Hello everyone, I made a post in introductions yesterday and didn't realize there was a specific section for blogs. You can find my daily thoughts here - https://puppyofprincess.wordpress.com/ I was asked by PrincepsFlorum to keep this updated regularly so you'll probably be able to find multiple posts per day. I just finished recording an odd dream I had last night. It is sort of comical even if the content of the dream felt relatively serious while I was dreaming it.
I would but I have a tendency to make long posts, I'm not sure if it's particularly compatible with the forum-style message board. I'd also need to run it by PrincepsFlorum
A place just for you https://www.chastitymansion.com/forums/index.php?forums/journals-and-blogs.15/ Welcome to Chastity Mansion
Day #1 – A Puppy is Adopted My history in fetishism began in my early teens. This was the 90’s and porn was low quality, there wasn’t much of it, and what was around was stuck behind paywalls that I had no reasonable wait to access. Being the horny teenager that I was, this drove me to sites such ASSTR, Usenet forums and IRC chatroom’s. From there I was approached by a variety of older folks who were sharing their experiences I was recommended a story called “Adventures in Rubber” by an author calling themselves Dr. Hevean. The story was informative and was told from the perspective of Jason and his teen lover, Mandy, who shared some time together before graduating. Mandy sparked an interest in rubber that drove Jason to obsess over that particular fetish for most of his adult life before they were reunited through Mandy’s own machinations. After they were reunited, Jason found out that Mandy was a Dominatrix and had created a life based on fetish pursuits. It’s an interesting story and much shorter than I seem to recall, but the story itself burned a desire to explore that world. Flash forwards a few years later when I’m 16 years old. I had recently graduated and was moving to Australia for a work opportunity rather than immediately going to school. It was in Australia that I met a woman in her early thirties who took a liking to me. The relationship evolved and I ended up spending a number of years with her, and much like Jason, that experience spoiled me. She brought me into the fetish lifestyle and I was addicted. I thought I would never turn back. I figured that my Mistress and I would be together for the rest of lives. Around my 21st birthday my Mistress got sick and passed away. I was emotionally and physically devastated for years, barely coping with the loss and not being able to share it with anyone else in my life. We had practiced our love for fetishism in private and with a few of her friends. I had never introduced anyone in my life to her. At the time there was very little acceptance in the mainstream for fetishism and my family would have never understood my relationship with someone fifteen years my senior. At this point I went back to school, I jumped from degree to degree, never knowing what I wanted to do. I knew that I wanted someone in my life that was able to inspire the same level of feelings that my Mistress had inspired in me, however, that never came to be. I simply moved from casual relationship to fling to one night stand, rarely calling anyone back, because in my mind, they were dull and uninteresting. None of them exuded the strength, confidence and general sense of power that my Mistress had. I’m now 35 and it’s been fourteen years since my last relationship with a dominant personality. I have tried pro-dommes, and while I have nothing against the practice, paying for things that I felt should be a regular part of my life just never felt right. It felt like I was paying for someone’s attention and those brief moments of attention never measured up to the sadistic tendencies of my first Mistress. As a cold-blooded masochist, myself, it just left me feeling hollow and empty. Only two or three months ago, I started a personal experiment by locking myself in chastity and setting the keys in a timed safe. The experience was gratifying in some ways, especially the the weight of a heavy steel chastity device between my legs and the pinch of pain every time I saw a pretty woman on the street. Only three days ago, out of curiosity, I journeyed to the website Chastity Mansion and started perusing other people’s experiences. This led me to finding a post by Princeps Florum. I read through her post and discovered that we shared many of the same thoughts in regards to a dominant and submissive relationship. Over the course of the next 48 hours I wrote, edited, and rewrote a personal message to her. There wasn’t a word in that message that I had not thought through carefully. I wanted this person to understand what I believed true subservience was and hoped that she would understand, take me under her wing and I would be able to rediscover the feelings that I had lost when first Mistress passed away. PrincepsFlorum was, without a doubt, one of the most knowledgeable and interesting people I had met in a long time. She took my words to heart and addressed every point in my letter in a fashion I was not expecting. After only a few correspondences, I was asked to meet her on a chat client. We spoke again, learning more about one another, our personal lives and pursuits. To me, it all seemed too good to be true. It was like waking up from the fog of a dream only to find yourself back in reality, except in this case, the reality was the dream. I was asked to prove myself, which I did. I was asked to assist her in some of her endeavors, which I am. I was degraded, in a positive way. I was broken, emotionally, in a way that I had missed. I was told the truth, as honest and brutal as it is to hear. Finally, I was asked to write this blog, which I will continue to do. My Princess, in an instant, brought new meaning to my life and I’m excited to embark on this journey with her.
Day 2 – Contemplation, Learning and Change Day 2 – Contemplation, Learning and Change I woke up feeling different about myself, and the culprit was my new Princess. Being a strongly independent person for the majority of my life and rarely giving way to anyone, or anything, be it a man, woman or situation, it’s odd how at ease I am allowing someone I’ve only recently met dictate the direction of my life. Within 48 hours there have been a conversations about relocation, a contract, tasks and also work assignments. I’m still working my regular job and luckily that job deals with contracts and freelance work, which gives me a certain amount of freedom. The 9 to 5 thing has never sat well with me and I’ve worked hard to position myself so I could enjoy my freedoms as much as possible. Prior to COVID, I would regularly pick a destination, hop in the car and take my work with me. That’s changed significantly now that I’m dedicated to my Princess. This isn’t a bad thing, but to say I’m conflicted is an understatement. Leaving my home and what little family I have to join my Princess on her own endeavors is an intimidating thought. Regardless of how conflicted I feel, I’m beginning to relish the thought of spending time with her. Princess is not simply fulfilling my fetish dreams, but many dreams I’ve had of visiting places such as Oxford’s Bodleian Library. Sailing. Living in proximity to some of the greatest Universities and architectural wonders of the world. As I’ve told Princess, she’s like the dream that gives you a reason to want to go back to sleep, yet this is reality, a waking dream. Princess has the potential to enrich my life in ways I’ve given up on. It is frightening that things are moving so quickly and yet the prospect of change is exciting. Simply the thought of serving my Princess on a day-to-day basis, assisting in her research,her businesses and helping her achieve her goals, excites me. How quickly these changes will happen are still up in the air. Regardless of that, what do I do when the call to book a ticket comes? What do I tell people? What mementos should I bring to remind me of my past life, if any? What do I do with the life I’m leaving behind? I think it’s easier for me than it would be for most people simply because of how I’ve lived throughout my twenties and early thirties in almost a nomadic fashion. I’ve spent my time surfing on Tofino, or hiking in Pemberton, or jamming in Nashville, camping out in the Smokey Mountains, chasing my personal dreams from state to state, province to province and country to country, looking for a way to see my deepest desires fulfilled. I’ve only purchased my first home three years ago and have recently paid it off. I was expecting to be here for years and yet my plans were negated, happily, in only a matter of days. Princess grabbed me by my balls and dragged my fantasies to reality in a short amount of time. It goes to show that change shouldn’t be feared but embraced, even if you’re slightly fearful of the person instituting those changes. There’s an extraordinary amount of freedom in being a submissive simply because many of your choices are taken away. The confusing riddles that confound the mind in day-to-day life, those fantasies you consider while you’re sitting in your office, or turning a wrench on a car, those fantasies that get you through the day have suddenly evaporated into the ether. They have become my reality. Quite literally, I belong, body and mind, to another person. At this point I’m certain people are waiting for sexual content. Stories of my Princess’ nylons, servicing her feet, sucking her cock and being humiliated, degraded, and sexually frustrated. I promise, they will come in time. I personally believe that the difference between a fetishist and a true submissive is how they are able to submit to another emotionally, spiritually, physically and sociologically. This is not to say a fetishist can’t derive pleasure from their interactions with their dominant, but that completely surrendering to another individual who understands and respects those sacrifice inspires a peaceful state for a true submissive where as a fetishist would be far more conflicted and possibly unable to accept those changes. Life has a way of giving us what we need and I believe I have found what I needed since the passing of my first Mistress. It’s a magical state of being and one I look forward to exploring further
Day 3 – Ongoing Contemplation and a Permanent Erection Last night was fraught with unsubstantiated thoughts and that led to a restless sleep. When we made our agreement, I knew that there would be other slaves and that my role in that would be difficult yet substantial. Still, being who I am, a largely dominant and jealous person, it’s difficult to reconcile that I may be asked to submit to people I don’t respect, trust or even care for. It’s a challenging circumstance. Princess asked me once if sucking cock was a limit and I wasn’t quite certain how to answer. I’m not bisexual and I don’t think I could ever be attracted to another man. I don’t necessarily consider men a weaker gender or women a superior gender, I believe that each person is unique and should be judged based on their character. Yet, that doesn’t change the fact that I’ve never had trustworthy men in my life. The few who were there, were abusive, intolerant and downright dangerous. My experiences have polluted my ability to be bipartisan when it comes to dealing with other men. I’m standoffish, distant and simply polite to any man I meet. My answer was, “I can’t say it’s a limit, because I don’t believe in limits, I only see it as a challenge to overcome.” The truth is that I would get down on my knees and suck off a group of guys if Princess asked me to. I would be intensely unhappy and practically livid that I was being asked to do it, but it wouldn’t affect my feelings towards Princess simply because it’s her fantasy, her desire and, quite honestly, the reason I’m there. I’m there to service her needs, to make her happy and see that her dreams come to fruition. The day is still young and I’ll be adding to this as the day goes on but my journey into submission continues. Even while my Princess is busy with her own things and doesn’t have much time for me at the moment, she has occupied a space in my head and refuses to evacuate. She has taken up residence where my apprehension of day-to-day life used to reside and has turned that apprehension into a desire to move forward at a breakneck pace. Change is no longer something to be frightened of, but something to be embraced head on without fear.
Day 3 – Part 2, An Addiction to Overthinking I still wonder what drives me to abandon everything I know and even consider relocating countries in pursuit of such a depraved lifestyle. I can tell you one thing; my family wouldn’t be shy away from excommunicating me if they ever found out. I say that comically because we’re not particularly close to begin with but they are still a weight on my mind. I come from a relatively small family with no cousins, only aunts and uncles who didn’t have kids. My grandfather on my father’s side emigrated back in the 30’s and no one else followed him, so any relations there are on the other side of the pond. My mother was adopted and her adopted family and I are not close. There’s one aunt there that I respect, yet the rest of them are not very good people. My mother’s biological mom is a disaster in her own right and I’ve refused contact with her for quite a few years. The more I think about leaving, the more I consider it a blessing in disguise. I can always rent my home out once I’m finished the renovations, that’s not an issue. It will keep things tidied up at home while I’m following Princess around. Friends aren’t a large concern as most have moved on to have families. I’m fine with kids, love my nieces and nephews, yet that’s an entirely different story compared to having your own. I don’t think I’d ever be able to be the father I needed to be simply based on my predispositions. Still, I’m juggling what actually makes me a submissive and when that transformation took place. I haven’t been active in the lifestyle for over a decade except for a few trips to a pro-domme which simply left me feeling hollow. One thing I can say is Princess has a strange capacity to be able understand these thoughts and it’s reassuring to know that there’s a level of safety, trust and respect in that knowledge.
Day 4 – Fever Dreams This will be a short morning post just to catalogue a weird dream I had last night. It was one of those dreams that spanned a significant length of time and where you’re not fully aware it’s a dream, but you’re aware something is off. This gave me a certain amount of control. It’s not lucid dreaming but more like your mind is writing the story as you’re vaguely aware that what’s happening is fiction. It began at boarding school somewhere in the southern states and part of the boarding school’s program was to train physical therapists in a kinesiology program. I was assigned to a young woman named Andrea so she could practice her craft. It was an innocent relationship. I was in the sports program and needed regular therapy and she wanted be a massage therapist. After several sessions, the part of me that was slightly aware of the dream started sounding an alarm in my head. At this point there was a third, nameless, individual who showed up and put an IV in my arm. From that point I remember being pushed through the school on a gurney without anyone aware of why. When I came too, I was in chastity and still tied to the gurney. The unnamed woman spoke for a bit and wheeled me towards a small Cessna style plane and told me to get in. As I was getting into the second seat, she directed me to a body bag with a breathable front and motioned towards the cargo area. I was flown to Costa Rica in that bag, released, only to be greeted at a slave training facility run by Gilbert Gottfried. Of all people in my dream, it was Gilbert bloody Gottfried. At this point I woke up to a message from Princess, I greeted her and decided to write this down before I forgot. I’ve already forgotten many of the details but this gives you a summary. What a weird dream.
Day 4 – Part 2, the Silence is Deafening It’s odd that only after a few short days a person can become so emotionally attached to a another that their absence supersedes loneliness. It’s not an easy thing when a person consumes your thoughts but my service to Princess has taken its place as the most foremost thought in my mind. Princess is busy with her companies, busy with her family, and has had very little time to engage with me over the last 24 hours. Normally this would bother me, yet it doesn’t. There’s a relative amount of safety in knowing how committed she is to my happiness. It’s her drive, ambition and dedication that have seduced me. She’s also hot as hell. If you’ve ever woken up from a dream to find yourself back in your own body, but wish you could get back to the dream you left, I feel the opposite. Since meeting and submitting to her my dreams have been fulfilled. Visiting the most prestigious educational institutions in Europe? Spending time in some of the most notable libraries in the world? Traveling to some of the most beautiful countries on earth? Helping someone I’ve fallen for, head over heels, in their personal pursuits? Applying my own decades worth of education in a positive and meaningful way? These things are no longer a dream but have become reality, the only necessity from me is patience and service. It’s exciting, frightening and encouraging to know that there’s someone out there that understands my own ambitions and can combine them with my fetishes in order to utilize me to my own full potential. For the first time in a long time I look forward to the future and I owe that all to Princess.
Day 5 – Sadness and Growth There was a time, only days ago, that I considered myself a strong and independent person. My idea of strength and independence stemmed from my ability to shut things away and continue to move forward. I had happily made peace with the fact that I was an oddity that would never find a partner who understood and respected my desire to serve. The reason for these feelings was largely based on loss and the fact that I have been privately mourning the loss of someone incredibly important to me, even fourteen years after that person had passed. I thought that I was a lost soul who no longer could care for another in the same way others care for their spouse or significant other, and yet in only a few short days, those feelings have been turned into lies that I told myself. My mind has always gone to dark places in times of strife and I embraced those feelings like a comrade in arms. Sadness has been such a large part of my existence over the past decade that I never suspected they’d leave, and yet they have. Those feelings have been replaced by melancholy happiness. I feel melancholy because I was the one who taught myself to accept unhappiness, and now I find out it was all a lie. I had lied to myself and severely hampered myself for a large part of my life. Princess has reintroduced me to a version of myself that I thought was lost. She has taken away the brunt of the pain I felt and has taught me how to live, reach out, communicate and feel positively about the things I feel. I seem to put a lot on her plate simply by being the person I am and yet she listens, acknowledges, and continues to help me through my private struggles. Is it odd that I feel so deeply and so intensely for a person that I’ve only recently met? It’s not love in the traditional sense. Our relationship is outlined on paper, in black and white, and I’m uncertain if it will ever grow past what we’ve arranged, and yet regardless of how she’s outlined our relationship, I do feel an incredible fondness for her. I’m uncertain if I could ever feel love, in the same way, I did for my first Mistress but Princess is able to understand and respect that. She’s not asking for love, she’s asking for devotion and service, which is rewarded in its own way. I continue to wonder if this is how fetish relationships should be, a friendship and partnership based on mutual respect for one another. It’s a confusing train of thought and I’m curious if anyone else has felt something similar. I’m sure they have, I’m sure that there’s someone in out there in the big wide world who can read my words and find comradery. I’m becoming more comfortable writing these entries and I hope the growth I’m experiencing as a person continues because it is practically addicting.