New to chastity, full of questions

Hello,

I'm new to this, having been curious for a while. So my marriage of 13 years has been going badly for a couple of years, we spend evenings in separate parts of the house, never have sex, and have a lot of hostility and so on. SHe watched a lot of TV, I played a lot of video games, and of course, as you may imaging, since we were not having sex, I've been abusing the internet. Well, a few months ago I managed to accidentally find a young woman who played the same video games as I do, really enjoyed my company, liked me much more than my wife did, and well, one thing led to another. We never actually met, but we did have an emotional affair. I fell in love with her.

While on vacation in Mexico with my wife a few days ago, my wife found her pictures while rooting through my phone. Well, I must have been fed up enough to walk into that situation, because I'm not stupid enough to have her photos on my phone and expect secrecy to continue.

Our marriage exploded. She posted word of my infidelity on Facebook for all to see. We fought and fought. Everything from "you have a little dick", to - well, you get the idea. I went to the airport, intending to leave this hostile, lonely relationship forever, and realized that I simply can't. I realized that I am unable to leave her, that I still love her more than I thought I did, and that I would rather die with her than live without her. She took me back, and we are still on vacation in Mexico.

It is currently very difficult. I am doing my damnedest to right the wrongs. Obviously my sins were not the product of some unthinking selfish bastard in an otherwise idyllic relationship to the perfectly loving devoted bride. It takes two to tango, as they say, but trust is suddenly a VERY BIG ISSUE.

I offered her the concept of my wearing a male chastity device as a peace offering. Her initial reaction was that it is absurd. A day or so later, I mentioned it again, and this time she was more interested, and wanted to know how the things work (if they work), why I would want to do it, what my expectations would be, and all that. I showed her pictures of a CB-6000s, and many many testimonials, from forums mostly, about how it "saved our marriage", how "he does so much more housework now", about how "I am utterly devoted to her now and love it", blah blah blah.

Well, I don't know if it was her need for sex after many long months without, or desperation to be able to trust me, or the idea of me doing more housework, or (most likely), the thought that for once sex could be about HER instead of me, for HER, and ONLY for her, or because she likes the idea now of torturing me, but another day later, and she suddenly decided it was a fantastic idea. We have ordered a CB-6000s, an enormous strap-on, and, even stranger, a penis pump (yes we know they don't have permanent effect, so it must be simply something to torture me with). We won't get home for another 8 days, after which time I will be locked up, for I don't know how long at a time. I am desperate to restore her trust and the love and passion we felt when we first married. I want her to have complete control over my ability to orgasm, in fact, I want her to tease and torture me to some degree, with orgasm denial. I want her to feel completely in charge, and to feel that I am unmistakably devoted to her. I want her to know that I cannot orgasm without her say-so, so that I don't have to prove that I am not messing around online - because why would I if I am locked up?

She took the ball and ran with it. We had the best sex of our lives. I did oral on her, she rode me, she performed oral me, she used a vibrator while I sucked her breasts, she made me play with myself - and stop. We made love twice a day for two days straight so far, and in that time, I have not been allowed a single orgasm, even though I am not yet locked up, and I have been playing with myself twice a day for years. I literally have not gone this long without, in 1-2 years. I could easily cheat, not being locked up, but I really DO want to keep my word in this regard, so I have not. Last night I woke up so insatiably horny, I sat on the side of the bed for 30 minutes, wishing she would wake up so I could beg to go down on her.

It seems we are both taking to this like fish to water. But I have questions.

How long do men locked in chastity by their spouses go, without release? Don't wives like getting the penis? Are they really just as happy without it? Will my wife grow to enjoy this huge strap-on so much, that my comparatively tiny penis won't be something she ever wants anymore? Will she enjoy keeping me locked up for longer and longer periods? Will I WANT her to keep me locked up for longer and longer periods? Is this likely to become a lifelong thing? I'm terrified, but also excited.

 

Thank you very much for the answers thus far. I should probably say that I already understand that this is not a cure-all. Only a fool could think that. We DO have many, many shared interests (jazz, home winemaking, travel, etc). We will be going to counselling (already booked). We also have other ideas, such as going to bed at the same time - for example, she sleeps more than I do, but even if I will get back up for a while after she goes to bed, I will still be joining her for a 20 minute cuddle/talk session when she goes to bed. I guess I am only apprehensive (scared but excited) about the sexual aspects of it. You people must understand (even if nobody else would) the incredible step it must be, from being in control of my own arousal, erection, and orgasm, for the last 35-40 years, orgasming sometimes 5 times in a day, to suddenly being completely at her mercy, and POTENTIALLY going months without!!! I don't expect it to be months, but I am no longer in control, in fact I am promising myself that I won't even ASK her for release. I really do want her to be in control and it scares the crap out of me. Even the fact that she WANTED a strap-on that is FAR larger than I am. Terrified- but in a good way.

 

Quite surprised by that observation, to be honest, but it's certainly something to think about. Point taken.

 

We were just having sex. Her idea. She is suddenly insatiable. She said "I think this is the horniest I've ever been. I feel safe again". And then she started crying, but without stopping what she'd been doing.

Really, chastingfun, If I was only interested in sex, I would have left her when the sex stopped years ago. I have no other reason to be on this particular site, though, than to talk about the chastity thing. There are a million better places, perhaps, where I can talk about the other, more important aspects of our relationship. Perhaps I don't belong here after all.

 

Well maybe I deserved it. I'd say that I definitely deserved it, for allowing myself to fall for someone else while married, if the previous shittiness of our marriage had been exclusively my fault, but anyway, I'm really trying to be a less selfish person, as is my wife. It really is absolutely astonishing, beyond my wildest dreams, how our love has been rekindled, and this whole male chastity thing, as crazy as it sounds, had such a large role in it, that we are both embracing it as a lifestyle, with the desire for it to be permanent. I went from 2-5 orgasms a day (via masturbation), to zero orgasms in the last six days. My wife went from zero to 3-4 orgasms a day. I am horny all the time, but my wife no longer finds it threatening. My wife feels safe and loved and respected and desired - and horny all the time.

Obviously when we get back from Mexico, and go back to daily life and work, things will be different, but by then we will have our device, and I will be "locked down", and for the rest of my life, hopefully, I will be completely at her whim and mercy. We have already discussed the possibility of going extremely long periods without me being unlocked. The more I deny myself and seek to please her, the happier we both are.

In a restaurant the other night, she was looking around at all the other people, and how so many looked miserable, and she said she felt like we have "the secret". She keeps telling me how touched she is that I am willing to give her the key and the control, that I am willing to deny myself for her pleasure, that I am suddenly so devoted to her. She says she can't imagine the roles being reversed, that she'd go insane, so I know she "gets" it. However, she is eager to deny and control and own me, because I am SO insistent that it's what I really want and need. i know it can't possibly remain this good, but right now it really is perfect for both of us.

 

There really is nothing more delicious than going inside her after a period of denial, and not being allowed to finish.

Except for the joy of making/watching her cum over and over, and to still be left WANTING her afterwards, as much as before.

 

Well, we are at home and we have the CB-6000S. It's plenty long enough, but I really don't think it's big enough in diameter. Fitting it has proven to be about as difficult and painful as trying to shove a marshmallow up a wild tomcat's arse. And it comes off FAR more easily than it goes on; we've tried various rings and spacers, etc, so most of the time I am not caged, although we seem to be homing in on a better fit. Part of the problem is that I am overweight. Part of the problem is that my nuts are shrunken from testosterone replacement therapy, so they pull through too easily, and part of the problem is that my penis likes to "retract", which is a function of being overweight and "partially" circumcised.

As an aside, I was on testosterone replacement therapy because I tested low. I kind of crushed my nuts and my legs in an accident 8 years ago, and the reduced testosterone, chronic leg pain, and elevated cortisol (stress hormone) levels, is probably partially responsible for my gaining fat, losing muscle, and getting hypertension and diabetes. I say partially, because I don't want to avoid responsibility for my own choices, particularly dietary choices. By the way, I highly recommend testosterone replacement therapy to anyone who tests low- it doesn't just restore libido, it helps with weight loss and it helped with my mood- I had been very depressed and moody prior to being diagnosed with low test, and after a month or two of therapy, I really began to feel like me again. You may or may not experience testicle shrinkage, depending on your dose and other factors, but that never bothered me one iota until I tried to fit a chastity device. I will confess that I've been taking more than the prescribed dose, because it's been helping me to recover some of my muscle and lose fat, and so the shrinkage is probably due to that. I've gone off my test. for now, in the hopes of a better fit when my balls get bigger, so I'm going to have to be VERY careful about my diet to keep losing weight. Oh, carbohydrate, how I love and hate you!

My wife and I are getting along so much better now, since our blowout 3-4 weeks ago, and our recommitment, and the beginning of our male chastity thing. She says I am a very different man. Well, considering we hit "rock bottom", and I came to realize how much I do still love her, I should hope so. I don't think it's due to my chastity so much as to the fact that we are both approaching the relationship differently, we both value each other so much more now, and we are both so much less focussed on "what's in it for ME".

We've drawn up a contract, which basically involves me being locked up in male chastity - forever - and her being the keyholder, and completely in charge, sexually, and we have both signed it. The last three weeks have been the best 3 weeks of our entire 15 years together. I love her more than I ever have before, and vice versa. She started crying in the middle of sex a while ago, and said "I feel so safe now. You have no idea how important that is". Yes we still have sex, but now it's only on our weekly date night, unless you count me giving her oral, in which case it's every day.

We have started playing a game. It goes something like this: I am to be locked up all week (once the fitment issues are sorted). Once a week on date night, I roll a die twice. Depending on the numbers I roll, I have a 50% chance of a ruined orgasm, a 40% chance of no orgasm at all, and a 10% chance of a real, full orgasm. I roll the dice without looking, and she doesn't tell me what I rolled until I am about to be locked up again at the end of the night. That way, while she is teasing me and edging me, I don't know if I am going to get to orgasm or not, which just adds to the tension. In the last twenty days, I have not had a single orgasm. Last Saturday she tied my hands and teased me for 3 (?) hours, and refused to let me orgasm, because I hadn't rolled the right numbers on the dice. Every time I would get close, she'd stop, and I could tell she was really enjoying torturing me. She was totally laughing with sheer delight at my frustration. When she finally said "OK, that's it, you're done. You don't get to cum tonight", I went crazy with frustration, and buried my face in her nether regions, which she didn't mind one bit. I don't think I have ever gone this long before, since I was 12 years old. In that period of time, my wife has had probably 60-70 orgasms, and they seem to be quite spectacular and long lasting. She has had some guilt feelings about it being "unfair", but I think those feelings are almost gone. She is very very fond of the attention she has been getting, and she is beginning to feel more like a mistress (in the "dom" sense of course, not the "other woman" sense). She misses making me orgasm, though, but not enough to give up what she's been getting sexually, and what we are both getting in terms of romance, affection, passion, and closeness. She's taken a great liking to teasing and denying me, to the point that she has created some online lesbian dating profiles - I think she is missing the feeling of making someone else orgasm, but is also excited about the prospect of making me watch while locked up. She says she has no intention of actually meeting anyone, but we'll see. I'm sure it wouldn't be any time soon if it happens at all, but I'm fine either way (I've known she was bi since 2001).

She's very frustrated by the fitment issues. She VERY much prefers me to be caged; she feels more at peace and content when I am locked up. She is 100% convinced that it is beneficial to our marriage, in fact she's said on multiple occasions that it "saved" our marriage, although I think that's a tremendous exaggeration. Well... it's working good for us, anyway.

 

Thanks. I'll give it a try.