I was 33 when I realized that I was living a lie. Trying to be something I wasn’t. All my life I’d been told I was a born leader, and in all my jobs I had I’d quickly become a manager. I used my money to buy objects of status. I went to the gym to build an impressive physique. I had a beautiful wife and a “perfect” life. I had a dominant and macho exterior. It was as if the more I tried the more I realized it wasn’t working. At a leadership training course the teacher flat out said that it is common for managers to have low or no self-esteem. These they collect symbols of status as if to prove to themselves they have self worth. But it never works. They will always feel its not enough. I immediately realized that she was talking about me. I decided then and there to stop living the lie and embrace and accept myself for who I was inside. That was now MANY years ago (12) and it’s been quite the journey into slavery and happiness. The most important thing for me in a relationship is that I get to be myself at home. That I’m not required to try to be something that I’m not. I do enough of that at work. At home I want to to serve another's need, be submissive, a slave. I really have no self esteem, no sense of self worth other than from what I can give others. If you don’t demand of me to have any I'm sure we'll get on fine. I don't want to man-up. I just want to submit. I want to focus all my love and care on my owner. And those who wishes to fix me. Please don't. I have had the fortune to meet several amazing dommes since I accepted myself. But as soon as it becomes good I find something minor to have a problem with and I run away. Men don't scare me away the same way. Even though I am 100% straight I only date men now. I get turned on by being humiliated, so it works. Since June this, year I have a master and I'm happy with the arrangement. I'm in a stable of slaves. I'm not monogamous. The goal is still to meet a woman to submit to. The dream is to be in a female led relationship. Back when I wasn't in chastity I masturbated a lot. It was probably a kind of addiction. The result is that I can't masturbate at all anymore. I haven't had a cock orgasm since June 2019. My master uses my holes instead. It's much better A domme I have been seeing recommended I read L - u - c - y's profile on Fetlife. That's how I found this place. I'm UnownedSwede on Fetlife
I think the problem is a lack of self love. It's like I don't want to be in a club that accepts people like me. It could work if I was one man in a stable of owned men. Then I wouldn’t feel so much pressure. I think