playing with a virtual keyholder

I recognize partially the reaction of your wife, she is relieved that it was not her decision to make. I've tried that myself years ago without the expected reaction of my wife, she was not in to it at all.
Now after some years, I recently approached my wife again, but in a totally other way, presenting it like a play thing that was reallty important to me because I thought (and till think) it could help me to better understand her needs and that I hoped it could help us getting the most out of it for her.
I have not put any pressure on her to keep the keys or something; I just explained I want to do this for her and that I would be ever so grateful when she would go along in my thinking. And that I would welcome any tips or 'requirements' (what a harsh word for a vanilla couple) to also make it acceptable for her. She had some practical things and I comply ever since with these, just to make her feel confortable, that there is no pressure on her whatsoever. And it seems to help!
Because here I am: in my second chaste period (first one was 30 days) and now again since 8 days.

My fantasy of how it should be is totally different (expected much teasing etc.....), well it did not happen to me (yet?), but what I feel is happening to me is something better, we cuddle, flirt and laugh more. (yes: humour is so important!)

I'm steadily evolving in to a state of mind where I really put her interests above mine, not becoming the submissive for her, don't want her to be upset that she lost a man, no I want to make clear to her that she won a more attentive and less selfish man.

And so far that works, for both her and me, so I'm really glad with my new approach and the result so far.

I pamper my wife a lot more, told her that I feel falling in love again, and added that when she would feel I exaggerate towards her, she should tell me immediately. She just smiled so warm and told me with a wink in her eyes, that she would tell me immediately when that would be the case, if that would be the case.

I do not know how best to explain, but I feel, that this is the way we (my wife and I) should go, that not orgasming (me) really helps me accomplish all this wonderful changes ...and that I should not make a big deal of me having orgasms only when she would desire it. I also never ask her, we just laugh about it when this becomes the subject of our talks.

She just should not feel any pressure whatsoever, and I believe so far, for us, it works fine like that,

Is it only wishful thinking of me or is she really slowly coming in to the chastity play and the benefits it has for her.

I certainly hope so, meanwhile I'm enjoying every day in our new play (I may feel and call it a journey, but to her I want it to feel like play without any pressure).

I take it one day at a time, and just try to improve a bit every day, trying not to overdo it either, have to slow myself (or my fantasy?) down regularly, but I'm glad so far I succeed at this.

Regarding your on-line key holder, that would not work for me, I would miss the relational connection with this "commercial" key holding service, but when it does the job for you, that is OK and I'm happy for you, after all that is the reason why these services exist, isn't' it.

Good luck with your wife and just focus on her, avoid any pressure on her, make a joke once in while about this chastity play and show her every day again that she merits some positive change. When she fully realizes it is from the chastity play, I believe you are good to go in this wonderful journey. (the last part I wrote because I hope to be in that case too sometime in the (near ?) future.

Succes!

 

Isn't it so strange that we as men have this desire (need) to submit and serve our wives.... and chastity helps us do that... I can not explain what it is, but the molment the device goes on I get into the mindset and love every minute of it, and when it is off I just lose the motivation.
It is a strange thing. But I love to be locked and oddly enough, it seems as though we have a tough time convincing our wives to keep us this way. Females are odd.
Lets be real guys, if we had a lover that wanted to serve us and wait on us hand an foot and satisfy our every sexual need and in return thats all we had to do was deny them an orgasm..... does that seem like something we would have a hard time doing?

 

I would certainly not have any problem with that at all but maybe we then would have to be honest to ourselves: would we get in the same mind set and cherish our partner the same way when we were "free" to cum any time we wanted?
I fear that I would fall back in the "distance" approach again like before I started to go locked...:spank:and really miss the connection with my wife.

Maybe a combination of both being locked, only unlocking each other when we both felt like doing so? I can imagine that in that case the times we "both" would feel like unlocking might be a lot less than when it would only be up to me, making it something special again

 

Exactly, that is the way I feel too: no need to rush things.
By the way: my remark above about being both locked up, was just a theoretical possibility.
I don't think it would work for me though, I enjoy her orgasms maybe even more that she does ? doing my best to make her understand that

 

If only that was all we had to do....sheesh

 

@Miss_Red_Dragon I believe that's maybe typically male, we tend to underestimate our princess's role and overestimate our own role. I'm gradually becoming aware of that .. allow me the time, no need to rush anything.

 

But when she does then tease you, doesn't it feel wonderful? It does for me, and I've broadened the meaning of teasing: when she only looks at me with a wicked smile or just briefly touches my cage when we cuddle (with her leg or hand or..) I feel in heaven. Yeah I really love that woman of mine

 

By the way, ever proposed to do her nails for her? can be quite hot you know!

 

THIS! A million times over.

As a Lifestyle Mistress I can't tell you how much of my day my mind is occupied with everyday things and then add to it plans to tease and control my slaves, either by text, in person, online... just to keep them on their toes and keen. And then of course there is the plan and delegation list of my slave here... I swear people thing we sit on our arse doing sweet FA!

As a Professional Dominatrix I hate it when people say "£125 for an hour... you're raking it in". Remember, I pay for a dungeon, keep it clean, clothe myself, buy equipment. I turn up at least an hour before to prepare, and that doesn't account for the time I spend talking to my client, getting to know his fantasy and planning what I will be doing. Or the hour or so afterwards it takes to clean everything thoroughly, get showered and changed and travel home.

We work really damned hard. The least you could do is offer to paint her nails! :spank:

 

I knew I would stir the pot with that comment.

I will say that you should be painting her nails for her.
And if she makes you do it while wearing her panties, than it would qualify as t & d

 

I understand, same here, we're not into D/s but that was not what I had in mind when I suggested doing her nails was maybe an idea.

I believe chastity does not automatically mean you should combine it with D/s style, it can very well be however or grow in that sense to a bigger or lesser extent later on, or not ever become a fact. And any way you both feel comfortable with, is the good way.

I just suggested it to find ways of spending some more quality time together, that's in my opinion the most important.
Your message gave me the impression that you wanted some more quality time with her.

But hey that was my impression, maybe a wrong impression.
Must have been because I feel I could use some more quality time with my wife myself, and every day again I'm trying to find ways to accomplish that while in the same time being cautious not to suffocate her.

A thin line to walk, but to my feeling the only way to avoid feeling neglected...

The mind is a strange thing isn't it?

 

@ ineverknew
Please believe I ment my comment in the most positive manner. I do my wife's nailes for her about 50% of the time and I find it a very nice way to serve her. What is going through my mind at the time is probably very different from what is in hers.
Dominance is a very subjective position. I am truely the head of the household and my wife would never qestion me in front of the kids or undermine my authority. When it comes to teams, organizations, work, and politics, I need to be the one in charge, I am not a follower. This is the way we both want it to be. However behind closed doors (aka the bedroom) she is unquestionably the boss, a position which she took by default because I refuse to be in charge of this aspect. I have a very strong submissive side, but only in the sexual capacity.
As far as the panties go.... it took a suprising amount of hints and suggestions over the past 5 years befor I finally got her to donate a pair of her panties to me. They are black boy shorts and not very feminine.... but its the thought that counts.

 

You need a tube type with a closed end apart from a pee hole. No spaces to get anything touching anything that'll get you off.

Unless you can O just from thinking about it and massaging your perineum - which some can. The B'stards.

 

I'm slightly reminded of a time when I was vegan.

Obviously there is a the huge conundrum of wanting to cum, yet not wanting to cum that chastity often (usually?) presents.
But why torture yourself, unless torturing yourself is what you like to do of course? If chastity ends up meaning that your masturbation is reduced to the occasional difficult climax through a chastity cage then so what? If that is what your reality has become then embrace that.

BAck to being vegan - we'd just had a big house party (a big old squat many many years ago) and in hte morning there was this scottish punk just glugging a pint of milk. All I could look forward to was some vegan crap, and at that moment chugging a pint of milk looked very attractive. So I said I wished I could do that, and he says well dont fuckken torture yourself just have some milk if that's what you want! So I went and bought a pint. Learnt a lesson right there off that punk.