Chastity with D/s is it possible?

There is certainly an element of submission in giving away ones erections and orgasms to another to allow or not allow, at least, there is for me.

However, I wouldn't say that what we have is D/s. Certainly she gets to decide if I'm allowed to come, or whether I'm allowed out, and I do my best to be my best for her, but D/s as in the more normal understanding of capital D / lower case s,? No, we don't do that.

I dont 'serve', she doesnt make me lick her shoes, or give her nightly orgasms or any of that stuff (her preference is to come once every 2 months or something), but if she asks something of me, I do my very best to make it happen, and I go out of my way to offer when she doesn't ask, wether that's a coffee in the morning, to a back rub, to a weekend somewhere nice etc.

I'm the more sexual one, so on the flip side I do my best to let her know where my current fantasies lie, and if she feels like it she'll make something happen that rocks my world - that might be once a week, or once a month. In between times she does things that help release a bit of my steam - or create a bit more. I'm never sure which it is.

 

We're kind of exploring the D/s dynamic.. I've been such a bull if not bully for so long, it's nice to just fold myself against Her and try to do my best to make things wonderful. LOL Her words are perfect.. "You first.. "

 

For my Beloved and I its a love based relationship. Sure, you have to allow that giving her control of my manhood is an act of surrender, but there is no spankings, beatings, punishments in our relationship. I do things for her not to get out of chastity, but because during chastity i WANT to do more things for her. It is mutually beneficial for us. Chastity doesn't define our relationship, it has been added to enhance parts of our life, but by no means to dominate the other person. Just like any other kink, there are no rules, and nobody is "Doing it wrong", its just the way ours works. @BKNYC, if you would like to know more, feel free to ask!

 

my situation sort of resembles @SubVerity . Married ten years and lost the intimacy we once had. Chastity has been the key to bringing that back. There is no domination or submission and I think it was a relief to her to hear me say that. She likes me being the man and taking care of her but she also likes knowing that only she has control of my orgasms, and I kinda like it too . I do like making sure she is happy and do nice things for her, but that was always there, maybe i'm just a little more apt to do it now and quicker lol.

 

Or, happily not coming

 

My wife married a man and appreciates being dominated by one at times. I've enough kinks that I also enjoy switching and providing that. By the same token, when she offers to take the key and leave me locked, it's a huge turn on for me, and its led to some creative play. After 20 + years together, that's what I'm looking for.

 

Married for ten years. I have craved BDSM since I was a child. I get dominated, but rather lightly, and the chastity is the foundation of her control.

 

My wife had the (somewhat) higher sex drive the first few years of our relationship - I usually had to get up much earlier, and that took a toll on me. Over the years, she has surprised me a few times, but has grown more vanilla over time. The pressures of work and child rearing are certainly part of that. But, she is sometimes Good, Giving and Game as the columnist Dan Savage puts it, and occasionally my initiation sets off some good times. We found ourselves alone at home not all that long ago (a rare occasion!) and when I asked if we should go up and play, she was super responsive, and we both marveled at the freedom to walk naked, refill our drinks at will - and used a camera and video for our sex for the first time ever. Life's pressures can take a toll, and when the vanilla sex is lacking, the odds of advancing to kink are slim indeed. I also recognize the distance that can create in a relationship during the dry times, and figure I need to keep things prepared for the occasional hit-it-out-of-the-park kind of night.

 

In our case, my wife was hisrotically the submissive one. I have always been a BDSM switch, but my subbing was always woth ther (with my wife's knowledge). We had the usual thing of kids, work and age just cooling our sex life. I spend years just holing up in my man cave looking at porn and masturbating. I started getting interested in chastity as a way of cutting out masturation and being closer sexually to my wife. She isn't naturally dominant, but she likes the sexual attention and loves teasing. We have gotten into pegging and some caning and such, and foot worship, massages, etc. It has brought us much closer. Still, if I am stressed and need to be out of the cage for a coupel of days, she is OK with that.

 

I would say chastity - if a different person as keyholder is involved - is a D/s component by itself.

 

I'd say it's possible. You're right. It is an act of submission, at least for me. But it can be done without domination.

I've struggled with being friendly, helpful and sweet, and keeping a calm demeanor. I've tried hard not to be outwardly craving and desirous all the time. 2014 was a year that I truly worked consistently to be a loving friend, and not push for any particular interaction. It's been incredibly difficult to be good and not spiral into a needy mess, but I've got the hang of it after a year. And, I'm happy to say that I've been rewarded.

Normally I'd ask for something kinky, domination, or high-intensity sex. That takes a lot of energy for her. We've figured this out in a low-intensity, consistent manner. She doesn't boss me around. I'm not humiliated or pushed around.

I'm a strong, virile man who is constantly "ready" for her and a joy to play with. I take what she gives me, and am thrilled. Our intimacy and connection has been better in 2014 than any year since we first met.

This year, for 2015, she agreed to let me continue. She agreed that I am not a burden when chaste, but a pleasure. She agreed that I will not masturbate in 2015. (She said she might direct me to masturbate if we're apart for a few weeks.) It was like getting engaged or married all over again. I was so proud when she said yes. I blushed and hugged her close. She understands my needs and accepts them in a very "sex positive" manner.

I hope to go through all of 2015 without caveats... never masturbating and no orgasms without her direction. I'd rather never masturbate at all, but if she wants me to I will.

For many reasons she didn't want any S&M last year, but intimated she'd want to do more, but still isn't interested in being domineering.

In summary, I can attest that we've done this for the past year without domination.

 

Thank you for this interesting topic. We've struggled for years with her being very vanilla and me suppressing my cuckold fantasies. Being married for more than 20 years, the non fulfilled urges became quite frustrating for me, and the lack of enthusiasm and energy for her.

We discovered chastity by accident. Okay, the truth is - my frustration made me explore other options. I brought it up as a subject, received a neutral to positive reaction and ordered a CB6000 right away. This was a life changing experience. We're both not into d/s games, but locking me up and discuss it opened a whole new world for us.

So far the results are positive. She enjoys the attention, the excitement and arousal and I enjoy the 49/51% sub role. It brought us together in an emotional and loving way leading to more confidence for her and excitement for me. I admit I was very cautious, but buying a Tiffany's key necklace brought her to tears and put a lot of trust that we've chosen the right path.

All this is based on two weeks of playing. I have no clue what the future will bring us, but it feels really good now.

 

For me it is @SubVerity @Nostromo @ineverknew style
My wife is not dominant but she likes to lock me sometimes, and always check I do not masturbate.
Also it helps if I have bigger sexual need than her, it regulates.
I would be interested in talking more about this "soft" version of chastity.

 

Me being locked enhanced our already great relationship as we hoped it would. It was the Icing (frosting?) on the cake if you like.

The thing it changed was that I had relinquished to my girlfriend the choice of when or how or if I got to come.
We both enjoyed, sometimes her more than me, all the aspects of her having that control and what she did with it.

Nothing else changed, sometimes I was really dominant when I sensed she wanted that, sometimes she was when she wanted that.

Someone once said
before chastity.. chop wood carry water
after chastity.....chop wood carry water.

Being in chastity gives guys more to think about whilst chopping wood and carrying water and sometimes more motivation to do them.

Above all it is different things to different people and like people is subject to change.

 

I have always been the more kinky in our relationship and I would consider myself to be switch enjoying both topping and bottoming. My wife has tried to accommodate my kinks and we have had some very satisfying play sessions, but I can tell that she isn't really into this D/s fantasy as much as I am. She did find my 'requests' for her to dress in latex and heels slightly uncomfortable, and kinky play dates became fewer and further apart.

We started with chastity play about a year ago and after a few ups and downs we seem to be settling into it. For me the cage ticks my bondage kink very well, and for her I am focused on her and just her, not the sexy clothes and toys. She really enjoys the fact that we are much more intimate and the fact that when locked my focus has moved from mine to her satisfaction.

Don't get me wrong though I would love her to be more into the D/s thing, clad in latex 24/7 and fulfilling some of my darker fantasies, but because I am focused on her and know she feels uncomfortable with this I am happy to satisfy her in a way she wants.

Bizarrely the whole chastity thing with the exception of me wearing a metal cage on my cock, seems to have made our sex life more vanilla and loving than it previously was.

 

We are married for 23y and still incredibly in love with each other.
I would like to be in a more D/s relation but my wife is mainly a real vanilla girl. So we're taking it step by step and evolve so to a more FLR.
When she puts me in chastity I change and I put more effort in our relation. There is no pain in our relation but I do more things so my wife have more free time. When she has more time she is happy and when she is happy, I'm happy.

 

We have been happily married for 20 years and I have been the kinky high sex drive one and I have had my wife as my slave for a while and we both enjoyed itbut now since we got into chastity we both seem to feel the most comfortable in our roles so to speak it has enhanced our sex life and our marriage which was already great to start with
I have to be in control in my job and I find it a suppisingly erotic turn on to be told what to do when at home I love it and my wife really enjoys it she is making it tougher for me and that is great
Suppisingly we simply cuddle and kiss and talk so much more ...amazing what chastity does