and overwhelming, yet oddly not painful in the way you’d expect. It’s sort of like tickle torture in the way it overloads your sense of touch.

All pretense of testing the ring were, of course, abandoned by this point. So far I’d remained locked and it had been so hot that she was giving me all of this attention while still ignoring my cock. When she tired of the pinwheel she unbuckled me and it again seemed like she was done, then she made a comment about trying out the humbler that I’d impulse-bought months ago. We’d never tried it before as it seemed like a massive pain to put on, but she was feeling extra ambitious I guess. Once again I ended up with my ass in the air, this time with my cage removed as we awkwardly teamworked the humbler around my balls.

I immediately fell in love with the evil little thing. Such a simple device kept me on my knees and the tug on my balls when I pushed forward a bit too far was delightful. My cock was pulled slightly downward and hardened almost immediately. My wife had gone so far beyond what I would have expected from her already, but I guess she felt like spoiling me by stroking me to the edge while telling me how hot I looked with the humbler. Guess I’ll be spending more time with it in the future!

I’m so impressed with my wife. She not only initiated some pretty heavy play and teasing without any hinting from me, but she also did it when she knew I wouldn’t be able to give her any direct pleasure. To me, it’s proof that she really is getting into being a keyholder and not just trying to play along for my benefit. Can’t wait to see where we’re headed!

Love,
SS