My wife and I only get to see each other on the weekends. My wife is uninterested in chastity, or orgasm control, or even leading in the bedroom. For three weeks, I kept myself locked, and on each weekend, we would have sensational sex. I would first get her off by whatever means she desired (oral is my favorite). Once she had hers, then I would enjoy finishing in her. (Her preference). Part of what made it great is that I was staying locked, not masturbating, thus allowing me to orgasm. If I masturbate while away from her I am unable to orgasm with her. While I would be very happy if she would deny me orgasm, she is disappointed if I don’t finish in her. Well, after the third week, I felt like my staying in chastity did nothing for her, and for the next two weeks, I masturbated continually. At least once every day, occasionally twice. For me, now, that’s about all I can do. It was kind of like; well I’ll show her. Then came the next time we were together, I could not get enough of her aroma, or taste, or feel of her. I gave her a very nice orgasm but was unable to get the slightest bit hard. I didn’t even try. In my highly aroused state, I blurted out to her that I had been masturbating profusely. Telling her was almost exciting to me. She asked me if I preferred to masturbate instead of saving sex for her. That caught me a little off guard. I responded that I preferred to have sex with her but I was unable to refrain from rubbing myself without assistance. She told me that didn’t make her feel very good that I couldn’t wait for her. I of course felt terrible and wished that I had just kept my mouth shut. Since then, I have kept myself locked. Without the cage, I am unable to refrain. It has now been 7 days since we last had sex, and I think 8 since my last orgasm. I wish she could finally see the connection of me being in chastity, and being a better husband for her. I don’t think she ever will. I would be so happy if she would share any aspect of chastity or dom with me. Even if it was just a weekend, or if she would deny me an orgasm after getting hers, or even demand that I don’t masturbate without her approval. Anything. One of the nights in the first three week, after sex, I asked her that for my birthday, I would like her to buy us matching panties. Just something to spice things up. I am completely expecting my wish will have been on deaf ears. I am so lost.
I think the biggest problem is that she has no interest in participating in your fantasy. This results in you being frustrated. It sounds familiar and I was unable to somehow speak about it. It ended in us getting separated. Talk to her, don't push, but let jer understand your viewpoint. Good luck
Sounds like she isn’t too interested in this. I think she would be willing to amuse your fantasy if you were able to refrain from playing with yourself and saving it for her with self discipline. let her know how important she is to you and tell her how hard to was to resist the temptation. At the bare minimum you will atleast let her know you have made a conscience effort to please her.... she might be able to correlate that to having you please her in other ways.
If she doesn’t have any dominant tendencies you may as well forget it. She won’t enjoy it and will resent it if you try and force it on her. Tell her you love her with all your heart and you just don’t have the willpower to not think about her intimately when you are apart so you need a little help. Ask her if it’s ok to lock up before you part ways and to let you have the key when you get back together. It may evolve beyond there but don’t force it. You can keep a spare key with a security key for emergencies and you can show her you didn’t break the seal when she gives you her key.
Her feelings that you value masturbation so much your willing to sacrifice PIV with her is quite understandable. Seems like a rational reaction from her to me. it’s not her responsibility to understand how caging you would make you a better husband. You’d be a better husband if you thought about her needs and disinterest in chastity etc on equal terms with your own fantasies and desires. Perhaps if you start treating her sexual needs as equal to your own, you’d forego masturbating because it’s good for her, not to petulantly jerk yourself off to show her who is boss. I suspect once she understands how important she is to you, that you are willing to compromise for her benefit, she’d likely be more open to compromising for your benefit. Just my two cents. Relationships are complicated.
You can't force someone to be dominant. It ends up being very unfulfilling to them. Just like what your experiencing from another angle. Instead, just wear your cage during the week and have a great time with her on the weekend. What's more important? your fantasy or your wife?
Maybe when you see her next, let her see you wearing the cage. Buy her a key necklace; not necessarily your key, but one she'd wear as jewelry, that would represent holding your key. See what happens.
You can also buy a Kitchen Safe on Amazon and keep the keys locked until Friday afternoon. She wouldn’t even have to know you are wearing a cage during the week. Aren’t sex and intimacy just mind blowing when you don’t ever masturbate? Maybe you need to set parental controls on your devices to keep you away from erotica during the week? I rarely get excited enough when alone to masturbate unless it’s fueled by erotic video or stories. Porn is like sugar. We evolved to love it because in the limited amounts we could get it, it was beneficial for us to get all we could. Now we are at a point that we can get unlimited amounts of what was once rare and now we are overloaded and it’s harming us. Unfortunately for men, humans evolved so that men are always ready when a woman was ready and willing and women evolved to be finicky and chosey which makes the males constantly try to keep their mate or potential mate happy.
@LoneMan, what happened in the third week that made you feel like you being in chastity was doing nothing for her?
Nothing happened. That’a exactly what happened. I would relish if she made any comment, requested or even told me not to masturbate. At this point, I don’t think she will ever make the connection. I am currently at 2.5 weeks since I last got myself off. I keep myself locked pretty much all the time. We have had piv once. I’ve decided to just try and keep myself locked as much as I can and see what happens. I occasionally let her know that my key is staying on her night stand.
I think that may be the best approach. Many partners take years before it clicks, and some never do. But for now, she knows you’re wearing the cage and, even if it does nothing for her, it doesn’t sound like it’s pushing her away either.
You can’t get blood from a turnip. Even if chastity would be a perfect solution, you know she would love the results, and deep down you already treat her like she’s in charge. If she isn’t comfortable with being that way, acting that way, or seeing you that way, it’s just not going to work. Some men actually do this with their cross dressing. It’s not so much about the clothes, I mean it’s just clothes right? No it’s also about perception and expectations. Seeing your manly husband, someone they have a certain knowledge of, dressed up in women’s clothes is changing their perception and confuses them. You can’t take it back once it’s seen, and it wrecks their ideal. She has the identity of being the feminine one, she is the one that gets seduced and chased, what’s going on?! So if she is hardwired to be more of a submissive, you’ve talked about you wanting her to take more of a lead, and she hasn’t, I doubt it’s something she would ever really accept.
I agree with other posters, I think the problem is your wife has no interest in chastity or kink, so I think you need to sit down and have a talk about it, I do know how you feel about having it ignored and forgotten about, as this is a powerful tool my madam uses on me if I am to pushy or bitchy, or if I just misbehave, It’s horrible and it soon teaches me my lesson! I how you can sort things out.