Lately my wife's usually very intense orgasms have not been intense. What had happened was that she made sex all about teasing me to give me pleasure by edging me with hand and mouth. Then she would have her orgasm and then go back to teasing me again. She was making sex like before, all about me except minus my orgasm. Tonight I told her to just focus on herself and be greedy. That did it and now she says she will keep me locked up more during sex. After a month of orgasm denial I rarely get horny out of my cage and have a hard time getting hard. It was a waste of her time to edge me and I told her so. I enjoy making her orgasm and that is my pleasure. It worked. She had a very intense orgasm that left her panting. I think that after 4 years she is realizing that she had substituted edging for giving me an orgasm. Still was focusing on my pleasure before hers. We talked about it and I think she understands. She also told me that I was only getting an orgasm three times a year from now on. She picked the lowest number out of the range I agreed to. The days are my birthday, our anniversary and Valentine's' Day. I like to know when we are doing long term denial. Makes it much easier for me. Just curious about those who do chastity with a loved one. Does your wife worry about your pleasure or does she make sex all about her and could care less about you until it is orgasm time?
That's a good question Vinny. My wife is always worried about my pleasure, discomfort or even pain. I struggle and work very hard to get her to think about her pleasure and let go. To see my wife having an earth shaking orgasm gives me more pleasure than anything and is well worth being denied and even un comfortable. She's getting better at using me for her pleasure but it takes time.
You post shows me that you are real since your experience mirrors my own and that of others who I have known over the last few years who are married. We started year 5 and my wife is finally comfortable with long term denial. She has substituted edging for my orgasms as a way to give me sexual pleasure. I am still working on that and think this year will take care of that last issue in our chastity play. What I am doing now is not reacting to her teasing. I try not to get hard, which is easy anyway. I tell her that she is rubbing me raw when she edges me. I no longer moan when she touches me. Tonight she could not get me to jump at her touch or moan in sexual frustration so she went to pinching my nipples and squeezing my balls to get me to moan for her. My moans trigger her orgasm. I have trained women in many fetishes. Most girls you meet are not into any fetish and do not tend to read or watch porn as we do. What has always worked for me is positive and negative reinforcement. If she does something that enhances her pleasure, I reward her with moans of pleasure. If she starts forgetting about herself, I give negative feedback. I hate to say this but it is a basic way to condition animals and humans. When I joined the Army, that is how they train you. It is effective. So that is my strategy and hopefully not take long since she experiences the benefits in her orgasm. I got her to stop feeling guilty for making me orgasm subtly. I always thanked her for not letting me orgasm. When she had me orgasm, I did not thank her but rather would mention how low energy I felt and regret having the orgasm. That worked well. Say what you will about not topping from the bottom but those not familiar with fetishes need to be taught before you can step back and let them run the show. I have done this with two mistresses and it worked very well. My last one knew nothing about CBT, ballbusting, how to use a whip, crop, cane and paddle. I taught her how to and how much to use it. I taught her about knife play and using cigarettes on me. Then when I stepped away she learned breathe play and ass worship. She learned more advance techniques. Of most importance is to get them to understand the psychology of the fetish. What I did was to get her to want to punish me because I was sterile and could not get her best friend and lover, my wife, pregnant. Therefore my balls and penis served no purpose. Like my wife she preferred sex with women so that was the basis of out S&M play. With my wife I remind her of how small my penis got since I got old and gained weight. I also remind her that my balls were of no use. Lastly I remind her that this is the first time that she did not have to share me with other women and the first time she was the focus of sex, instead of me or her girlfriend. It is just positive reinforcement done over a period of time to guide her to accept what she is doing without guilt. I minored in Psychology and was a Magician for many years. I did a lot of mentalism. Both of which is getting people to do what you want them to do. I have also been diagnosed with a Machiavellian personality which has enabled me to talk girls into my bed and get them to do things that they normally would not do. It is all about showing them the benefit of doing what you would like them to do while at the same time you benefit too. Thanks for the post. Good to have someone I do not have to guess if they are real or not.
Thanks for believing I'm real. Because I am. I know I have been posting on this site for long. I have been interactive on other chastity sites. I actually thought that Chastity Mansion was no longer active. This site is more realistic with people like yourself who are living the lifestyle. Other sites have a lot more fakes and that's what I like about posting here. You are an interesting person. Maybe someday our paths will cross.
Agree 100%. I am tired of reading posts and comments about tease and denial, and edging, especially edging. To me, that's just regular sex by another name with the guy centering on his wee wee and his KH catering to it, whereas chastity is about locking it up and forgetting about it to focus on others things, like pleasure center migration (like nipples, but, above all and most importantly, the brain) and placing the female at the center of the sexual experience. In other words, a female-centered sexuality focused on making her orgasm as our pleasure. I am pragmatic as I read annoying posts about tease and denial and edging, though, and I say nothing. My thinking is that, as time goes by, as/if they continue practicing chastity, they will, as a matter of course, come to realize that, and will adjust accordingly to evolve and become truly chaste. Rome wasn't built in a day.
Last night my wife put it to the test. She ignored my penis and instead squeezed my balls and put clover nipple clips on me. They are the type that get tighter as they are pulled. She even had me put panties on so she could not see my cage. She had another intense orgasm and said she liked it very much. The only problem is that we used to have sex every weekend and now she wants to only have sex whenever she wants an orgasm and not on any schedule. So that is what we are doing now. Quite frankly I am amazed at how she has trained me over the last four years. Back then I would be begging for an orgasm in 3 weeks, but now I still have not felt a desire for it after a month. I have gone 3-4 months before in year 3 and then we went to once a month. I really am hooked on the sexual energy of orgasm denial and I hate to lose that for a few seconds of pleasure. My wife feels like you. She says a ruined orgasm is still an orgasm and there are two things wrong with edging. It takes her focus away from her own pleasure and feels like work and sometimes in the heat of the moment, she does not stop in time. Now there are no such worries and I do not get stressed our about not getting an erection or maintaining it anymore. Much more relaxing. After all these years I have learned to enjoy her orgasm. I actually do feel like I was part of it and I am satisfied with the feeling.
I do believe you are on to something. We are an older couple, but new to tease and denial and our goal was more orgasms for her and less for me. She was getting one or two orgasms a week and we increased that to three or four a week, great, but now we are back to one or two a week. I get "teasing and denial" multiple times a day which involve licking and rubbing her. I am taking your advice...from now on, every night is going to be only about her. Well, maybe not, because I enjoy my wife's orgasms as much as she does, (in that case, its also about me).
Vinny I have to agree with you, and would take it a step further and say that most women suffer from the please your partner first syndrome. It's taken me 20 years to get my wife at least mostly past that. She thought that because I was getting older and it was becoming more difficult for me to perform, that she should, by extension, suffer as well. It's a narrow path to tread. It's a little different for younger folks, those occasional orgasms mean a lot more to those young bucks than they do to a couple of old guys like us I would imagine. Happy holidays!
Everybody is different. Because of my wife's fear/anxiety of my erections, she can't enjoy lovemaking or orgasm unless I'm locked up tight.
Great replys all. I think thought that there is a fine line between chastity and totally ignoring sex with the man. There is celibacy and then there is chastity. One includes sex and the other does not. My wife will tease me every day during the course of her day. She may rub against me, grab my cage or kiss me while waiting for me to try to get erect in my small cage, then walk away laughing. If she totally ignores me, I feel that my wife is not doing chastity with me, but rather is not interested in me as a lover and sexual partner. If that were the case, I have no reason to stay married. There has to be an element of love and fun in our sexual games or why play them. I am not a spiritual person, so I experience no higher purpose in being flogged or denied orgasms other than I enjoy it on some level, physically or mentally. I guess I am saying that I am not really interested in the methods used as much as I am achieving what I wish from my sexual fetishes. We each have our own methods to achieve the results we want, and there is no right or wrong way of doing any sexual fetish. I had enough that in the BDSM world. If you look up the meaning of chastity in anyplace other than a sex site, you are not going to find a requirement to use a chastity device or practice it while wearing panties, being dominated, etc.. In fact, most will say it is just avoiding intercourse outside of marriage if you are married or before marriage, if not. It is all subjective, so I tend to only define it for my needs. Others have different needs and paths to their happiness. Let us all be free to pursue our sexual happiness as best fits us rather than try to define what we feel is the true path. I am no saint in this matter but I am trying to show more tolerance. Unfortunately most sex sites have become the playground of men, who in some cases eschew their real sex life with their wives, for one lived online. This tends to muddy the waters and force examination of just what our fetish is all about. I have never found real life fetish play to go the way it is portrayed in porn but it seems that many these days can duplicate the porn experience from day one. I used to belong to a lot of fetish forums but no more. This one is the last. I tend to focus more on marriage and relationship forums where I am demonized for suggesting that non monogamy is a valid option to a system that fails 50% of the time.
I couldn't agree more. The times when we have issues is when my wife is ignoring me. Sex is just kind of a fun hobby for her, not something she needs. She has fun with it, but doesn't think about it much. As a man, I need sexual attention. Sometimes she forgets that and we have trouble.
Wife cooked all day, no FLR here, and was stressed so she told me get the bedroom ready for sex. After a lot of kissing, massaging and playing with her breast, she said it was time for her vibrator. She used it and had a very intense multiple orgasm saying that she needed that, and she felt like all her stress was lifted after her orgasm. I actually believe that my wife will take me the full 3 months this time like she used to. She no longer cares that I am dripping semen or am so horny that I sometimes cannot get to sleep and wake up early due to an erection. It took 4 years, but finally she no longer feels any guilt and is enjoying not having me orgasm. She loves the attention I give her all day and she giggles like school day when a mere kiss gets my cage moving away from my body. She is having fun, at least more fun than me. I am ready to pop now so I do not even want to think about waiting another two months. I still have hope that she will show me some mercy, if she has any left.