I've been reading this forums now for a few weeks and I'm a bit confused. For most couples here, humiliation of a male seems to be main aspect of chastity. In contrast, in our relationship chastity is a game with the purpose of having fun. So, no forced feminization or degradation. Are we so special? ;-)
i don't think you are special cos theres lots of men on here like you and do what you do. and i don't think really that men can be made to be feminine cos they has to want to be girls.
Although I do like humiliation, it's really more my fetish than mistress's. She teases me more about being denied and wanting her versus trying to purposely humiliate me. The reality is, is that you can make chastity anything you want it to be. In the end it's up to your keyholder and however she wants to treat you and if you're going to be able to handle it.
Maybe for some, but definitely not all. For us, it's really the only way my wife can enjoy making love. It's a long story, but my wife hates penetration. Even just making love without being locked, she gets nervous and anxious if I have an erection during lovemaking. Just the possibility that I could penetrate her is too much of a distraction for her to be able to relax and enjoy lovemaking. I win't bore you with the long version of the story, but I introduced chastity to overcome a masturbation habit (2-3 times per day). We would take the cage off whenever I wanted sex, and it was simply a masturbation stopper. Then after about a month, I really wanted sex one night, but my wife informed me she was menstruating. But then she suggested I just stay locked up and we could do "everything else". My wife had her first orgasm of her life that night (we had already been married for seven years and had 4 children). That night changed our sexual relationship dramatically. My wife later confessed to me that she had wanted to keep me locked up during sex from the very first day I wore the device but was afraid to make such a demand. Her period gave her the perfect opportunity to live out her fantasy without the risk of seeming cruel. We almost never have "sex" now. I prefer to use the term "lovemaking" to describe our sex life now. My penis is almost always locked during lovemaking. My wife really likes the way I respond to her touches when I've been locked up for a while and start getting sensitive to her touches. So, for us, it has nothing to do with humiliation. It's really just something that makes lovemaking fun and enjoyable for my wife. For somebody who finds penile penetration painful, it takes away the fear and anxiety of knowing that at some point I will penetrate her.
Nope, you aren't special! Me and my guy are quite the same! I have NO desire of forced feminization. Sure, I will do embarrassing or degrading talk once in awhile, but chastity for us, is more about the control it gives me over his most favorite body part.
We use it occasionally, not something she is active with. I'm small (4.1 inches)but can make her cum with it and she's fine with the size. That being said I enjoy a bit of playful humiliation but it's not a need. I just enjoy the honesty. She loves me and our sex is great, but there was nothing like seeing and hearing her orgasm with the big strapon I used on her. The fem clothing and pegging is more of a personal "feeling". Some tend, and I am one of them, that the longer I'm denied the more feminine and willing to open up to her I become. To expose yourself to ridicule and taking away ego and masculinity, knowing what they could do with that knowledge is a big turn on for some. It's not a mandatory fantasy just a common one. If she said it turned her off, we wouldn't do it, but now that we've started doing it I think she likes the softer side of me on occasion. Not really any normal when it comes to locking up a penis.
I don't think chastity has to be about degradation. If that's how people use it, okay. For me personally, chastity isn't degrading at all! Keeping your chastity requires an enormous amount of self-discipline and mental strength, not to give in to your primal instinct and just blow your load. Plus: It makes you feel good to. Chastity is a virtue! We should be proud of it.
It is not a main part of our chastity and neither is D/s. It is very difficult to find a forum or even a book that portrays chastity as just chastity and not part of a larger fetish. We failed at our first two attempts at chastity play because I was trying to turn my wife into a dominatrix, lead our marriage and feminize me. It was not until we tossed all that stuff out and only did teasing and denial, did chastity work for us. Despite being locked up for going on 5 years now, my wife still asks me what to make for dinner and what to watch on TV. She enjoys doing things for me because that is how she was raised and all attempts to change her failed so far. We are trying to make her less submissive since she got a taste of control through chastity but like all the other times she reads the words, knows what to do but she still wants to please me all the time, except for orgasms. The only humiliation is about my penis and only because she knows it is OK top tease me about that. In reality she is fine with the size of my penis which gave her lots of multiple orgasms for much of our marriage. It is easy to be humiliated for something you are secure with. I joke that we are so boring now during sex that even our dog no longer wants to stay and lay on the bed with us. Yet I wear a chastity cage and go months between orgasms. Outside of the bedroom we are just an old fashioned husband and wife.
The basic concept of chastity was to lock up your wife whilst you were away on crusades and conquering Johnny foreigner. Wife was ok with that as the black smith had a second key and a bigger willy. Move forward to recent times and the revival of chastity and for most part it's the complete reverse as it's now an addition to having more abit slightly to very unconventional sex. The exact mix is very dependant on the players in what ever situation arises or not as the case maybe. So nobody is an outsider when it comes to what how and why people find themselves on CM or how they play the game with or without a device . So don't worry just enjoy. Xx Wendy
For me its all about control. When I am locked I am not able to do what i want do to. Someone else has the power to say yes or no its all up to them.
It's about whatever you and your keyholder want it to be. Keep in mind that there are a lot of posts here that are more fantasy than reality. My KH/GF would never intentionally humiliate me nor I her. Obviously, some people are into that and that's fine too.
So, the overwhelming evidence from the people answering the op is that humiliation isn't or doesn't have to be part of chastity. It certainly isn't my experience that is going to give the opposing view. Elle is the most loving, caring, nurturing Wife and completely refuses to bring humiliation into our relationship. I don't wear feminine clothes because I am being forced to or find it degrading, I wear them because we both like me wearing them. Elle does strict, she doesn't do degrading.
There isn't any humiliation involved in any part of our relationship, nor is there any feminization or degradation. Neither one of us would stand for that.
Fun's the key. The rest is up to you. Humiliation, feminization, whatever the rest of the details are are secondary. There's certainly some common elements. Some level of femdom and orgasm denial, or at least control over the orgasms, I would say are pretty universal. How you go from there is all up to whatever get you hard or her wet. Let the that lead you and you'll be good I think!
Fun's the key. The rest is up to you. Humiliation, feminization, whatever the rest of the details are are secondary. There's certainly some common elements. Some level of femdom and orgasm denial, or at least control over the orgasms, I would say are pretty universal. How you go from there is all up to whatever gets you hard or her wet. Let the the tight cages and damp panties guide you and I think you'll be good!
We are very much like you - mutual fun is the aim of our indulgence in this kink and a few others. There is no doubt that the market for devices is far bigger than it was say 8 years ago (when we first played) but it is unclear to me if this is due to more people taking it seriously or more people having a light-hearted dabble with chastity play or both.
I would consider us a "vanilla" couple. Obvious exception is that my penis is locked up and she has the key. We are not into D/s, feminization, humiliation, etc. Certainly nothing wrong with any of it, just not our style. To be honest still trying to figure it out. In the meantime locked mostly 24/7.
No, chastity works different for alot of people. I use it to discipline him. I don't like it when he looks at porn or masturbates, so there has to be a consequence. If he's not going to learn to control himself, I"ll control him until he learns. He's alot more submissive when he's dressed up, so I use feminization for that and to humiliate him, which is also part of disciplining him. That's it. What do you and KH want out of it. I want him to learn discipline and self-control. The paddle is used to teach just like locking up and humiliation is used to teach. Don;t want to get locked up paddled or humiliated, don't look at porn or masturbate. He knows all he needs to do is let me know, and he can have whatever he wants. If I'm not home, he can wait till I get home. If he doesn't want to bother me because I'm tired or asleep, that's great, I appreciate it, but he;s still going to learn self-control or I'll just keep controlling him. He can wake me up if he needs it that bad, I'll even give him a quickie when I do wake up, if he needs it that bad. Of course, if he's in chastity or under discipline, he doesn't get to ask for it.