What is your Chastity Game?

We are also trying to figure out what's going to work for us. We know that long term chastity and orgasm denial is not for us as well. I'm not interested in worshipping anyone nor would my wife want me to so it'll be interesting seeing if chastity can even work for us.

I originally brought the idea up to spice up a lack of intimacy (to put it mildly) and because I like to try new things. My wife never really got behind the idea although admittedly we haven't given it much effort due to ill fitting devices that had to come off. I have a new hopefully better fitting cage on the way and we'll give it another go. I'll probably try to go for at least a month locked up so I can feel like I gave it a real chance.

More to come.

 

We started playing chastity games with dice and spinning wheels. Then we went to having an orgams every 3 weeks. The problem was that my wife felt that she had no role at all. My orgasms were not according to when she wanted me to have them but rather how long it had been. My wife said she wanted to add days if I misbehaved, so we tried that but what we found was that after time, she forget that she added days or how many days it was plus the original problem of taking control away from her with a schedule every time was not to her liking.

As far as when I am locked up, it is all the time. I work from home so it is easier for me to stay locked 24/7 than most. I am too old for sports or much physical activity and after 4 years of wearing my Jailbird, it is a part of me like wearing underwear is. Chastity did not really click for my wife until we changed when I would orgasm. We do not have a FLR or any D/s relationship other than during sex. My wife likes me to run our marriage and deal with the problems, stress and finding the money to maintain our lifestyle. Yet, I am no slave so I wanted a say in my orgasms. My wife and I have not had intercourse since she got a steady girlfriend about 20 years ago and although we are no longer with her girlfriend, she still will not allow intercourse since she gets her orgasms from direct clitoral stimulation from oral or most times, her vibrator. Tonight for instance I will lick her to orgasm a few times while I remained locked.

First I just told my wife that she can decide how many times a year I can orgasm. She replied that if it were up to her, I would never orgasm because she loves the power she has over me sexually and does not need my penis at all. My penis has not given her an orgasm in 20 years and the only reason she has sex with me it out of love and so that I would play with her to arouse her before and during her orgasms. So she told me it is best that we agreed on the number of orgasms in a year.

I agreed to 4-6 the first time and that gave her some leeway. She started the first year with 6 and then we she did 4 the next year. The 3rd year she wanted to do just 2 so we tried but it appears that 4 months without an orgasm is my limit and she did not want to see me suffer. I was also very annoying with my pawing her and looking at her a lot, so we agreed to an orgasm every 3-6 weeks to give her flexibility since we found that sometimes she gets carried away after an a few orgasms and makes me orgasm despite my protests. She mostly gave me an orgasm on a special occasion/holiday but only sometimes. Sometimes she will make me think I was going to get an orgasm for Valentine's Day, birthday or Christmas but then did not much to my disappointment after being told that I might get an orgasm. Sometimes she gave me an orgasm before the occasion or after it. There was no way to tell anymore.

In year 4 I just told her to do what she wants since she knew my signs or physical or mental distress and I trusted her to give me an orgasm if she saw that I was having problems. She was all over the place. Sometimes I had an orgasm in 3 weeks and sometimes in 2 months. Towards the end of the year I told her that I needed a break. I had been wearing my Jailbird almost 24/7/365 less time to heal skin or doctor visits. I did go locked to the doctor at first but one day he wanted to check my prostate and I made an excuse to avoid it. So after that I did not go locked up when I visited him. Two of my 3 friends have Prostate cancer so a period exam is a good thing at my age. Plus it is not uncomfortable as it was when I was much younger. Things then to stretch out over time, especially when buttplugs are used during sex.

We took about 2-3 months off and it was nice to be free but it felt weird as heck not having my penis caged up. I was having one orgasm a week, sometimes two as it still was up to my wife. It was also nice to be able to have simultaneous orgasms during oral sex. Then I started to feel that sex was boring and routine again and my wife said that she liked it better when I was denied an orgasm for at least a month or more. She missed how I used to jump when she came close to my penis with her hand and the moans that I made while she edged me. After 44 years of marriage I know that my wife gets off on hearing me moan, in pleasure or pain. Does not matter as long as she gets some audio feedback. So I locked up again and we are just playing it by ear. At my age I have skin issues. My skin is not as tough as it used to be and it takes a lot longer to heal. I think we resumed my lockup and orgasm denial at the end of October and I got an orgasm the first week of January then stayed unlocked for a week or so and we both missed it and I locked up again. I am told that I will be given an orgasm on Valentine's Day which will be a first for me if my wife is not messing with my head again. That is only a little over three weeks of denial which after 4 years is not really a problem for me. I start get real horny after 3-4 weeks. I can go 3 weeks with denial and not masturbate. In fact, I rarely even want to orgasm by my own hand. It is not the same at all and I have grown to love edging and the anticipation of an orgasm, more than the orgasm itself.

Last November marked the end of 4 years of Chastity Play. From now on it is my wife's call. I am very used to a few orgasms a year and at my age I sometimes have erectile problems and my libido is not what it used to be when my wife brought in her girlfriend to share the sex load with her. I needed 2-3 orgasm after work at one time and all three of us got hooked on threesomes so that twosomes were more for quality making love time and not just raw hot sex. Now I do not have to be locked up until the 3rd week of orgasm denial so we are experimenting with that. ED is not a problem after many weeks of orgasm denial but we have found that you run into the law of diminishing returns. My orgasm after 2 months of denial are not as good as after a shorter term. For me the sweet spot is between 4-6 weeks of denial. After 2 months my semen is very thick with sperm and does not shoot out but flows like lava from a volcano. Plus the strain make my urethra burn for a day or two. It is not just me that is disappointed in that but also my wife who is used to watching me shoot high enough to hit myself in the head and sometimes my mouth. Now it just flows into her hand so we are going to go shorter lengths of orgasm denial. We no longer have any minimum number of orgasms. It is up to her and I may even go a week or two unlocked with regular orgasms until we lock me up again. As I said, we are now playing it by ear.

One other thing made Chastity click for us. We got rid of all the rules. It was not only getting confusing but it forced my wife into following rules rather than having full control. Let's face it, most chastity contracts read like a what to do to me manual for their keyholders and are all things they want done to them. If I do this, you do that type of thing. The only rule now is that my wife makes all the rules, does not have to tell me and can change them at any time without prior notice. That seems to work for us. Like I said, we do not have any D/s relationship outside of control of my orgasms. When we shared my wife's girlfriend I was heavily into BDSM, but mostly S&M since our girlfriend was a natural dominant sadist. We were perfect for each other and after 30 years she knew what we both liked and how far she could go. She always pushed my limits until we were venturing into dangerous territory near the end with knife and breath play. Everything, even threesomes, gets boring after many years so we are always looking for new things to do.

For us, all fetishes are sex game and not a lifestyle. In real life I am an alpha male to a fault. I have to be top dog in all that I do. Very competitive most of my life and like most alphas in the animal kingdom, I wanted all the women to myself. Hence our poly lifestyle that also included various forms of group sex and having sex with every girlfriend that my wife had, with my wife present of course.

My main advice is to not box yourself by games or setting dates for chastity. It is a lot more fun if you do not know even if you will orgasm at all. I love to get an orgasm when I am not expecting it. Just when my wife usually stops edging me, one or two strokes away from orgasm, then increases her tempo or has oral sex with me, my orgasm is fantastic since it was totally unexpected. There are only three days where I have more of a 50/50 chance of getting an orgasm. V Day, my birthday in June, wedding anniversary at the end of October and then Xmas or New Year's Eve/Day. Last year I did not get an orgasm on any of those days. So even though my wife will tell me that I may have an orgasm on a particular date, she often does not give me one. It is a known psychological fact that the best way to train someone into a particular behavior is not to reward them every time, but rather some of the time. Pavlov trained his dogs like that so that the mere sound of a bell made them salivate even though there was no guarantee that they would eat. We follow that type of behavior with Chastity. This is what works for us but every couple is different.

The main rule is to make whatever you do, fun. If both of you are not getting what you need out of sex play, then it is not worth doing. The truth of the matter, regardless of what is written, said or shown, is that the submissive has all the power. A dom cannot dominate without the permission of the sub. The sub sets the limits. The sub has a safe word that will end the domination. The dominant one is powerless without the submissive's permission. It is the same with Chastity. My wife can only control me sexually because I submitted to her. She did not force me into submission and it is the same for most of us. So just experiment and set general limits like the least number of orgams you are good with or the limit of how long you can go without an orgasm. Leave some wiggle room in there so that your KH is not locked into a schedule but has a few weeks leeway in either direction. That way you do not go longer than is enjoyable and she is not forced into letting you orgasm when she is not in the mood to do so.

Long post but this has been how we did it for over 4 years.

 

My wife and I are new to "Tease and Denial" and I am allowed one orgasm a week, but we started playing a game with dice. She rolled the dice (my back was turned) and the number is the number of days till my next orgasm (from 2 to 12 days). She wrote the number down and put in an envelope, and laid it on the table (she knows I won't look). Its only been 2 days and I am patiently waiting.

 

Glad to hear you have decided on a way that you think will work for you. It sounds a bit like what I used to do with my ex; occasional bouts of chastity which were quite tease and fun. If you're into games I'd certainly recommend creating one that works for you. I'd be very happy to discuss further if you think it would be helpful.

 

Thanks but we are committed to this game for now.

 

Sorry didn't make myself clear enough, I was replying to @Mr.jackking original post. Enjoy your game Cincy

 

We too have come up with our own dice game similar to casino craps. It decides if I will remain caged during our play; type of orgasm I will receive; anytime doubles are rolled I get that combined dice number of whacks with a paddle; and most importantly how long (in weeks) before I will be able to get to play the game again.

Depending on if the dice is good to me it may not b long before I get the chance to have another orgasm, but if the dice are not so good to me l it could go indefinitely before I am allowed another orgasm.

The die also determine what kind of sex we will have; full PIV; blow job; or handjob including me doing the jacking. It has been several months since I have had a full PIV orgasm and may be a while long depending on the dice.

Regardless of the dice my Queen always has the last word an she is always well taken care of even when I am caged

 

We've been worked on chastity play for a couple years now. It's been an on and off thing all that time due to device issues, determining what my and my wife's desires are (mostly me wanting to know that my wife is wanting and not just willing to be in control) as well as the original motivation which is simply determining how abstinence/denial/teasing functions with my libido to make sex more fun for us both.
Lately we have taken to actual orgasm control as I'm now able to lock up much more with the latest device. My wife likes it probably more than she says and I like it less than I thought I would however the benefits seem to be worth it.
Going forward the two keys for us now seem to be 1) my wife developing and showing a true sexual dominance. She likes the idea of a sex slave but doesn't tease me enough or exert much enforcement of chastity. And 2) a cage I can wear overnight and hopefully several days constant.
If both of those work out we would likely progress to extended orgasm denial. Success for extended orgasm denial depends on our ability to satisfy each other going forward which is likely much different than we have in the past however...
My wife likes to mentally tease and she knows I like some level of humiliation, cbt, voyeurism and exhibitionism so hopefully the likes she has for the mental game combined with the benefits to her if im a sex slave turn into her being more creative and assertive. I have not voiced my specific expectations or hopes because i would 100% be uninterested in ANY more games if I know she did it only to make me happy.
This is a complicated game if you make it so but in the end, it's much more than a game as well.