I apologize for this extremely long post but I’m wondering how people with full time jobs can find the time and energy to live the male chastity lifestyle? I haven’t been to the mansion for several weeks. I recently went back to work full time and I am struggling. By the time I get home it is 5:30 or later. As soon as I walk through the door I have two dogs and a cat clambering for my attention. My husband patiently waits his turn for my attention. A quick kiss and it is time to think about supper. By the time we eat and do the dishes it is 7:30 or 8. We watch TV for a couple of hours and go to bed. Since I am exhausted by the time we go to bed there is no play time. I know, I know, we could cut out the TV and get down to the business of tease and deny but we are creatures of habit (and a little lazy) so it is hard to break the cycle. I am appealing to the keyholders out there that hold down full time jobs and still find time to maintain a FLR. How do you do it? Until January of this year we were celibate for 6 years because of my husbands medical issues. Before that we were straight vanilla and not very active at that. So I have never really had to learn how to allocate time for sex. Now, there is a second part to this post. We began male chastity a few months ago. In the beginning I loved it. I was surprised at how knowing my husband was locked up made me feel. I think that subconsciously I have worried about him “handling” himself unnecessarily. I felt that for the first time in our marriage I had control and I like that feeling. BUT, we have hit a wall. There are several factors contributing to this slump. Number one being the fact that he isn’t locked at this time. He got a PA several months ago and the cage we have wasn’t working well. We are waiting on a new one and as you know these things take time to deliver. Since I hate seeing him in pain I offered to unlock him until the new cage arrived. I am hating this, especially since I have gone back to work. Then there is the time issue. Oh, and the dogs I mentioned at the beginning of this post, they don’t help matters at all. His dog sleeps with us. We get in bed and he and she have a bedtime ritual of petting, scratching and kisses. Please don’t judge me for this but sometimes I feel terrible jealousy toward this dog. Don’t get me wrong, I love her too but the fact that I sometimes seem to be second in my husbands affections gets the best of me sometimes. I have always liked morning sex and have initiated it a few times since beginning our FLR but this is where my dog interferes. We crate him at night and if he even suspects we are up he is whining and crying to be let out which blows my concentration. We also have our grandchildren frequently so no play on those days. It is a bunch of little things that pile up. Frankly, I am wondering if my husband is having second thoughts about FLR and male chastity. In the beginning he was attentive, affectionate and bent over backwards to make sure I was happy. Lately it just seems like he can’t be bothered. I guess it is pretty ironic that he was the one that wanted to do this and I wasn’t sure and now I want this more than anything and he doesn’t seem to. If you made it this far in this post I want to thank you for your persistence. I’m hoping if I can find the time for play the rest will fall into place. Please let me know your time management secrets. I really appreciate any help.
I would guess he's not interested in FLR as he is not caged and doing what uncaged men do... Either make I'm endure the pain of the current cage a punishment and a constant reminder of who he serves. Or wait it out you have been togeathet many years a few more weeks won't matter. But make him do tasks before you get home tell I'm that your too tired for sex and if he ever wants it again he needs to pick up some chores so that you can rest. You are in charge so you are allowed to watch TV don't feel bad but he should be kept busy... either house work or your human furniture. Make sure all he wants to do is please you
We are right there with you it’s tough and a lot of times there’s not enough time or privacy for much of anything. Most nights my wife and I crawl into bed for the last couple of hours of the night before we pass out (with all 3 dogs) after we put our child to bed. When we do have time for each other we try to make the most of it and can make for some very fun and passionate evenings. Yes we would love to have time like some of these other couples here but aside from all the D/s stuff I love making sure she’s pampered and taken care of 100% of the time. I can’t say I’m always the most perfect sub and that I don’t get frustrated because I definitely do, regardless she is definitely the center of my attention and she feels that 24/7. The rest will fall in place as you guys find your groove.
Oh yes and one of the dogs is rather attached to me and one of the other ones is quite attached to her. The dog most attached to her actually growls at me when I kiss my wife and he’s on her lap, it’s the only time he’ll do it is on her lap. She thinks it’s funny and I just want to ring the little bastards neck so I get you there.
Our lab is a definite routine killer. If it’s not interrupting with kisses and jumping all over the place, it’s him wanting to go out or play. That means leaving the bed for a bit to do so, and once the dog is up, he ain’t going back so one of us is up, and no extra fun. At the beginning we made more of an effort to fit our activities in despite our workload, I think when the newness wears off it’s easy to let them slide and just watch some tv together lol. You can do it, but it means sacrificing and prioritizing. It was easy to do when it was kinda fun and new, kinda like going to the gym. Then it may become more of a chore and harder to keep up on.
my Wife and i spend a lot of time that doesn't feel much like a FLR at all, I think that goes for a lot of people. I would say however that I am the sub locked in chastity and my Wife is the Dominant Keyholder so no matter how tired I am I try my best to make sure She doesn't lift a finger when She gets home and I know that if She is unsatisfied by my service and work then I'll be facing a long long lock up and lashes from a crop
Sounds like you guys have a wonderful life together. A normal wonderful life. Everything you said in your post including the dogs is a mirror image of what BKwife and I go through. I hate to say it but due to my age sometimes I’m just tired, and sometimes tired and life issues trumps kink time. We struggle and try just like you do. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t. I wish I could figure it out but I haven’t yet. One thing for sure is that BK and I have never been closer trying to make this chastity/FLR thing work. So I guess when you add everything up even though it’s not exactly what I dreamed it would be it’s added a very positive spin to the relationship.
This is totally us. We are a lot closer since we began FLR. We definitely talk about sex more openly. Plus there are little things he does that make me feel loved. The fact that I am gone most of the day may be part of the reason for our slump. I do know that I want to make this work.
It sounds as if chastity and FLR have just added to your burden. What expectations do you have if you continue? It may be time to sit down and lay them on the table.
Sounds to me like he needs to be back in his cage! He is losing focus! My madam agrees with this, and this is why I am locked 24/7.
LadyL. I think it is great that you are putting forth the effort. He will too. If he is anything like me he will appreciate it if you laid down the law. Put him back in the uncomfortable cage, be a little mean and assertive, don’t be afraid to go over the top a little. Find small windows of time each day, even a minute or two to show him you are the boss. Every encounter does not have to be a production. The little things add up and are appreciated. Good luck!
You asked to hear from keyholders, please forgive me for not being one. I understand the need to make things work. I strongly suggest getting the right 24/7/365 fit for him because tolerating a poor fitting device for 60+ days will not achieve your goals. It took me large money and about 2 years to get the current fit. My wife has asexual tendencies and if I'm in my current fit for 90 days (55 to go) then I'll the fit is good. When she's ready, it will be worth the wait to my mind. If your husband's device fits right, I think it will all work out.
My wife and i have a very hectic lifestyle too. I work full time, she works part time, we have 2 kids under the age of 9, and 2 dogs! 3 days a week, i literally dont see my wife at all. I literally come home from work, and as i am walking in the door, she is walking out the door on her way to work. By the time she gets home, i am asleep. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Sometimes, in the little time we do get together, we try to fool around. But we usually have a kid or a dog at the bedroom door looking for attention. I refer to them as CB (cock block) 1 thru 4 respectively. So what we do, is make the best of the little time we have together. We get 2 afternoons off together, and trustme, we make the best of them! My wife fuckin rocks my world in that little time we have! She basically takes a week of sexual buildup, and lets it loose. On the days where we dont see each other, she always has me locked. She does allow me computer time to try to play with myself. But her rules are no coming, and i can only use pictures and videos of her. This helps to build my desire for her. You can try things like this for your relationship. Always remember that any type of attention for your husband, will be greatly appreciated. Even if it is only 5 or 10 minutes at a time. And the longer he is in chastity, the more this will be true.
@LadyL, this is a common issue among us. Sometimes, I find it's necessary to set specific rules (his duties, chores, and so on), boundaries (for pets, etc.) and verbal commitments from him to focus on you, cast distractions aside and make a real effort to satisfy your needs. You deserve it. All the best.
My keyholder and I don't live together and we have one 'sleepover' per week. She's very busy and on this night it's her night. She gets here late, I cook and listen to her day while we have some us time - basically just let her relax. Sometimes she has to be off early so it's an early night for us or sometimes after a long week, we're both tired. That stuff happens so we try again next week. It's like betting on red or black, if you bet red and black comes up then the next time you bet more on red. If we're too tired one week then we'll try harder next week. If you both keep trying and are on the same page then the bet will come in.
I, too, can totally relate to this thread. I work almost full time plus am studying towards a degree, my sub also works and is studying, we have kids, a dog, the full works, I am finding it a massive struggle simply trying to find the time and energy to give our FLR the attention it desperately needs. We had found quite a good balance a few months back then had issues with the cage we were using causing thrush, so we've had a break. Hes now all fixed up and back locked in his new device, but getting back into the swing of things has been a struggle for us both, though moreso myself. He's trying hard to please me and make my life easier which I notice and really appreciate, but trying to find the time, energy and more importantly, the privacy to actually reward through play is a nightmare. Hoping we can get into our groove again soon.
So many good comments here. My wife and I are new to FLR (22 Sep) but even before, our lives were so busy. That has not changed. Three adult children (two still at home), an active 8 yr old plus all the normal pressures of life that so many have posted about. At this early, early stage for us, our time together on the couch where I rub/massage her feet and we just talk is worth its weight in gold. We do it every night after I do kitchen clean up after dinner.