Why can't we just call it a tool?

Discussion in 'Female led relationships' started by Mauiperson, Feb 20, 2021.

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  1. WhiteKnight
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    #26 WhiteKnight, Feb 25, 2021
    Some of them have teeth . . . apparently !
     
  2. madams-sissysub
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    #27 madams-sissysub, Feb 25, 2021
    I agree!
     
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  3. Locked_Up_Tight
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    #28 Locked_Up_Tight, May 1, 2021
    I'm gonna have to agree with you on that one.

    For example, spanking as a punishment isn't necessarily a kink (otherwise, parents wouldn't do it to their kids), but if you use that for sex, it definitely is
     
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  4. SubSnuggler
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    SubSnuggler Owned by Mistress2and4you

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    #29 SubSnuggler, May 4, 2021
    Context is the key.

    Spanking a child for a disciplinary infraction is a tool.

    Spanking your husband for a disciplinary infraction is also a tool, but it's just kinky if the spanking is for play in a scene.

    My Glans Armor is a tool used by my Wife to enforce our uniquely enjoyed chastity kink. I wear this tool 24/7. However some people would use the Glans Armor as a kinky toy for a night of play.
     
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  5. Mauiperson
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    Mauiperson Long term member

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    #30 Mauiperson, May 10, 2021
    Male chastity changes neurotransmitter concentrations creating a compliant mental state.

    Spanking demonstrates classical conditioning well studied in behavioral science.

    Pegging creates the same changed dynamic one would experience in boot camp. It takes a tremendous effort to change traditional stereotypical roles that have been inherent to cultural norms for centuries. Boot camp and pegging are often necesary to create severe enough change to allow cognitive acceptance of a new dynamic as relates to a new authority figure.

    Use of domestication with panties and chores reinforces the changes as described above, helping both parties understand a new reality.

    If I was talking about using similar tools in a non sexual environment, no one would use the word kink. But once these same strategies occupy a sexualized space, they become a kink. Maybe they are, but the effect as a tool is clear to me. Calling them simply a kink clouds the function of these tools and makes it hard to talk about why they are so intrinsically linked to the FLR lifestyle.

    I have submissive fantasies but raised in a culture that consciously and subconsciously inculcates the opposite dynamics. Without these tools being comfortable in the new dynamic causes significant cognitive dissonance. With these tools subs find the dynamic not only acceptable but pleasant, often referred to as subspace.
     
  6. enslavedbyc
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    #31 enslavedbyc, May 11, 2021
    My vote is against anything that “normalizes” Kink and fetish. I’m clearly in the minority, but I prefer a more exclusive club.

    I would prefer Kink and fetish (fetish is a completely watered down definition these days as it is), to return to the dark mysterious, taboo and dangerous place it came from. A club that was hard to find and intimidating to join.

    Those days are unfortunately likely gone. But I, (and the minority of similar thinking kinksters), can always hope for a backlash that chases us back into the closet. So “tools”? No thanks, that’s what normal people use in daily life. I’m not one of those normal people.
     
  7. Mauiperson
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    #32 Mauiperson, May 12, 2021
    As long as it stays a fetish, the more problematic it is for female acceptance. Thus, more difficult for husbands/boyfriends to express their desire for a flr, the slower adoption and acceptance of the life style. Just my POV.
     
  8. enslavedbyc
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    #33 enslavedbyc, May 12, 2021
    Nothing good is ever easy. Also, I’ve never found a problem introducing someone to Kink. Kink makes you the “bad boy personified” (my experience). The problem as I perceive it, is men (in many cases), want to present themselves as weak and subservient and expect acceptance. If more men would be open to a full exploration of Kink with their partner, they might end up in an FLR or something that excites her more. So yes, I’m for a slow adoption of the lifestyle. I have no desire to be a part of a “club” that just anybody can join. In my opinion that’s just boring. But fear not I hold the minority opinion, I’m sure.
     
  9. cagedfellow
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    #34 cagedfellow, May 12, 2021
    I don't mean to offend anyone but I would tend to separate the practice of controlled male chastity as a completely separate item from the rest.

    Male chastity is a basis for controlling a man's sexuality by his spouse. but this practice does not necessarily lead to the same kink practices.

    Some women like masculinity and the attributes that come with it. There are many ways to experience male chastity.

    My wife wants a man in the house with leadership. After 15 years of marriage, she still hasn't changed her mind.

    She sees herself as a queen. But recently told me, after I told her I was her knight and servant: no you are the king...

    Well, that even comes with greater responsibility... then I asked her if the king can have help from his queen in his weakness, she told me : of course and I hope!
     
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  10. Locked_Up_Tight
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    #35 Locked_Up_Tight, May 12, 2021
    Wouldn't it be better to do away with gender roles entirely and just let people decide for themselves how they want to structure their relationships / lifestyles?

    I know the primary narrative in western culture for centuries has been that women were somehow subservient to men (cough cough bullshit cough cough) but that's just an idea. And like all ideas, whether or not you agree with it is a matter of personal choice.

    You don't have to follow that narrative if you don't want to. Nor do you need any kind of sex play to change your mind on it.

    All you need to do is stop focusing on gender and treat people as people. It is that simple

    Not that there's anything wrong with FLRs of course. If that's your thing, then more power to you. But I just don't see why there has to be some big to do about a woman taking the lead. If she wants to lead, then she can. It's just a matter of deciding what you want and committing to it.
     
  11. Mauiperson
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    Mauiperson Long term member

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    #36 Mauiperson, May 13, 2021
    I think years of social conditioning are not going flip overnight. But small steps of pushing towards normalization as other types of relationships have been normalized over the last few decades.
     
  12. Locked_Up_Tight
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    #37 Locked_Up_Tight, May 13, 2021
    If you believe that's a difficult mindset to change, then it will seem hard to you. If you think it's easy, then it will be easy.

    It's all in your head
     
  13. Mauiperson
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    Mauiperson Long term member

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    #38 Mauiperson, May 13, 2021
    It's not my head that matters. It is the viewpoint of our female partners that matter.
     
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  14. hardbodysub
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    hardbodysub BrokeTheMold

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    #39 hardbodysub, May 16, 2021
    Does it arouse you when she does that?
     
  15. hardbodysub
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    hardbodysub BrokeTheMold

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    #40 hardbodysub, May 16, 2021
    Both heads matter.
     
  16. Mauiperson
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    #41 Mauiperson, May 20, 2021
    I look forward to a day when an FLR discussion can be on a talk show such as Oprah or on a Women's Studies class in college, or at least their are marriage councilors that can advocate for an explain implementation of this type of relationship. There are real advantages to our community if this level of progress could ever be achieved.
     
  17. enslavedbyc
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    enslavedbyc Junior Member

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    #42 enslavedbyc, May 20, 2021
    I on the other hand just wish people would stop trying to rationalize their desires by trying to normalize them via acceptance by a broader society. Kink is okay, kink is great and even if your kink is in the tiniest minority, that's okay. There is NO normal.
     
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