He's not going to know what's hit him. Literally.

Wow I think you have a task ahead of you, he certainly need to be tamed. A stricken discipline routine with him locked to stop his nasty masturbation habit to start I think.
Be strong

 

Wow
First congrats on getting the confidence to take charge.

Now you have a lot of work to do and a lot of decisions to make.
Do you want a Female Lead Relationship (FLR) or is this just play?
What does he want?

I’d suggest that you work on communication as it seems you want an FLR and he wants play.

Personally I think all relationships should be FLR but that’s a different discussion.

I do think you have to start by making things pleasurable for him. But in time you need to ween him of his orgasms and about this being about him. Make him learn that your pleasure comes first and IF he gets any, it’s from pleasing you. In time he shouldn’t associate orgasms with pleasure.

Personally I’ve come to loathe them as I hate the crash after cumming. But that’s another aside.

I’d suggest you read some of the old accounts on women who have trained their men. I’d suggest you learn from them and understand that it takes time, patience and a lot of work. So be prepared.

I’d also suggest on making this fun at first. Have a good time and WHEN he screws up don’t get mad as we men are pathetic and simple and it takes time for us to be trained.

If you frustrate him too much or if he feels like he’s too big of a disappointment to you, his ego will quit. So don’t forget this. Use it to your advantage.

Finally learn what he wants and use it. Again we’re simple and most guys are selfish. That’s you’re enemy and friend. Turn it on him and use it but do so carefully.

Feel free to PM me if you like. Otherwise be strong and good luck. And please keep us posted.

 

I’m so glad I could help
I’m hoping things go well.
And can’t wait to hear about it

 

If he enjoys You tying him, gagging him and administering pain from whips and paddles i'd imagine he would be open to being locked up. Maybe don't tell him you've bought a device ( a knock off CB6000 might be a good place to start) tie him and punish/tease him without relief then lock him up and tell him that it can come off when You are satisfied. See how he reacts. Then maybe you could try him wearing it until the next time he sees you, like when you go to work for example. It's still 'playing' in his mind but You can keep stretching out how long that play lasts and what Your demands are, a little at a time.

 

However. If he is shouting and swearing when you've been out for a few hours, that sounds like a deeper problem that can't be fixed by D/s kinds of play/lifestyle. That sounds like a personality that wants to be in control and feels like an aspect of their life is out of control. whereas a lot of submissives are people who feel like they have a lot of control in their lives and want to feel 'out of control' in their D/s relationship, if that makes sense

 

Think of it as fishing, your 'line' isn't strong enough to pull him in by main force, you have to 'play' him, giving a little slack when its necessary, tightening up whenever you can, little by little, until he surrenders.

 

Maybe you both want to be dominant. Like he says, 'You're going to be doing most of the work' when he's tied up. Sounds like he'll be the boss even when You have him tied down. Maybe you could both switch. Whatever happens, as long as You can curb his masturbating and You start playing together and exploring You'll be getting more sex right?

 

My honest opinion is that the two of you are miles apart in terms understanding what is going on and you need to resolve that.

He thinks this is going to be his wank fantasy come true. You think you're taking control. It could be a disaster unless you talk this through.

Good luck

 

I agree that more conversation will help the situation, particularly establishing what each of your needs and goals are. If you are more in sync from the beginning, you will be successful on your journey.

 

What we are learning is that many (most?) men are interested in sex which satisfies their fantasies and fetishes. That is miles away from an FLR, which is where I think you are thinking of leading your marriage. Many of the women on this site have a lot of experience with this sort of transition. I suggest that you study what many of them have written over the years.

Think of chastity as a tool to capture and move him to where you want him in the relationship.

 

Any husband that yells and screams at his life partner has issues that need to be addressed, we are not living in the fifties. I commend you for even putting up with him. As others have said, slow and steady will correct this course, but it's going to take a lot of patience. You have my best wishes for strength and courage.

 

Yes, I agree with this. That does not sound like healthy behavior.

 

As hot as it probably sounds to most people here, I strongly advise against trying to to lock him without permission from him. He needs to know what he's getting into. He needs to want it. Dangle the carrot of hotter sex with you, but only on your terms. Part of your terms can be spending time in the cage. Maybe something less than an hour at first and slowly increasing until it's under your complete discretion (something that he needs to agree to).

Otherwise... Well, it won't be good for either of you.

 

I agree, but I hope that goes without saying. Consent is necessary.

 

True
But communication is the most important tool you have. Sadly most people aren’t good at it.

Personally I’m glad you’re seeing this. Now the challenge is going to be working through the rough patch you’ll experience as the relationship dynamics change. He will fight you. He’ll go along then out of the blue he’ll drive yi7 nuts and frustrate you. Most likely he won5 even realize it. You’ll also be a bit passive aggressive. So the more you are aware, the less it’ll cause problems you can’t discuss and work through.