toping from the bottom.

Discussion in 'Female led relationships' started by bobbi, Aug 9, 2008.

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  1. bobbi
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    bobbi Junior Member

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    I had a chat with a freind recently and she asked me if i toped from the bottom,i told her i did'nt but then i got thinking about it and maybe i do without realising i'm doing it,as i understand it toping from the bottom means when the sub trys to control the dom,if anyone can explain this more to me please do,well anyway i talked about this with my Mistress and she said that i did try to tell HER how i should be controled and and dominated then she let me know just what she thought about me trying to top!she was not happy shall we say,but it is a good thing becouse she shouted,we talked,disscused then she talked and i listened and agreed,it cleared the air and we are much closer,as a new couple to the lifestyle we are learning from our[my]mistakes but the main thing is we are learning and loving the journey,if anyone has had a similar experience i would value you advise and opinions.
     
  2. PuppyMastersPet
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    It should be a subject I know a lot about, I used to do it all the time. Saying that it can be hard to describe what topping from the bottom actually is.

    For me topping from the bottom meant trying to control the scene or dictating what scenes we should be doing. Often I would hint that I wanted play and then get in a huff when I didn’t get any, or if we did play then I would criticize and suggest things that we could be doing.

    The turning point for me was actually logging onto this site and realizing what I was doing after reading other posts and diaries. I must admit looking back I was quite selfish.
    I learned that in order for me to submit I had to take a back seat and do as I was told for a change.

    Taking a back seat doesn’t mean that you can’t have any input into what happens. But instead of dictating you can make suggestions prior to any play. I have been able to discus with Master what I enjoy and how I enjoy it but if I get what I want is a different matter entirely.

    It's all about good comunication.
     
  3. sissysophie
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    sissysophie Member

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    I agree with Kris & Bobbi

    It is very easy to top from the bottom with our meaning to, but then there are times also when you will mean to but could not be regarded to be.

    One recently comes to mind where I sat up on the edge of a picnic table rather suggestively, wanting to be taken. Mistress got the message and pounded me.

    Topping from the bottom is really dictating how you'd like your Mistress or Master to behave and treat you. You become the driver who sets the time and place for a scene to be acted out. It should be the Mistress/Master doing this, but sometimes us sub's might feel that we need to give them a little push in the the direction.

    I now tell my Mistress the things I'd like and let her act on them in her own good time. I will be a little suggestive in actions thought, but as I say above this is not really being dictator, but rather seducing
     
  4. bobbi
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    bobbi Junior Member

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    #

    Thank you,good advise,i will talk with my Mistress about fantasies but let my Mistress set the time to act on these.
     
  5. Mistress Watchful
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    Mistress Watchful Dont believe the hype ;oP

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    bobbi, diaries and journals are good for this, because you can express your feelings to no-one in particular (or everyone on the internet!) and your Mistress can pick it up, make her own notes and then put them into play when she wants to.

    As for my definition of topping from the bottom, to me it's when pet alerts me to his needs and wants them seen to *now*, rather than expressing something he would like to try in the future.
     
  6. ladylionzsissy
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    ladylionzsissy male chastity sissymaid

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    something about this thread made me wonder a bit about the interactions in these relationships... forgive me if i'm not too cleary understood (and i frequently am!)

    who sets the dynamics in a KH-male chastity relationship? is it reasonable that the KH provide the stimulus needed to continue and strengthen the relationship as it develops, in exchange for whatever the advantages to the KH are? if that's wrong, what would motivate the chastized one to remain so?

    i'd be interested in any insight!
     
  7. bcc
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    bcc Wanna-be

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    I am trying to persuade my partner to be my keyholder and go together with me into chastity - isn't that "topping from the bottom? He's reluctant - says that chastity is "weird". I don't like this T-F-B - this is something that I don't do often, and don't do well - and don't like doing in the first place - to motivate my partner in the significant elements of our sexual relationship in particular. My partner usually insists on calling those shots, setting those expectations and establishing the "scene" in the bedroom - I'm very happy with that. Trying to motivate him to start with chastity with me feels out of place to me - I think that it's me topping from the bottom, and it doesn't work very well for either of us when I do it.

    Grrr... Am I confused? How do I persuade a reluctant partner to be a keyholder without T-F-B? If he's uninterested, I can try to make chastity sound as erotic as I can, and try to tell him what he gets out of it - in my mind, that still feels like I'm T-F-B...
     
  8. PuppyMastersPet
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    You can’t make some one become interested in something but you can make it seem more appealing to them. If you keep pushing and pushing it can become even more unattractive. I found that occasional suggestion and a little research can help.

    One of the best things you can do is reiterate the benefits for you’re partner, such as increased sex drive and extra reassurance that you can never cheat. Even if you are unlikely to ever to cheat it can still act as an extra level of reassurance.

    Don’t give up but don’t push to hard. It sounds like you already have a d/s and relationship so it’s not as if you’re partner is completely closed to fetishes and play.

    I remember when I first showed Master a chastity device it was the CB 2000, the design completely put him off but a few months later, after some conversation and stumbling across the CB3000 he came round. He preferred the shape of the 3000 and said it was less scary looking. Ironically after our first CB3000 broke we ended up buying a 2000.
     
  9. PT109
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    PT109 Senior Member

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    When a sub communicates with his Mistress he is baring his soul to her. He lays out his weaknesses (from society's point of view being submissive, masochistic or feminine for a man is a weakness) and gives her the keys to his personality and the mental equipment to enslave him. These thoughts and ideas he imparts to her are the holy grail of his sexual fulfillment. A wise Mistress will listen carefully and use what she learns to condition her sub and gradually mold him to achieve her own ends. Her success will be celebrated by both of the partners. She will gradually correct his flaws, his lack of patience, his selfishness and achieve her goals whether they are psychological, sexual, financial, social or all of the above.
    Maybe the term "Topping from the bottom" is best reserved for the limited interplay between a professional Top and a demanding bottom while they are maneuvering to determine whether or not they are compatible for the brief and expensive interludes they are involved in.
     
  10. jennifer3d
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    jennifer3d Junior Member

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    Very nice observations, PT. I have always been worried about my topping from the bottom; imagining that my desires to be a sissy or a cuckold for instance, and expressing those desires constitutes topping from the bottom - something I would not want to do.
     
  11. bcc
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    bcc Wanna-be

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    Hi Kris, PT -

    When I told my partner that I was Very interested in chastity, I knew I was baring a part of my inner self that he had never seen before. So, I haven't pushed too hard - we have had three conversations about chastity and my motivations since sometime in August. I won't push my partner into chastity with me if he is opposed, but I do hope to open his eyes to something he may never had thought about before. I trust him to eventually do what he thinks is best for the two of us.

    My concern here is that I am really T-F-B regarding chastity, and he bristles when I do that, but I don't know another way to pitch my needs here, so I am going it "slow and easy". Like most Doms, he doesn't like to be "topped". And like most bottoms, I am not a good "topper". I think that T-B-F makes for some serious conflict in a D/s relationship - even one with soft edges...
     
  12. PuppyMastersPet
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    TFB shouldn’t be confused with communication. It’s always good to communicate you’re wants and desires. Communication becomes TFB when you start to get pushy. It’s all about striking up the right balance.

    You sound like a good submissive so I wouldn’t worry too much. If you become afraid to discuses you’re desires and fantasies then you may start to resent you’re submission.
     
  13. bcc
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    bcc Wanna-be

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    I think that Mistress Watchful is spot on here - when the conversation with one's dominant partner goes from "I would like..." to "I want right now.", the line has been crossed, and you mr. submissive are TFB.

    Thanks for that insight Mistress!

    I have not crossed that line, and we seem to be moving forward toward chastity so slowly. I guess I am just going to have to be patient.
     
  14. Goddess of Discord
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    Goddess of Discord Obsidian's property

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    if it weren't for TFB, most men i know wouldn't have any idea of how to please their lovers.

    i have spent half my love-life with my eyes closed fantasizing scenarios while the man fumbled around. a few well-placed moans to indicate pleasure and encourage them to continue on their present course, in theory, should do the trick, however; for the most part, subtlety can be lost on these poor creatures. especially when they fancy themselves the 'decision maker' in other dynamics of the relatoinship. a careful balance must be established where-in both the sub and the dom experience pleasure during lovemaking, otherwise, boredom and apathy ensue.

    i'm beginning to think i need to draw charts and diagrams and invent catchy slogans to educate my lover on satisfying me in bed.
     
  15. chastityslavejohn
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    chastityslavejohn Mistress Irianna's pet

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    Mistress tells me i am always topping from the bottom. i am getting better but i still slip, especially now in my CB3000 since i was begging Her for release this morning.

    Mistress knows how to stop my topping...She punishes me either with orgasm denial or a session with Her toys...crops, flogs, whips, paddles. this morning She told me if i begged for release again She would keep me locked until my birthday, on 11/14. you can bet i stopped my begging really fast.

    who is the judge of when i am topping? Mistress of course.

    i have written several short stories. Mistress like me to read them to Her on my knees at Her feet in my leather thong, collar and restraints. i convey my desires through my stories without exactly asking Mistress for something.

    if you think about it, topping ruins everything. who wants to know what's coming next? besides, nothing is hotter than Mistress doing something unexpected that stretches my limits. over time i am finding that i don't really have any limits.
     
  16. Goddess of Discord
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    Goddess of Discord Obsidian's property

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    hmmmm...scartch those charts and diagrams...no catchy slogan is needed, either.

    lover reigns Supreme!!!

    he impressed me so much last night, i ended up writing him a love note of the non-erotic sort...all Hallmark with puppies and kittens and the like (okay, not puppies and kittens....but it was a very, "words cannot convey how much you are appreciated for the sacrifices you make daily" note!)
     
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