a year in and struggling...

He could look after the kids while you go for a manicure, massage, something nice that makes you feel more feminine and less Mum. Seriously, chastity and submission is about making your Mistress happy. I cook dinner almost every day as that makes my Wife relax and gives her more time for herself. She cooks when she wants to, which tends to be at weekends but only once every few months or so. If he helps you to relax then it benefits both of you.

It isn't all about the sex, or control of orgasms.

Just don't forget he is locked and unable to orgasm. Let him pleasure you occasionally as denial of your tired aching stressed Mum body will leave him feeling worse than anything else. And a nice orgasm will help you relax and sleep better.

 

And that is how it should be! But it's only a maybe on your part for any rewards you dole out. That said if you do reward him he will be more likely to suggest it happens again in the future.

I had a vanilla friend who recently had a bit of a breakdown and it turned out the root cause was too much Mum and Wife and not enough Self. We all need to feel comfortable in our own skin.

 

When we first started this my Wife and I listened to an audio book that was completely unrealistic in its 'instructions' for a Mistress. My Wife told me flat that there was no way she was going to do that sort of thing 24/7. She wanted the chastity thing to be a 'game' and to be fun. if it wasn't fun it wasn't going to happen.

What has developed is a lifestyle in which she has a lot of fun even though it is no game for me. I wear the Holy Trainer 24/7, have given up my right to masturbate and to control any sex we have. But what I have gained far outweighs the things I have given up. So despite saying that she was too busy to do this 24/7 that is exactly what has happened. But it only happened because the amount of edffort on her part totally fits in with her already busy lifestyle.

If anything having me in a chastity device has made her life easier, not harder. She gets to decide what we do and when we do it. We find the time together that we can which for us is usually a joint shower three times a week after we have been to the gym. Anything else fits into our lifestyle wherever it can. With two young kids that time will obviously be squeezed, and you are both going to be tired. But I strongly believe that removing a penis brain from the equation will help enormously.

 

Just never forget that a quick touch or 5 second grope of his caged cock goes a long way towards keeping him happy in his chaste state. Or have him go down on you for 30 seconds before you rush out the door.

 

Jessica Aleksander has a god point in her comment.

first sorry for my english but what to participate anyway.

I can tell what my mistress does to keep me in the heat. She often has work and is busy.

She can send me a short sms and asking about how her toy is doing, or tell she is looking foreward to be nursed when home, and other small comments there get me (and her too I think) to think of each other and what we have
She also when together make small things there is very easy to do and dont keep in the way for normal activy.
Some idees/eksampels

she shows me when going out the door ( f.eks to go shopping) that she has no trouses or a rubber bra or ... under her formal clothes. some times I am with her - sometimes I am left home thinking about her - which can make me more horny than actuelly be with her because my brain is working overdrive ....

The other day she told me I was in the morning that I was in for a reward because I had been a good slave the day before.
She did get dressed very sexy in leather when we was relaxing in the late evening and told me with a big smile, that I could enjoy the sexy my beautifull mistress as a reward ....... and there I had all day been dreaming about some unlocking,

Or just dressing in a pair of raintrouses that she knows always wake me up -totally out of nowhere- when doing normal daily activity. Ironing, cooking and like that. Just because .......
Or she can send me a selfiepictures of the key to my chastity device which she always has in her bra just in between - where we all would like to rest..... together with a short comment about something sexy or dirty or ....

All fast and easy action for KH, there can be done in 1 min of time and it always get my mind going and very much looking foreward to be together and does that I never feel left out or forgotten.

Remember very much sex happen in the brain and those small hints always get me to dream and enjoy- and hope. And over the last couple of years she has made it so I never know where and when something happens which also make me alert and dreaming. Comments can arrive within several days inbetweeen or several message in one day all upto her and her timescedule.

Strangely this Has made our sexlife happy and interesting after more that 33 years of live together and some years with low intensitet. Has made us almost like newly wed. again and we have restarted to have much more fun and attension to each other

Toanlimina

 

@toanlimina absolutely! My Wife and I are closer now than we have been for many years. Not that we ever stopped loving each other, but now we are more interested in each other.

 

@mistress wood I've found that it's important to remember that there is no such thing as failing when it comes to your sex life, only learning. Struggling to come up with ideas is part of the process, but just so I understand, you mean ideas of how to engage with him/chastity and also keep him engaged? Or something along those lines?

 

Your personal commitment and acceptance of the process as well as letting her find her rhythm un-pressured is to be commended.

 

Thanks. It wasn't easy at first @DarkKnight, it took a lot of adjustment from me. I had several episodes of what can only be described as panic attacks when we first started, even though it was me who suggested it in the first place. Luckily those moments of debilitating doubt now seem to be behind me.

 

It sounds like he is testing you and maybe pushing you to assert the control. You can either leave him locked up and only tease him enough to keep his interest going or call his bluff and threaten to end all chastity play. A really good way to tease so that you aren't denied is to get a high quality strap on and make him use it on you while leaving him in his cage. He will be frustrated and give you the best shagging that you have ever had and YOU get to chose your dream cock!

 

I think struggling is part of being a keyholder. I know he wants a lot more than I give him. If he had his way we would spend all of our time playing. Check out locks.club. this is a really good way to give him things to do, and also get rewards for doing them. I use this for his every day things like cooking dinner, helping clean the house, laundry, giving me orgasms. But also remember to establish a routine you can follow. If he has reward points, and wants to use them then it will be up to you to follow through. If he isn't doing what you want him to do, Then some sort of punishment is in order. You don't have to be mean, just firm in your resolve to give the punishment. Chastity is really more about what you want and you literally hold his key. Make sure he knows it.

 

He sounds like he needs a reality check! I think he needs a longer period looking after the kids.

Just an idea, but maybe you need an overnight stay somewhere without him and the kids. He needs to spend 48 hours looking after them so he can find out exactly how much work is involved. I was a house husband with two kids for seven years so I talk from experience.

He also needs to learn that the phrase happy Wife = happy life is absolutely correct, and it is his job as your husband to try and make that happen as much as he can. He finds a back rub boring? How about no jiggy until he learns to give you a back rub and enjoy it!? Seriously? Making you happy is boring?

First rule of chastity is it is all about you. You have sex when it is what you want, not what he wants. He sounds like he has not moved from the fantasy phase to the reality phase. Prepare for stormy seas ahead.

 

It's called topping from the bottom, he's attempting to fulfill his desires of giving you control without actually relinquishing control and he's doing it through manipulation and whining. Basically you need to send him a strong message that you won't accept his trying to top from the bottom. Stand firm and punish him with extra chastity time and other punishments if whines about doing what you order him to do. With enough time in chastity and discipline/strictness from you, he'll start to appreciate whatever you give him. He wanted you in charge, so take charge, even if that means forcing him to do stuff he doesn't want to do, that's the beauty of all this.

 

I agree with @ChasteHubby2015 - he is asking for you to take control without understanding what that actually entails. You therefore have two options. Give him the key back and give up, or tell him to wind his neck in and do as he is told. Control is control, not just in the bedroom. If you choose the first option you both lose as you do not gain the advantages a woman gets when her partner is locked in chastity. It is now down to how strong are you and how much does he really want this.

 

Absolutely right, what he needs most from you now is discipline, discipline, discipline! I use the analogy of a person who wants to lose weight and constantly complains to their personal trainer when they order them to lift this and eat only that, they want to lose weight, but they're weak and need a personal trainer that'll kick their butt into shape. I say this, because he seems a lot like me. Even though your husband resists and complains, he actually needs you to be extremely firm and strict with him. I recommend you increase his chastity time and turn up the teasing and punishments, that attitude of his will break and he'll start to offer to do the chores and give you massages. If he's locked long enough and teased, I promise you, he'll comply with orders to turn off the sports game on tv and paint your toenails.

 

earn rewards wow wish that girl had that

 

My boy and I work on a reward system. I've made a chart listing points that he gets for doing certain things like massages, making dinner, cleaning, etc. He works towards an random number (that he rolls dice or spins a wheel for) in order to be granted supervised release. He diligently checks the chart each day and strives to earn them.

However, if your hubby is resisting it might be him testing his limits and craving more control.

 

that is so amazing this girl is just new to all this she would never get a reward you are such a nice mistress

 

@mistress wood He just sounds like a typical male to me. He wants all the fun and thrill of chastity but none of the hardship. Tell him straight that if he's a good boy and does what he's told then rewards will follow. If he whinges and pesters you for attention and doesn't do his fair share of domesticity then he will remain locked and ignored. He is new to all of this but you might as well start as you intend to continue. Either he will comply with your wishes or forget chastity.

 

An absolutely perfect answer, I agree 100% with Mistress B.