I am a married male in my mid fifties. We used to have a very active sex life but due to medical reasons, my wife's libido has decreased during the last 2 years. We have sex a few times a month ... sometimes PIV, sometimes I give her oral. So far she does not show any interest in chastity. So I have been discovering it myself ... What I actually do is to tease myself for days, even weeks without actually cumming. Whenever I have the feeling that it is too much already, I would milk myself to get some relief. But I try - by all means - to avoid any form of orgasm while playing with myself. When I have sex with her, I reach orgasm maybe once or twice a month. So I do watch porn, I do stroke my cock and I don't use any chastity device. Would you call this "chastity"?
Sure; you don't need a cage to practice chastity. Nor is there a "rulebook" you have to adhere to. If you're not having orgasms, you're being chaste.
I agree this is chastity. Very similar to what I do. Many here call it an honor system of chastity as there is no mechanical limitation keeping you chaste. You say, wife is not interested, I assume you talked to her about it. Were you wanting a FLR too?
Yes, I talked to her a long time ago ... showed her my caged cock but she was not amused at all. She kinda respects that I wish to restrain from orgasms but at the end of the day she always wants me to come when we have sex together. I think she simply does not get the concept. I am not sure if I would like to live an FLR but as she is not interested, I don't have to think too much about it.
For me this would not sound "chasted", as you are still deciding yourself about what, if and when. My personal opinion about chastity is that it is something between two partners. The chasted partner gives over the full control of his/her sexual pleasure and relief to the other partner or keyholder. By giving over this full control, the effect is that you become devoted to put your partner on row 1 first without "managing yourself". I agree that a cage is not necessary to be chasted. Like me, I am more mentally than physically chasted. Also an FLR does not automatically mean chastity, although in almost all cases it does. Finally, by confessing my desire to become chasted to my Love, I gave up masturbation and watching porn. I think the latter should be an important step for you to make to become "chasted". Your question and short story tells me that you might not be on communication about this with your better half. Correct me if I am wrong. What is the reason you want to be chasted? Do you want to improve something in your relationship? My best advise to give is talk and talk with your better half. Once you overwin this major step to share with her your thoughts, desire and wish to become devoted to her, she might step on board. Confronting her with your caged cock does not mean a discussion about desire, devotion, intimacy etc. All the best! There are loads of good advises and directions on this platform to extract!
No, I would not. I would define chastity as abstaining from solitary activities intended to provide sexual gratification regardless of whether you orgasm. That means no porn and no edging. It also means: No dressing up in women's clothes as a kink. No running around naked as a kink. No spending hours with something up your ass. Those 3 being frequent topics of conversation on this site. Orgasm denial is a separate but related kink to chastity. If done with a partner, a guy could orgasm 3 times a day, every day and still be practicing chastity. If that guy is constantly watching porn and edging himself, he could go without orgasm for a year and not have practiced chastity for a day.
I think I would love to fully submit to my wife in an FLR - however, this would also require her to be really interested and committed to this way of living. I read many postings here about men submitting to a woman who is more or less ignoring him sexually. I would definitely not want to do that. Thank you everybody for your valuable input!
In that case you have to open up a conversation with her. Forget about cages and all the imaginations and kinks you see on the internet. Once the conversation starts, tell her that you love her so much that you would like to invest in a deeper relationship with a different style of intimacy. Tell her that you are giving up masturbation and watching porn. Then, ask her if you may do nice things to her instead of that, not meaning sex. Therefore, you may consider treating her with a lovely massage before bed-time, giving her a foot rub after a day of hard work, prepare a nice warm bath with oil and bring her a glass of wine once she is enjoying the bath, prepare the meal at the time she is coming home etc. Once she may recognise your changed behaviour, then consider a next step. Give it time and be patient, work on this without pressuring her into anything. If you realy want this, it starts with a deep investment and dedication from your side first. This is how to start developing your submission and devotion to her. Once she recognises and enjoys your changed behaviour, you may explain her about the "Chemistry" in a mens brain, caused by an orgasm. If you want, I can guide you to recent posts about this. Once my Love understood about what causes my mood swings and diverted attention after an orgasm, she clearly decided that she will be in charge about that from that moment on. Since my own confession about chastity and explaining her my desire to improve our relationship with deeper intimacy and closer feelings, we are now 10 months on the road. I carefully conclude that the concrete of our new fundament becomes stable yet. Perhaps soon, we may lay the first brick on that fundament to build our FLR relationship further. What I mean to say is work on it continuously, without any pressure, keep talking with her about your feelings and in between "treat her as a Queen" like you did never before.
Thank you so much elias, for your valuable input. I will think about it to find out first if this scenario could be "mine" ... I don't know yet.
Hi @Otto9 After 2 year my wife still wants me to have an orgasm when we have sex - in whatever form that takes. Largely that is because she doesn't think it is fair that she receives an orgasm and I don't. But she also likes to make guys come - she gets a bit of a thrill/rush to know that she can excite a guy (well me these days) enough to make them come. She is the boss, so if she wants you to come ...
@Panda2010 Fully agree!. If our Loves want us to come, we have to. Also that is - in my perception - part of our submission. However, I am also curious how your wife then deals with your mood swing afterwards? The fact that our women feels guilty when they not let you orgasm, is also what I discovered with my better half. After my Love started to excercise me to delay and accept denial, she still wanted me to release frequently during PIV's at her command. Finally, I concluded that such may have to do with "her feeling secure enough" and the understanding that "dominancy and denial" is also very pleasurable for me. Now, I hope once we will develop our FLR further, that my Love will accept to think dominantly about her own pleasure i.s.o. mine. Our turn-around came when I shared my Love the "Chemistry" about orgasms and mood swings after an orgasm, as being provided by our fellows here. As said before, once my Love understood that, she was firm and became very secure. Since I explained to her, now 3 months ago, she denialed me a full release, also during PIV's. Last week she told me even that this period is not long enough yet...
I have never understood what guys are talking about with mood swings after an orgasm. Maybe I am obtuse, but I don't think I actually have a mood swing. So eliminating/reducing/managing mood swings isn't part of it for us. It is just about only play when she wants to and my leaving it alone in the meantime.
@Otto9 I too think you’re doing a form of chastity. Personally, I don’t see complete denial as necessary for chastity. I mean lots of guys who wear cages get released sometimes. Some get treated to tease and denial. Others at least are allowed to pleasure their partner while locked. There is no rule book prescribing there is only one way to do chastity. If it works for you, then great. If someone else wishes to be more of purist and have no sexual pleasure that’s cool too.
I agree this is chastity, you don’t need a cage for it to be chastity, but my madam loves the fact my penis is in 24/7 bondage and torment.