Hi there, I’m a 32 year old male with a 26 year old wife. Before marriage, I told my wife about my fantasy and we’ve gotten into it for a little over 2 years. We started pretty mellow just using it during sex play and eventually moved up to a vice device where we’d play for a little longer (3-4) days where she’d have me do chores and whatnot. we bought a custom resin device and were hoping to move into more long term play but both feel a little vanilla and my wife has some confidence issues worrying less about her own satisfaction and more about “if her actions are meeting my fantasy” and it’s a hump we’re trying to get over. We’re very open minded and are hoping to find some awesome answers here. Glad to have found such an awesome group!
Welcome to our community and hope you find it useful to be part of it. Keep communicating and it should work out. Good luck and enjoy.
Welcome to the Mansion. Always a tricky one, how to be a successful domme/keyholder/Mistress/dominant with someone you care about. First step, talk, second step is to talk more. Give feedback, tell her the things you liked and thought she was good.... don't talk negatives, suggest not dictate, and thank her for what she's doing. You maybe want to ask what she wants too... its not all about you
Welcome! As previous said, communication is the key. Chances are that she will be overwhelmed by her role once the initial frustration is over. From the other hand, if you both really listen to each other then you will stay on track, nothing to worry about. So, have you experienced a long term orgasm denial yet? And since long for some people here could be a year or more, let’s stick to a week to 14 days.... Have you?
Have a discussion and let her know what you would like out of chastity and get her feedback. Then ask her about what she would like? Focus on what she would like and things will progress with time.
Then in my experience and to MY taste, you are both still missing a major aspect of chastity... You will be amazed how orgasm denial will affect your behaviour when hormones start to accumulate in your body and your biology knocks on you door yet you literally don't have the key to open it! This is a phycological aspect to be evaluated by both of you and you must only give it a few days until it is prominent, just a few days of being extremely horny and not ejaculating, you' ll see! Most likely your tongue will hurt too! Start with 3-4 days, that will do it I guess, have fun!
Ah, in general resin is not recommended for extended long term use due to cleaning and drying issues, I would remove it for cleaning and back on again.
We've done 3-4 days, but that's about it... I think a week would probably be good. I really just want her to be comfortable.
I always like to encourage people to find their limits. I also like to encourage those discovering chastity to enjoy playing with it, but also, experience a real break-in period, with the mentality that it could go on and on for a 'long time',.,. Just start off slow, and work up to a month. You may never decide to stick with that sort of duration, but it's worth trying it out to see you can do it. THEN, you can either back off or give it a break or just keep going. Never know till you try, right? Anyway, durations aside, your wife will need to be comfortable with what you are doing, as well as what she has going on. The only way either of you will know what the other is feeling or thinking about is to have good communication. Any relationship requires communication! Even those living out a D/s Mistress/slave thing need to take a regular scheduled moment, like once a week, and take the hats/roles off and just talk openly and peacefully about what is going on.. This isn't for whining or complaining, just discussing issues, potential ideas, etc. Without that quiet time for the couple, one or both may think everything is just wonderful for the other, where in fact something could be horribly wrong.... Just my $0.02 on the matter... Best of luck to you both!
This is super helpful! I agree that communication is huge, especially because we have a great loving relationship and I think we're both figuring out where we want to get in terms of the D/s dynamic. We've actually been working up slowly, but we usually get to a few days then kind of putter out.
Whelp, some couples can't do the D/s thing entirely, it's just life! Many enjoy the chastity thing or just in the bedroom thing and it works for them that way. Allowing some of that to spill over into other aspects of life without a strict D/s thing for everyday or everything else can be fun 'enough'. Perhaps the opposite of 'hard limits', have some things that are specific and you both enjoy how they are going, but remain flexible for everything else.. Just communicate how you feel about new things that sprout up, learn from the things that you don't like and keep moving.... Some 'days' will be about 'everything else', that's life!
From one married sub to another... 1. Help Her to figure out what Her ideal version of D/s is. This takes a while and will surprise you when She finds Her voice. 2. Request humbly that She corresponds with actual, real Women of the same identity category. Dominant Women talking to Dominant Women is a different and ultimately most beneficial dialogue. 3. Enjoy the moments and quit comparing them to expectations. xo nancy