Wife and I are still total rookies with chastity, her more than me since I at least read stuff here. She was confused today and I didn't have a good answer for her, so i figured I'd ask her help here. We were walking and sex stuff came up. I told her that I wanted her to still touch me, play with me etc (aka tease) even if she didn't unlock me. She was confused and said that she didn't want to be cruel since I was locked up. I told her it wasn't cruel, but I didn't have a good way of explaining it. How do you explain how teasing isnt cruel? Anyone have some good lines I can use to tell her how it is desirable even though I wont get an O or even unlocked maybe?
Get her a copy of the Keyholders Handbook by Georgia Ivey Green. It helped me when I had to explain it.
I’d suggest all of her books. She’s really good. You could always tell her it’s just your idea of fore play for you even if the fire play goes on for longer then usual
Nothing valuable to say, it just came to my mind that it's the debate between this two songs: aaaand (THE tease and denial song):
It might help her to think of it as extended foreplay. Her control of the key lets her keep the foreplay going until she feels ready. That might be right away, or after days of fooling around and teasing you. It’s her call. No cruelty necessary!
It took my Miss a couple of years to start enjoying Cage on teasing. She’s not real heavy into it but she does like to purposely get me hard in my cage every once in a while. It’s something that will come in time once she understands that it won’t physically hurt you and the power she will feel from making you so desperate. The books can be a help in explaining but I recommend not just surprising her with a book, some key holder women find it insulting to be surprised with things like that. Ask her if you can get her a book that you find suitable to help explain why you like cage on teasing. I always though Mistress Ivey Green was over the top if you consider your wife vanilla. The first book I ever bought my wife was simply titled Male Chastity by Lucy Fairbourne and it’s what ended up convincing my Miss to lock me up. It covered all the related chastity content but not in great depth but still a good guide. My Miss has never been into T&D sessions mostly because we never have that kind of time alone. A lot of times we’ll start with cage on teasing but it eventually comes off. The last time it was off it stayed on until she was ready for PIV then she gave me the key. I hate trying to unlock that thing when I’m hard lol. Anyway give her time and give her friendly suggestions of those things you like. Ask her if she’d like an “idea book” and see where that goes.
Thanks! I have been shying away from a book because I'm pretty sure she would be overwhelmed. That and she just doesn't have time to read it, even if she wanted to. At this point, I'm not even asking for anything serious, or specific cage on teasing. At least I dont think so. I'm just trying to let her know that even if I am locked up, I would like to be a part of her having an orgasm and I'd love to get some attention too. I bought her a magic wand thing, and she has been using it pretty much every single night. I get to lay next to her and watch, which is amazing, but that's it. I'm not involved, nor do I get any attention. She kind of thought giving me any attention was a bit cruel, since I was locked up and she isn't going to unlock me anytime soon.
The magic wands are a blessing and a curse lol! When I bought my wife one I literally felt replaced for a while. She too would have me lay next to her and watch but I wasn’t allowed to touch her or talk to her while the toy was going. She was doing it on purpose though, she was trying to drive me crazy. She still does that occasionally but now she has me hold the wand for her. Sometimes some of the same rules apply as far as no touching and talking. Sometimes she’ll do this to me caged or not. I forgot to mention that Mistress Jules who is actually part of the staff here at the mansion has a couple of down to earth keyholding books that are realistic and not full of bdsm fantasy. The book reads like mistress Jules is having a conversation with your wife helping explain to what you can’t seem to get out. I think a lot of guys have a hard time explaining why they like that kind of teasing and treatment. Because a lot of emotions are invloved, it’s kind of complex and doesnt have one easy answer other than “I just like it”. On the flip side (at least I’m the beginning) it’s hard for our loving partners to do anything to us that they believe might be hurting us until they understand that there is actually a lot of pleasure in that perceived cruelty. Once that bridge has been crossed you better look out .
Simply tell her that as a masochist, you get great joy from being teased and denied. Especially afterwards when you day dream about it.
My wife asked me to read the Georgia Ivey Green Keyholder book to her while we snuggled in bed. It really helped.
She worries that it is cruel. What if you made yourself a list of all of the psychological and physiological plusses you experience when caged and teased? Share that list with her, one item at a time, and tell her (truthfully, I expect) that you view the gift of those plusses a kindness and as far from cruel as she can be. Then explain to her (if it is true for you) the little bit of a funk you get into after PIV sex or a full-on orgasm. Help her understand (again, if this is true) that this price you pay for sex is actually a negative for you and that you'd much rather enjoy the continuous high of chastity and tease and denial. Some Dommes like to say that they are "Cruel" to be kind. It is a good way to say that for us, it is kind for our KH to be cruel (we LOVE it!) and disappointing if not cruel for her to be kind. Our clocks are wound backwards!
Does she allow you to penetrate with your fingers? My wife uses her Magic Wand almost every time we have any sexual encounter -- she loves it and it is 100% guaranteed to bring her to multiple Os. However, she also has a very strong G spot response, and what she loves even more than her Magic Wand is the Wand plus my fingers inside, stroking and pressuring the inner branches of her clit (the source of G spot pleasure). She wants me to participate when she's wanding, I don't feel left out at all.
My wife/KH took to it immediately She knew that the more horny and frustrated I was that she got all the attention she wanted. Let your KH see the advantages to you being locked and frustrated and she will come around. Serve her in other ways than sexual Make her your queen and she will love it Good luck and enjoy the journey
Georgia Ivey Green's books helped me a lot. To paraphrase her, the chaste male wants you to bee his school yard bully. When I became my husbands school yard bully I saw his happiness level rise. Since then I've become a mean vindictive bitch and he loves it. I've discovered that I love it as well.
I understand your point because I have been/still am there. Chastity wasn’t her idea. She doesn’t really understand it or how you can enjoy not experiencing the pleasure from sex. My suggestion is take it slow. If you think your going too slow go slower. You need to show her how much pleasure your getting from giving her pleasure. And also keeping the cage on for longer and longer. The more she sees it regularly the more “normal “ it will become. As that starts happening I think you’d be surprised by the results.
It is a different concept, you want to be teased and receive pleasure but not necessarily have an erection or an orgasm. One way I helped MissShelly to understand it years ago was, to be held at a high level of sexual stimulation and tension at AllTimes and not going over ( having an Orgasm ). It’s more exciting to be at 80 or 90% all the time than to go to 100% cum and than drop to almost Zero. To not have that up and down emotional roller coasted can be very rewarding and exciting even if it seems like it’s being cruel. To be taken to the point of just before you cum should be you ultimate high point and not going over. Stay at 80-90% or even 50-60 but never 100 than dropping to Zero. This has worked for us for a very long time. Try It.
I have to agree with that. That book is a little bit repetative but really good for your Wife who isn't always a DOM to read. I had my wife read it and she started to understand way more that even if i say please unlock me, I actually want her to say "no way". If you don't want to get the book, let her know that its all a game, and the goal is to keep you on the edge without ever having an orgasm. Once you have an orgasm, the game starts over..
It will take time for her to grow into her new role. Give her some time to get comfortable with her new found control. She will find her stride with a little time. What she will need is a little encouragement, and reassurance that she is doing a good job.
I couldn't agree more with this comment. Patience on your part is also part of the denial. Let her decide her level of participation and be satisfied with what she decides. The phrase here is "Don't TOP from the BOTOOM!"
Whatever makes me more obedient and attentive, with a good attitude, my wife is interested in. Maybe tell her that playing with you caged brings out these attributes. It might work, but then you have to be more attentive, obedient and have a good attitude!
Wow! This is a perfect expression of a fundamental truth I hadn't been able to boil down so succinctly. Most of us thought about this for so long before we told our wives, and once locked we think about a hundred times a day. She's not there, we can only succeed going at her speed. Patience is part of the denial. Thanks for the mantra.
My wife had the same problem at first but I explained to her how teasing without the “o” really got the horny hormones flowing and how they seem to make me happier, more energized, and definitely more submissive. She began to notice the change and now absolutely loves ours T&D sessions, which happens very often