Money management /salary to Owner

Finances has been a big challenge for us. We had separate bank accounts. I was ‘between opportunities’ for about 6 months. We have 2 daughters in private school, so expenses are high. Not really through crazy irresponsible spending my credit cards got out of control. My wife was really upset about our financial situation that was getting worse every month. She stated she was planning on leaving me, saying she could not handle the financial stress. She agreed to refinance the house, on the condition that she keep my credit cards, and I am put on an allowance. I suggested that both our salaries go into a new joint account, she pushed back hard. The new arrangement is that the mortgage and new home equity loan is directly paid via payroll deduction in my bi-weekly paycheck. The balance of my check is direct deposited into our joint account. I will pay other household bills via ACH from that joint account. We both have access to the joint account, but neither of us have a debit card from it. Our agreement is only preapproved household bills get paid from the joint account. Her job pays her via direct deposit to her own account, and I have no access to it. She Zelles me $140 allowance when she gets paid every 2 weeks for me to use for my commuting expenses, etc. I have no access to her account. If for reason I need more money, she will Zelle it to me. The money in her account is used for any discretionary spending for all of us, clothes, going out to dinner, gifts, entertainment, etc. I am enjoying the peace of mind knowing my credit cards balances are zero, and we have a solid plan to get out of debt. After years of feeling she had no control of our finances, she now has total control. She placed my credit cards in the lock box with the chastity key last night, and told me how happy she is that I finally accepted she is the boss! I always thought a little femdom was hot, but never told her that. Its amazing how her exerting her power now has made us both happy.

 

I know what he is getting at. You can have all the whips, chains, chastity cages etc to exert control, but nothing gives you total control of a person more than having control of the money. Im pretty sure that’s what he is looking for.

Even though i am a lot smarter with money than my wife is, she is still in total control of our finances. My paycheck goes direct deposit into a bank account in her name. I never have access to it. She does give me a say when it comes to financial decisions though. She will ask me my opinion, but she has the final say in what we do. She liked this set up because it shows her that i trust her to make the financial decisions.

This setup works for us, but it may not work for everybody. If you aren’t comfortable with it, i would suggest easing into it by taking financial control piece-by-piece. The joint checking account is a good start, but limit his access to it. Don’t allow him to have a debit card or checks. And if he wants to withdraw money, he needs your permission.

 

I am curious how this worked out. Might you be willing to share an update, GoddessG?

 

The OP has not posted since 2020. For all we know, they are not together any more.

 

Covid got them.

im two months into a trail where i let her take my debit card and change the password on the account. it works for us but she still sees it as my money and is way to fair.
she has some big expenses coming up and tells me how she's going to budget for it out of her own money, I remind her that everything in that account is "our" money she can use what she needs. she's just not comfortable yet

baby steps

 

Shit. Very sorry.

 

I think he was joking!

 

I'm a sucker for a dry sense of humor.

 

Actually I’m just a sucker.

 

Her taking over finances is a bridge too far. My money is just that mine. I make decent money and more then her. All her and the families needs are met and exceeded. That said I've lost all my shit in a previous marriage I will not do that again.

 

This is one of my few hard limits as well. She makes a decent living, as do I. We split mutual bills. She handles her own exclusive bills, as do I. If something big comes up involving the both of us like new air conditioning, heater, home renovations, vacations etc I usually cover it or the bulk of it since I make a bit more.

Im 50 and she’s 42. I have been through a marriage that we shared everything jointly and she took care of the bills. I didn’t know till the end how much she was either squirreling away or spending until it was all gone. I don’t plan on this ending, but I’m not starting over again financially, I’m too old.

To each their own, but this certainly isn’t a kink for me, it would be anxiety.

 

Ac hit home. Heat pump ac thing went out last year. Something like 5 grand for new one. I ate most of it with a smile. We pay our individual bills and come together on split ones but our individual money is ours.