A good reminder why I'm locked/denied, and what D/s is.

A conversation with my keyholder/Domme today on why I'm not allowed any sexual pleasure and stay locked. We have a Ds/bdsm relationship, so it's different from many of the relationships here, but a few are in the same boat.

I was feeling that dull pleasure from my prostate and getting reminded of how good pleasure can be. I wasn't having a temptation to cheat on my chastity and masturbate, but more a realization that I'm not allowed genital pleasure (outside of a couple times a year to quickly empty out without an orgasm) and I was struggling to deal with this, going into the 3rd year of strict denial/chastity.



Sometimes I need reminding. I get into that headspace of "not deserving it", or " not having any right to it", or that she gets off on my denial, and forget that it's not about me.

If I'm not looking for pleasure, or expecting any, I'm free to focus on giving it. That may simply be a foot rub, but a denied and chaste guy doesn't try and turn it into anything about themselves, or into anything more sexual, and that is what she wants from me.

For years, before we got into a Ds relationship together, she would tell me about her frustrations with male and female subs who only used serving as a way to turn things into sex, so they could get off. She's not into sex, or motivated by it, so this ended many relationships. I wanted to be different, and because it wasn't sex based, my wife gave her blessing for me to serve her. I sometimes forget what the point of my chastity is.

 

Once she banned erections, and I started wearing a micro cage (where there's no evidence of a penis) I started to feel I was that way. She much prefers me without genitals, but is aware that without them, there would be no desire and then I'd have nothing to obey, or show service through willpower. It's become normal for me that arousal is just a swelling of the pubic mound, and there's no ability to give or experience pleasure beyond that, and that is very freeing. I don't think of it as a trapped penis anymore. That was a huge step forward for us.

 

I wouldn't say horny all the time, no. Frustrated to some degree, yes. I've always been wired to enjoy giving pleasure more than having it, so it's been maybe a bit easier for me. I learned years ago to enjoy sex with no orgasm, and eventually to prefer it. If this was me, 10 years ago, then yeah, because we were using chastity more to make sex more intense and desirable, as I'd gotten more wired to get hard to porn than to sex with my wife. Now I don't masturbate, and sex with my wife is me locked, and using a strap-on, on her, and I'm fully hard (locked) and always eager, even if it's not frequent. This is a big improvement for us, and a big part of why my wife has allowed me to serve and be fully chaste for my keyholder.

If I was horny all the time, my focus would be on myself, and doing things to earn the reward of orasm or pleasure. For us, that's not being focused on serving, because the reward is more important than the service. The many year process for us, has been to get me to get my pleasure by way of serving, and not as a reward at the end, if that makes sense? My keyholder/Domme wants to be served, because I want to serve, and I started serving her, because i really do enjoy serving her. I didn't expect to end up in chastity/denial to the point that I am. My wife doesn't want me horny all the time, either. For both women, they enjoy being able to get a massage or a foot-rub, and not have it turn into sex. Someone who is ready and willing, on their terms, and on their time, is ideal, rather than me being needy and horny. We treat it like an addiction to being horny and wanting to get off, if that makes sense too. For them, a horny guys is just looking for a fix, and will do anything to get it. A guy who enjoys denial and chastity, and is there to give pleasure is the ideal we are working towards.

 

Also, the 2 times yearly is an experiment. We are hoping that we can reduce the need for emptying me out, but that all depends on how the emptying goes in a few months, and if there are any issues with discomfort and the nature of the discharge when the time comes. Hopefully we can stay with 6 months (Ive had a vasectomy, so there is that) but we may have to adjust it till we find an interval where the semen looks normal and everything goes smoothly. Ideally it will work out, and 6 months will be enough, because it really takes the mind away from the self, and more onto the serving.

 

I'm finding that now that I'm my 50's that I can't get really horny without direct stimulation. Being locked, I seem to peak at "Really really frustrated" if there's making out involved, or similar. In my 30's, I would get really horny though. My wife and my keyholder don't have high sex drives, so we seem to be good with me being "Ready and willing", over being full on horny. Part of the concept is to get me closer to matching our drives. That's just us, and us right now, so no knock on what anyone else is doing in any way!!!