Is She embracing the control to make me happy or is She just being cruel?

Discussion in 'Female led relationships' started by Mandyman, Sep 18, 2019.

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  1. Mandyman
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    Mandyman Long term member

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    #1 Mandyman, Sep 18, 2019
    My Wife informed me via text yesterday that She is going out Friday with a friend and not coming home. W/we don’t have the kids and i am home so there is no reason i couldn’t pick Her and Her Friend up. i even offered to drive them both to the friends house so She can still sleepover and i would go back home alone but She declined that. Said She would rather not see me at all that night. Now She says it is a Female friend who she is going out with and staying at Her’s, but i’m not so sure. W/we’ve had massive trust issues and affair suspected in the past.
    i can’t raise it because W/we are in the very early stages of FLR lifestyle and i don’t want to rock the boat. This could also be a test because i would usually make a fuss and ask Her to come home to me.
    But in the back of my mind the paranoia about the affair is telling me that She is just using the FLR agreement as a way to facilitate cheating.
    She also likes to get blind drunk and i don’t approve so maybe She just wants to be free to get drunk without me judging Her when She gets home.
    i thought we always had the best sex when She was drunk but maybe She doesn’t actually want my cock any more.....
     
  2. Tom Allen
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    Tom Allen Member

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    #2 Tom Allen, Sep 18, 2019
    Let me help you out with this:

    https://philosophy.hku.hk/think/critical/ct.php

     
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  3. NsToy
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    NsToy Long term member

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    #3 NsToy, Sep 18, 2019
    Sounds like you have relationship issue to deal with first if there are trust issues. You suspected she had an affair and you are going with FLR on top of that? Doesn't sound like a recipe for a successful relationship.
     
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  4. El Modino
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    #4 El Modino, Sep 18, 2019
    Kinks always come second in a relationship. You obviously do not trust that she will be faithful if she goes out and honestly it does seem a little odd to jump right to im not coming home and id rather not see you that night at all. If you are not comfortable with the arrangement, you are absolutely in your right to talk with her as a husband. I assume when you say a suspected affair, that she was the one engaging in it and you couldn't quite prove it.

    I had one relationship where I always felt jealous and insecure and untrusting. Turns out she was lying to me about everything and god knows who and how many she slept with behind my back. I have never felt that way in any other relationship. I guess my point is, if you arent the type that's always suspicious, the fact that you are now suspicious should be an indication that her behaviour doesn't seem genuine and sincere. Please do not allow your kinks to cloud your judgement. If her response is to get upset or to cancel the kink because you are feeling a bit insecure regarding this request for her to go out and not come home, then i think that speaks volume. If my wife suspected me of an affair in the past and I didn't actually have one, I would be doing whatever i could to give her the reassurance that our relationship is solid. I wouldn't dare leverage a desire of hers knowing that it was leaving her feeling insecure.

    I would discuss this issue with her and put your kink to the side for the moment. It sounds like there are still some unresolved issues here and trying to put chastity into the mix is only going to complicate this situation.

    Just my two cents.
     
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  5. tecolote
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    tecolote Long term member

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    #5 tecolote, Sep 18, 2019
    Time to rock the boat. Seems like you are inviting her to take advantage of you. If you can't trust her, FLR isn't going to work for you. FLR gives her more control (sometimes complete control). If she isn't trustworthy, why would you do that? It's like making the worst employee into the manager.
     
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  6. Mandyman
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    Mandyman Long term member

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    #6 Mandyman, Sep 18, 2019
    W/we had marriage counselling, the counsellor deduced that i am a “thinker” and my Wife is a “feeler”
    Given the post above i am probably a “critical thinker”

    We’ve been slowly getting back together over the past 12 months, W/we haven’t just jumped straight into this.

    But there is no smoke without fire, i am certain She cheated.

    My complaint wasn’t necessarily the affair - if there was something She needed that i couldn’t give Her then i understand Her need to chase it.

    My issue was that She claimed the whole time, and continues to now, that i am the perfect husband and there is nothing missing.

    And,, i was jealous of the extra effort She was making with Her appearance - make up, high heels, dresses etc that She had never made for me - i wanted a piece of the action.

    Well now She dresses up for me and She lets me worship Her shoes when She gets home from work, so i can’t complain as i’m getting what i asked for.

    i deeply want to trust Her

    i am also holding out hope that this is a test (one which i have failed previously) and if i can hold my tongue and let Her have Her way, then at the 11th hour on Friday night She will ask me to drive and pick them up and stay the night at home with me......

    But if that doesn’t happen i think it will hit me hard and that’s what i’m worried about.

    Is She being cruel and still cheating
    Is She just being selfish
    Or....is She trying to dominate me like i have asked and unwittingly going too far

    She will know in Her head that Friday night is going to be torture for me, She knows that, i just hope She knows what She is doing.

    Thanks for the support
     
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  7. Mandyman
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    Mandyman Long term member

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    #7 Mandyman, Sep 18, 2019
  8. tecolote
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    tecolote Long term member

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    #8 tecolote, Sep 18, 2019
    TALK TO HER
     
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  9. SSBITCH
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    SSBITCH Active member

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    #9 SSBITCH, Sep 18, 2019
    If its too far, you need to tell her.
     
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  10. Mandyman
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    Mandyman Long term member

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    #10 Mandyman, Sep 18, 2019
    i have nothing new to say. Like i said She knows how much this will hurt me, She’s either testing me or She doesn’t care.
    There really is no more talking to do, we’re both exhausted after 3 years of talking.

    She tells me She loves me all the time
     
  11. SSBITCH
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    #11 SSBITCH, Sep 18, 2019
    If its too much for you, tell her. If your okay with her doing this, tell her your okay being cuckolded, but that trust and your relationship is most important. Tell her how much you love her. If it is the you feel let her know you support this, perhaps both of you can be open and honest. Its much more liberating than holding it back.

    If your not sure this is right, and need time, tell her that.
     
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  12. Mandyman
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    Mandyman Long term member

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    #12 Mandyman, Sep 18, 2019
    This isn’t cuckolding and i’m defo not into that. She is either cheating or testing me
     
  13. LesterBallard
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    #13 LesterBallard, Sep 18, 2019
    I don't think there's anything any of us can say to you. This is something you have to resolve between yourselves. You have to tell her how you feel about what she's proposing. She has to explain why she's doing it. You each have to decide whether you are comfortable with the explanations you've heard.

    Good luck.
     
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  14. Mandyman
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    Mandyman Long term member

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    #14 Mandyman, Sep 18, 2019
    Last edited: Sep 18, 2019
    Thanks for the support everyone

    It has taken 3 years of pain to get here, and the marriage could still fail. i genuinely don’t feel that She desires me or chases my affection, but W/we are soul mates and great friends.

    She knows that not coming home on Friday will kill me (and in all honesty She probably isn’t cheating any more, She just doesn’t want me being pervy when She is drunk)
    She knows it will kill me but doesn’t care never has. My feelings are my problem.

    If i ask Her to come home, if i explain how i feel, She will do what She likes, i know this from experience.

    i cannot influence what She will do.
    i can submit and give my blessing....maybe She will reward me
     
  15. Mandyman
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    Mandyman Long term member

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    #15 Mandyman, Sep 18, 2019
    Last edited: Sep 18, 2019
    You are right, no smoke without fire. i have no hard evidence other than the belief in my head that She cheated, but that is based on a weight of suspicious incidents, messages seen and lies told.
    Crucially She did nothing to allay my suspicions for the first year and repeatedly put Herself in situations or created scenarios that would cause further suspicion. The counsellor told me that my Wife “feels” instead of “thinks” and therefore it is unlikely She would be capable of planning and hiding an affair.

    She admitted to repeatedly flirting with a colleague for months, and continued to do so after i asked Her to stop. Her defence was that flirting is not cheating so She saw nothing wrong in it.

    We were 100% trusting and free from suspicion for years prior to this
     
  16. Mandyman
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    Mandyman Long term member

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    #16 Mandyman, Sep 18, 2019
    Even the marriage counsellor couldn’t make Her explain why She was doing the things She was, i’ve got no chance in 2 days
     
  17. mcfeely
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    #17 mcfeely, Sep 18, 2019
    Follow her and find out for sure. Make you decision based on facts. If she is cheating and you see her/catch her at it, you will know for sure and you can decide how you want to proceed. According to what I have read on the forum, FLR is not supposed to be cruel and the power person is supposed to work from a position of love and respect for their partner. Some of the stories I have read her are not consistent with that belief and it does seem like you are in a position where you are not being respected. In my experience it seems to be very easy for a woman to proclaim love but I think that is because they divide love up into different boxes as they see fit. They can be dangerous beasties.
     
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  18. Mandyman
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    Mandyman Long term member

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    #18 Mandyman, Sep 18, 2019
    She probably isn’t cheating, but She knows that Her staying out overnight is very hard for me, there are valid reasons that She is well aware of. It’s going to be very hard for me and She doesn’t care
     
  19. Mandyman
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    Mandyman Long term member

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    #19 Mandyman, Sep 18, 2019
    So....
    She unlocked me for an orgasm tonight, said it wasn’t fair to deny me because i’m not going to see Her Friday night.

    After i had cum i explained that i wasn’t comfortable with Her staying out. Deep and meaningful conversation about the reasons (past incidents) and my low self esteem, how difficult i’m going to find the night etc. Basically told that it is my problem i feel that way, She acknowledges my feelings and She wants a girly sleep over with Her friend so that is what’s happening.

    This is the same pattern, it makes it worse when i tell Her how i feel because i then know that She knows She is hurting me and doesn’t care.

    She got me locked up again quickly and started suggesting other date nights etc to change the subject, telling me She loves me and that She is working really hard on our FLR.

    So that’s that. i know She isn’t coming home. And She knows i’m not ok with that.
    i will be home alone with a car but She wants to get a cab and sleep at Her friends house instead of with me.
     
  20. Headtrip
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    #20 Headtrip, Sep 19, 2019
    Maybe she needs this, to feel really in control. Maybe she needs you to submit despite your fears to really believe this is a FLR? I guess thars what you mean by "testing" but ifrom what you write I get a different feel. Further to this, the way you explain things it doesnt sound like she would pre-meditate an affair or threaten you with it.

    I often think I am a critical thinker, but my GF/KH reminds me that I think overly-critical way too much and need to learn to accept things I cannot change (like my locked state LOL)
     
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  21. Captcagedman
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    #21 Captcagedman, Sep 19, 2019
    Just an idea. If she knows it’s gonna bother you and get under your skin by her actions of staying over, then fight fire with water.

    It will be hard for you but if you make it sound like it didn’t bother you. Then you will win. Sounds like she is doing this to draw a line in the sand and get your goat.

    Well what if it doesn’t get your goat? What if it does garner the response she expects? Then the ruse isn’t getting her wanted reaction.

    Both of you seem to be playing each other. She wants to get you worked up and express her “power” over you in a way you don’t like. Your reactions are playing into her.

    Why else would she let you out for a release then tell you if future night outs and sleep overs.

    To get a response.
     
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  22. Captcagedman
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    #22 Captcagedman, Sep 19, 2019
     
  23. Mandyman
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    Mandyman Long term member

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    #23 Mandyman, Sep 19, 2019
    Last edited: Sep 19, 2019
    She was talking about future date nights with me not someone else

    She honestly won’t care if Friday night bothers me or not, it won’t enter Her head to care about my feeling.

    The reason She locked me back up was so that by tomorrow night i’l be horny and submissive again. i think She learned last night that it would have been better to deny me and keep me horny - as soon as i came i told Her i wasn’t happy about Her staying out Friday night. And not because i dont trust Her, it’s because i’m sad that She doesn’t want to come home to be with me.

    She has suggested i handcuff myself to the bed Friday night and wait for Her to come home Saturday morning. But i know She only wants this so that She can be certain i wont get in the car Friday night and turn up where She is.

    i’ve asked to come with Her on nights out and She tells me that She doesn’t want me there. She also doesn’t want to come out with my friends. She just wants a date night with me but they are so infrequent
     
  24. Mandyman
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    #24 Mandyman, Sep 20, 2019
    So tonight is the night, i’ve told Her how i feel (as i have in the past) and She is still not planning on coming home.
    She is actually going out to the next town away and will be passing O/our home in a taxi to stay at Her friends when they go home.

    She unlocked me and gave me an orgasm, She said it wasn’t fair to deny me since She isn’t coming home tomorrow night.

    There really is no need for Her to stay out, its extra effort to get a taxi and stay at Her friends house.

    i hope She is just trying to assert Herself in the relationship but i fear She is still cheating on me
     
  25. Kylara
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    Kylara Happy feminized sub owned by Mistress PHEBUSA

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    #25 Kylara, Sep 20, 2019
    Just a question, are you jealous, do you thrust her? Is it you who launch the FLR relation?
    In a normal relation women are free to goes out and see who they want, their pussy still theirs but according to the marriage rules if she had sex with someone else it is cheating.
    Also if she is out without sex she is absolutely free to go without you as you are too go somewhere without her.
    It's not rare that girls do lady's night and just pass time together like you may do with men.
    In a FLR relation your relation is not equal. Your sexuality is hers no longer yours, she is free to go out where she wants and she is free to have sex with who she wants. You're a good man that will enjoy a free time at home like if you were single and takes the opportunity to do chores.
    You know that tomorrow morning she will be back home and will be happy to see all clean and breakfast ready.

    If you can't deal with this, FLR is not really for you. Even if you are dominated you should love it and desire it from your own, at least a little. Else, what do you do with her?
    In all case she own her pussy and sexuality and she is not at your service for anything. Especially in FLR, you have no rights on who enter it or with who she has time or enjoyment.

    So what's really wrong? She is just exercising her FLR, when my wife does it, I gave her condom just to be sure she has some in case of. Not checking if she used it after, if she wants to tell me she tells else it is her choice.

    Just remember she is the ruler and you the servant.
     
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