Hello all, I am new here and first let me say this place is great and the people are wonderful. So glad i found it. I have a bit of an issue that im hoping to get some advice on. By way of background i have been with my wife for 9 years now and came out to her as sub about 4 yrs ago On and off since then we have been in an FLR. I long for a Lv4 FLR but she was vanilla before this so we are at anout 2.5 but i digress. We have tried chastity on and off with my longest being 35 days. We are starting it up again and now investing in a mature metal device to prevent pullout. I really want longer so i can truly get into the subspace but here is where i am having a problem. My wife REALLY like penetration during sex and while make her get there repeteadly from oral she tells me all the time that she prefers penetration. I even tried using a strap on but wasnt the same to her. I am simply not able to have sex with her without letting go, especially if ive been locked up for any period of time. So, inevitably l, i finish and the cycle starts over. Any suggestions on how i can broach the subject of keeping me chaste and subish or do i just let it be? Thanks in advance for your help.
I second the use of numbing cream and a condom. There are condoms that are "extra strength" .9mil or something like that, they're quite a bit thicker which is a big help. I tried that once a while ago and it worked great but I still have trouble holding back because the mind is so powerful. So I'm the end I still don't last that long but a lot longer than the 2 pumps it normally takes.
Does your wife want you to cum or not? If she does, then limit the chastity bit of your FLR. If she doesn't, then you may just need more self control. My wife has worked out that removal of kink is the worst threat if I decide to keep going beyond the point of no return!
It's a *Female*-led relationship. She leads, her desires are met. It's caged for her. She decides. If that means you spent too much time on Day 1, well, there could be worse things.
As others have mentioned, I'm curious if she wants you to cross that finish line or not. If she does, My answer won't really apply. If she wants you to penetrate her without spilling, My first advice is to stop convincing yourself that it's an impossible combination. Breathing exercises are key when delaying a premature orgasm. So is withdrawing when necessary. I'd advise open communication about your sexual states while you're having sex. You can develop stronger self control by understanding cues from your own sexual physiology this way. Talking about these things in the moment has helped My relationship tremendously by increasing sexual clarity. Good luck on your endurance training!
You might want to look into Tantra and Tantric breathing routines. Sivasakti is a good site that has advice on different breathing techniques or methods to help delay ejaculation.
I'm in a similar boat, my wife likes my dick and likes having sex. You can train yourself - or even better, be trained - to hold back though. During sex, beyond just thinking of baseball stats you can do things like switch between PIV and oral when you get to close, you can adopt uncomfortable (for you) positions and stances, and as mentioned you need to learn to concentrate on you breathing and suppressing the mounting pressure . Oh, a condom and Embla cream can help to, and it's a ... different feeling
I also come wayy too fast but my GF loves oral. We are trying to find a way to balance vanilla sex and kink play so that’s a work in progress.. A few shots of alcohol has had positive results for me. I’m able to stay hard and feel everything but I have to actually work and get in the right headspace for an orgasm. This won’t be for everyone.. I’m also not drinking as much anymore because I’m working on self control but if she wants some solid penetration that helps me. Edging will probably help to. Just get used to getting right to the edge before you feel like you need to come and then back off on thrusts. Maybe use this time to go down on her and then once you settle down, get back to work. Hope you find what works for you.
I like the idea of numbing cream, condoms and a penis sleeve! The problem is Mrs Chaste is more than happy with her strapon so she won't want all the "faff" involved! Still it's not about me is it? Whatever she wants is all that matters! And that's all that really matters.
PPPPP Practice prevents piss poor performance All there is to say really and during practice there will of course be errors set backs mistakes and let downs, thats why there is such a thing as practice.
Where can you buy that creme???? I was hoping for local but can only find stuff like Walmart sells. I have the idea about orajel but not sure if thats ok to slather on
I'm in Canada and you can get lidocain creams at most drug stores under brands like Emla. Emla is pricy, but that plus a condom and you'll barely be able to feel anything. It's usually a behind the counter kind of thing, so you'll need to ask for it. They'll also probably ask you why you want it, so have a plausible answer ready. I told them it was for a new tattoo in a sensitive place