How far do you go without verification? I was just wondering how others have dealt with this. Online you can never be sure who you are talking to. Without verification you can't even be sure of their sex When I met @Mistress Jules I could not be sure who I was talking to. I felt we hit it off from the get go I felt sure this was real. We had exchanged photos after about two weeks. It felt so good to put a face to this person I had spent hours chatting to every night. I had heard about guys who had been locked by a Mistress they had never met, seen or even spoken too. How could they be sure who was locking them, didn’t they want to know? So how long do you wait? How do you ask her to verify without making her feel insulted? I was really lucky @Mistress Jules phoned me and not long after we has a video chat. An online relationship needs a lot of trust from the start. I wonder how long that trust would last without some sort of verification.
I shared a strictly on-line relationship with a lifestyle Domina for 2 years, exchanging only emails on a regular basis. I did this, incidentally, with the complete blessing of the Lady I was in a FLR with who thought it would be useful for me to become accomplished at taking directives from dominant woman who I was probably never meet. My on-line Domina and I discussed whether to become more open in the relationship but ultimately decided against it. There seemed to be quite a few privacy issues at both ends (friends and family primarily) and so we never did take it any further than emails. I'm still not sure it was the correct decision, it would have been wonderful to take it to another level ... however, we lived with the decision. I'm as certain as I possibly can be in the circumstances that she was who she said she was. I regard it as one of the important relationships in my life. We mutually agreed about a year ago that we'd taken it about as far as we could within the restrictions that we'd placed on ourselves. She checks in once in a while with news and to ask how I am. It is always up to her, she has directed me never to make first contact and I have accepted the ground rules. We had a mutual interest in FLRs and the necessity for Female Leadership in general. She was always most encouraging of the FLR I was involved in and even 'talked' me through several down periods, helping me understand the necessity sometimes for a woman to be served by more than one man. I have her to thank for that. As a result of her teaching I became supportive and understanding of my Lady's need for a long-term lover. It intrigues me how profound an on-line relationship can be. Before I experienced it for myself I would never have believed it, although, in certain circumstances, I can see how it might be in everybody's interest to provide some mutual verification.
it's a very good question. And as a consequence the conflict between privacy and proving identity is massive. It relies on both parties offering trust. That is a very big step Imo.
I would certainly be wanting verification before going on to meet anyone in the flesh. I think it depends a lot on what you're seeking. In some cases I've been getting along famously online with someone and the next thing I know I've been completely put off by their physical appearance. If you're just chatting and exchanging experiences then sometimes I believe its better to remain as two souls on the ether without fear of any physical distractions. Free of earthly clutter and trappings.
I know there are loads of people online who are not who or what they say they are. That is fine I am happy to chat I have no need for verification. What I was talking about is people in an online relationship D/s or keyholder/lockie. I don't think it would be a problem if the details like age, height weight etc. I would at the minimum would need verification they were female before locking for them. The idea I could be locking for and fantasising over a keyholder and it turned out they were male. Has this happened to anyone on here?
When I was much younger I tried an online Mistress only to find out it was a guy many months later. I felt embarrassed and used. U sent him pictures of my cock and wore a butt plug for him. Never did that again. After that I would find a girl who was sexually adventurous and slowly introduce her to my fetishes. I had to deal with the rejections but there is always someone willing out there if you look hard and long enough. I found submitting online to be a totally different experience than doing it in person. Probably because I like the woman to do the things to me rather than to be told to do them. If she wants me to wear a butt plug, she puts it in. After that I just went out and found girlfriends and slowly introduced them into my fetishes. Some were more willing than others. In past talks with online keyholders they said that the problem was that the guys in chastity wanted them to keep them in chastity their way and not the way of the Mistress. I can understand that but it makes the Mistress feel like the sub is in charge and just using her to tell him what he already wants to do, so it never lasts long. I was kind of like that myself.
Definitely an interesting question. Quite often you can tell from the phrasing or the repeated fantasy . However @Lucy and I went out to lunch and then went shopping in some very interesting shops ! Xx Wendy
I agree with Wendy. There are quite often some 'tells' (to use some Poker parlance), people begin to give clues - perhaps unintentionally, perhaps subconsciously - as to who they actually are over time. Reading between the lines can often reveal hidden information as well. Fortunately the information I received in my on-line relationship was all positive. I found it a wonderful experience.
The more I read this thread and think about it the more questions I want to ask. How many females would provide proof they are female when key holding was involved?
Unless one is absolutely certain about an online friend, I wouldn't advise sending any facial pictures or any details about their whereabouts. I have had to move house before now. There are so many strange people that use the internet.
I would not advise that either I think most people would not dream of asking you divulge details like that. There are ways to verify a person sex without giving any sensitive information.
@Wendygirl we had a blast it was really great. Must do it again soon Hugs Lucy x Ps @lockit a very good thread!
@Wendygirl we had a blast it was really great. Must do it again soon Hugs Lucy x Ps @lockit a very good thread!
I agree with what others have written in response to this thread. All relationships have to be based on trust, including online ones. I can only speak from limited experience, but in my case it was about how the early online conversations played out, the regular posting by the KH of photos online, and that there was plenty of positive evidence online from other subs/slaves (a few of whom I had brief messages with in the first few weeks to confirm they more than happy with their status). Remember that trust works both ways and a potential KH doesn't know the person contacting them either. It takes time to get to know someone. But I think taking steps like not revealing any personal details is an obviously sensible approach.