Hi everyone, Fairly new to being a mistress, and I always feel like there are things I still don't know and more things I could add to my collection of ideas for being a good mistress so that I have a better response from my subby. Rewind to October, I decided to try locktober and I'm told it was the most boring month ever with chastity *sigh*.. and he's not wrong. We made it until almost the end of the month and then had to go away for a couple days (covid friendly of course) and we took it off before leaving and that was it. To be honest, life gets busy sometimes and we live with a parent, so often nighttime is when we have time and sometimes we are tired or whatever. Long story short for that part, just sort of an uneventful 3 weeks in chastity unfortunately. I still of course had fun and pleasure during loctober, but subby not so much.. and I will admit it could have been much better. Subby also has a hard time getting into his subspace sometimes and I'm eager to get him there again efficiently. I could talk about our locktober experience for longer but I will keep it short for today, as the reason for this post is for some inspiration and ideas. I wanted to reach out to some seasoned submissives and mistresses for some ideas and suggestions. We are getting back into it for this month and I want it to be GOOD! Like best experience ever! So please friends, if you will so kindly, share with me, what are some of your favourite (or least favourite but good) punishments, games, teases, scenarios, rewards.. anything! Share anything, the best of the best, the worst of the worst, tips for me, etc.I always feel like knowledge is power, and power is what I'm looking for. I was not the party who brought chastity into the relationship, so I knew nothing about it when I started, and I do still have more to learn, I know. I LOVE when he is in Chasity but I need to learn more ways to spice things up, engage him and get him into that subspace faster. Sometimes he can be difficult and unruly! I have discussed in a few previous post. Share away! Thank you kindly. queenofhearts
It's awesome that you feel this way and want to engage it. Good for you guys. My Goddess and KH loves roleplays, board games, and games of chance. I use Reddit a fair amount for ideas of fun little games to play that can carry submissive rewards and punishments and can make it light and fun. Devil's advocate here, in my case, I feel like as a sub it is still important for me to engage back by also contributing to the general ideas. A few weeks ago I built a series of challenges for my Goddess using a tv game show as the format. It was full of rewards and things she wouldn't desire, as "prizes" for winning or losing each event. It created a lot of fun and laughter but never really had to drop our Domme/sub dynamic. As subs we all want things done to us that we didn't exactly expect or predict, but with that said, as a Domme, you have these feelings too. Encourage him to play back as well, and involve in the creation of your little world. Two minds are more devious than one.
Restraining and edging are go-tos that always wind me up, and I just found out that she literally gets off on this, too. Can be as elaborate or simple as time allows. She also requires nightly footrubs followed by oral service. Snuggling afterwards is frustrated bliss.
There is no right or wrong way to do this. Just communicate and be honest, both people need to be ok with everything & both need to be open to trying what the other person wants... Misery serves no relationship well.
One thing to remember is to put your needs at the top. If you are helping him live his fantasy, but it also has to rev you up too. As much as it can. As mentioned, edging, lockups, playful bondage and discipline sessions can work. So can him giving you personal attention from body rubs, helping with pedicures/manicures, or just dong more chores. Also meeting your sexual needs, as you like, while keeping his at bay. The options are many but i'd encourage you to choose things that personally appeal to you and mix his needs in as you go.
I would suggest having him strip naked. Then giving him a good spanking. One that is not just playful but painful as well. While doing it remind him of who is in control. Then take him into the shower. Have him knell and give him a golden shower and lwt him know you did it to mark what is yours. If you feel he deserves it let him wash you feet
when you lock him up your in charge. you get to define what chastity is. chastity does not have to be about no sex or rarely having sex. chastity can be about not have sex with anyone but you. it can become having sex when where and how you want to. i find chastity is about self exploration. i am the one in charge and i want bigger better and more orgasms than i ever dreamed possible. it stopped being about him a long time ago. it is at that point when i was free to have as much excitement and fun in as many ways as i could can dream of. the bottom line here is she who defines things is the one with the power.
We use chastity as a way of spicing up our sex lives but are also committed to many of the principles. I do wear a cage mostly 24X7, she is the key-holder and we usually agree on the duration of the lock-up (she will negotiate changes to extend), she can be very dominant and also fun and kinky, and we enjoy sex. Right now we are in the middle of a negotiation and I was thinking back and considering asking for a thing or two from our past fun sessions. Chastity was not always fun for me in the beginning and if it was not for some of her cleverness and way of me wanting more, we might not be as committed as we are today. It started one summer day a few years ago out by our pool, the property is secluded and she decided to remove her suit and parade around naked. She suggested i do the same and after a while I did and she teased me all day naked body against naked body in and out of the water. Just before dinner, she unlocked me and fucked my brains out on the cushions on the ground and after I came gave me an offer not to be refused. If I lock up immediately, we can repeat the same thing next weekend, I set the record for re-caging. Toward the end of that same summer, we had the most miserable weekend with rain and could not go out to the pool for our weekly fun time. She asked me to trust her and said she had a plan to make things interesting and I needed to keep an open mind. However, she told me if she has to stop before completion, I would be left stranded and not experience the ending she had planned. She took me to the basement and had me strip and put on our old bdsm suspension cuff and connected me to the pulley. Once settled, she left the room and returned back about 30 minutes later in her old domme gear and heavy make-up. She hit the switch and once my feet were off the ground she tied my ankles off. She took out her flogger and a few other implements and we'll skip to the end where I was nice and red and warm all over. The thing about a good whipping is to leave no real marks or welts, just a nice memorable glow. She let me down and took me over to the stockade and did what I can best describe as the ultimate sensation. Normally in this position I get a milking, relieves the pressure but so unsatisfying. She sat on the floor and got her 2 fingers in and started the massage. When I was starting to grown, she positioned herself more on her knees and took my caged cock into her mouth and started to suck. In less than a minute, I experienced one of the best orgasms I ever had either caged or un-caged. By keeping it interesting, she has me wanting more and the surprises make it worth the wait. Of course, there are times when she purposely leaves me a little frustrated, but when she pushes the envelop it make it worth the anguish. Again, we are not FLR or Master/Slave but a couple who enjoys using chastity to make it real interesting.