Therapy for a recovering sex addict.

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  1. subbutstillaman
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    subbutstillaman Senior Member

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    I have wanted to blog for years, wondered about writing a story or whether i should just shut up. Seeing pets blog this morning i felt a bit of a coward not having the bottle to blog so i thought lets do it.

    I am going to be open and honest with the disclaimer that my mood changes daily i may swear if your offended by this i apologise but i am speaking from my mind and i swear a lot in my head so fuck it.

    Authority and authority figures.

    Fucking hate them detest them see them as weak minded little wankers, am i the one who takes the opposite view to piss these people off yes, do i like to take authority do i fuck so why do i like to be dominated by a woman? This is my biggest issue in my head and one i cannot get rid off.

    I would say i am a character proud of my roots with a gift of the gab and no shyness (in person) whatsoever. Am i drop dead gorgeous no, does that bother me NO why because it has never stopped me bedding women of all shapes and sizes races and varying degree of looks my confidence comes from knowing i have something about me and knowing that i have never not brought a woman to orgasm. What i am saying is i dont give a fuck about this. (even though my rant sounds different).

    Am i nervous around men, a big No my accent and large build normally causes issues as some people are intimidated by me and im very streetwise thus allowing me to mentally draw a picture of a line in the sand a man should not cross with me. Bullys, hate them full stop no matter what form they take.

    So what impression am i trying to give, I am not just saying what i think.

    So why being dominated by a female and a younger one at that (freaks me out her being younger), well she got inside my head and past the wall i put up, she worked out that i can easilly be a begging dog at her feet. Would i ever cheat on my wife NO (not without permission Lol) but do i think about bedding other women yes i do every day, why dont i, well i get opportunitys but i never want to lose my wife. Am i an addict yes in many ways i smoke cannabis (and bollox to anyone who tells me to give up i will when i am ready, thankyou) but i hate alcholol (i have a terrible temper not a good combination as it can make me violent), but my biggest addication is domination the thing i have only truly got from one woman in my life (i have slept with hundreds of women and not come close).

    Yes i have got women to dress up in PVC and leather yes i have done threesomes with two women (never been into men) but it never meant anything, seeing my wife dressed up it means something it really does.

    Am i happy when i am submissive? fuck yes, i am so calm reasoned and at peace with myself i concentrate on everthing except my own sexual pleasure do i love that yes i do. When i am 'vanilla' i feel moody angry depressed and rejected i fucking hate it.

    Am i selfish as a person, yes i am but i dont mean to be its just my make-up and i need to be told straight at times. Would i get the hump if people point this out to me Yes i would, would that be right NO it wouldnt so i have decided i will not take anything personally on this blog i promise honest:angel:

    Is this all a confused rant, yes. I did think long and hard and discussed with my wife before starting this she pointed out MW and pets post and said it doesnt have to be about sex its about normal life as well.

    So is my life normal, i fucking hope not how conformist and crass, i love being a rebel.

    So where do i go from here, well i am going to confess warts and all on here i have decided and use it as my outlet.

    Am i chastised right now NO why? because i am feeling very grr and would run a mile from it (hope MV doesnt read this bit) would i put it on i suppose i would have to, would i be happy secretly yes maybe. But the problem is the intense sexual high which stops me from functioning eating sleeping thinking of anything but sex.

    Is this the way chastity should work, i dont think it is but this is what it does to me its like a massive foreplay session that doesnt stop especially if mv invokes my foot fetish (yes i have one big time). I also think MV is not up for anything sexual at the moment i understand why so me being chastised around her is not good for her right now it just makes me too hyper.

    Reading the last paragraph i know i am coming across as selfish but our situation is difficult to explain externally believe it or not. So what am i thinking about now, a lesbian in pvc with my wife and a strap-on fucking random but great thought.

    Someone help me out and give me an idea of what to blog next.
     
  2. PT109
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    PT109 Senior Member

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    I just made a long and brilliant comment about your post subbutstillaman. Unfortunately I hit the wrong key by mistake and it hurdled into cyberspace with a speed approaching that of light. Now I am too exhausted to continue. I did enjoy your post but have one suggestion for the future: focus more on one or two issues (I realize your post was a sort of introduction and so fairly broad in scope). You gave us a lot to think about.
     
  3. Mistress Watchful
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    Mistress Watchful Dont believe the hype ;oP

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    Sounds like my blog! :happy0007:

    I'm glad you decided to join us. You know how it goes... just blog what you want! Expect no comments, and don't take anything too personally and everyone will be happy bunnies! :party0002:
     
  4. subbutstillaman
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    subbutstillaman Senior Member

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    Right I shall call this update KEEPING A LID ON IT

    So after writing the jumble last night i sat down and was feeling a bit chilled out. So anyway MV is a bit stressed due to exams and bad PMT so like a muppet there i am winding her up, fucking bad move!!!!

    So after she tried to walk away from the argument that i shall codename Hiroshima (apologies to Japanese visitors but its an apt name so bollox), i then threw a really shit comment at her "go on throw something at the TV" FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

    Next thing i know she has emptied a fucking bottle of coke everywhere over me and the laptops proper lost it scary shit!!! (dont fuck with women on PMT serious chaps, chocolate and flowers is my advice).

    So there i am covered in head to toe in coke horny as fuck, and to make it even worse she run in the shower room to calm down and i couldnt get the coke of my body its was horribly fucking sticky.

    So there i am i run towards the bathroom and then stub my toe getting in the bath, i then shower down and realise i have no shower gel i lean over to get the soap and bang i slip a little and bang my head (karma).

    So then i thought fuck it ill show her and ignored her and went and listened to the radio in bed. One problem i was hornier than i have been for ages (dont ask why) so i was stuck between going mad or calming down and speaking.

    My penis won the day and i left it a few hours we had a great chat and then she sticks her toes in my mouth and gives me the amazing five knuckled shuffle ever (masturbation for our american cousins, Wank for us brits). So after trying to be a 90's man and staying awake after i come naturally i fall straight to sleep (she was not up for me making her come).

    So i wake up this morning in a fairly good mood and get ready for my two hour commute latte in hand and the thought of a certain club being bottom of the Football (soccer) league buoying my spirts.

    After a fairly normal day at work i then jump on the train with a friend and begin to waffle (talk) crap. Then i look up and recognise a woman from before who seems to have a fetish for letting blokes view up her skirt.

    Well i looked over and she had stockings on she is slightly large but quite classy with it (or so i thought) so she knows i am looking and i can see the glint in her eyes at this stage i was thinking should i blog this fuck im dead but bollox i said i would be honest.

    So anyway the knicker flasher then pulls her skirt up slightly to reveal the funniest fucking thing ever she must of borrowed her knickers from her fucking gran im not joking these were full on hello mummy period knickers from the 1800's!!!

    I then turn to my mate and thats it im gone im almost on the floor laughing crying from my eyes my mate starts laughing and thats it. I can safely so no chastisement would ever be needed on me after seeing them FFS

    Lesson for flirty vanilla women DONT WEAR YOUR GRANS KNICKERS ITS NOT NICE!!

    Me and MV had a long chat and i agreed its time for me to be set back into the path of chastisement although shes not on form tonight so i wont push it.

    So what did i think about today, well lesbians in pvc and my wife (notice a recurring theme here!), oh and i thought telling MV that coming from my g-spot makes my equipment dead for two days after. So when shes feeling more alive ill admit this to her (hello babe if your reading this:animal0008:) and buy that attachment for our hitachi massager. Dont know about others but i actually have an orgasm from my bum as good as ejaculation believe it or not and if im chastised it rubs on my gspot all day and sends me mad and begging at her feet.

    So here i am blogging shit smoking my joint waiting for MV to come back to life and get me between her legs............

    In the meanwhile i think ill imagine Dr Brennan from bones in pvc between my wifes legs with me and my dog collar and lead on licking my wifes other hole sticking my tongue inside being her bitch as she calls it!!! Fuck yes!!!

    Right blog over for today its time for me to get my bible and repent my sins.
     
  5. Mistress Watchful
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    Mistress Watchful Dont believe the hype ;oP

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    :happy0195: You're so funny!

    And yes, stay away from us at that critial time of the month. It is uncontrollable, we don't mean it, but it just hits us... I swear to Goddess I go utterly schizophrenic... it's not ME, it's someone else! So don't take it personally!

    *Mental note... coke...*

    And as for granny knickers, :sign0094: How can someone be so sexually aware and not have a clue in the lingerie department. Bizzare!

    Have a good day.
     
  6. MasterG63
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    MasterG63 Senior Member

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    Now that is a REALLY horny image!

    MMmmmm! Thank you for sharing that one! :happy0011::kissass:
     
  7. subbutstillaman
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    subbutstillaman Senior Member

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    Im in the raving hump over a football decision so sulking tonight.
     
  8. mistress_v
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    mistress_v Member

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    Thats the understatment of the day:confused0086:
     
  9. subbutstillaman
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    subbutstillaman Senior Member

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    Still in the hump in serious need of therapy. Why does football bother me so much FFS.

    MW i must confess i chatted with my mate tonight about the victorian knickers and why would she wear them etc etc- his comment 'she only likes to flirt but wears the knickers so she doesnt go all the way' honestly FFS how did that answer help so still pondering your comment forgeting about analysing it with any friends.

    Well its a crap day trains all screwed very late home and one hour before bed and getting up again, saw my friend and arranged to play call of duty 3 on xbox like on friday where ill shall get to the top of the board and shout at my mate for playing like a numpty. Pet i think we need to get online and shoot some germans!!!

    Not feeling very horny at the moment at all just blurrr only way i can describe it think im going through my male period. So horny thoughts today not really had any, G63 i would never call another man master so dont take offence by me using G63 but thanks for the comment.

    The one thing that is bugging me is whether granny knickers was just an innocent person crossing her legs or not ??? the scary thing is would i dare give her some chat and the eye to test the theory now that is a harsh decision to make wonder if MV will give me a pass to satisfy my curiousity its doing my nut in now.

    So sitting here hoping tomorrow livens me up i just hope no one tops themselves on the trains tomorrow as harsh as this sounds it just ruins everyones day but then maybe that is the point (dark subject not going there).

    Hmm just thought about sex at last thinking about the Pussycat doll in her PVC gear sat on my face whilst my wife rides my cock oh yes im back!!!!!

    But Carol Vorderman now theres an enigma she is marmite love or hate her, now i reckon she would make a top dom !! intelligent likes a bit of leather and i reckon a viewing of the posts on this site (rather than the shit ad ridden slow loading jank elsewhere) would soon convince her to go over to the dark side !

    SO other women i think would be top doms (and who i fucking fancy like mad)

    1. Demi Moore (had my first wank to her and still love her)
    2. Helena Bonham Carter (she makes me cry in Lady Jane and would bring out my protective side)
    3. Helen Mirren (come on boys and girls who wouldnt that swimsuit fuck yes)
    4. Shelly from Coronation Street (loved her in those leather trousers i would let her sit on my face all night long yesss babyyy)
    5. Anne Boleyn (the greatest dom of all time who truly knew how to control a man)
    6. Amanda Donohoe (that kiss in LA Law and love her in leathers)
    7. Davina McCall (if i have to explain this then the readers need shooting and therapy FFS)
    8. Jill Halfpenny (that accent and arse and hair oh yes)
    9. Dawn French (verbal humilation big time)
    10. Angellina Jolie (fuck yes do i really need to explain this).

    Writing this has been most therapeutic what what what, i dont care if its not rated commented on or read its fucking therapy.
     
  10. Mistress Watchful
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    Mistress Watchful Dont believe the hype ;oP

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    COD3 is the shit one.... we don't even own it, which is saying something!

    We're into Battlefield and Burnout Paradise (again... cos now there's motorbikes and day and night cycles!)
     
  11. subbutstillaman
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    subbutstillaman Senior Member

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    Well im going to buy COD5 lets see how that one is!
     
  12. subbutstillaman
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    subbutstillaman Senior Member

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    Well i had not intention of blogging tonight but fuck it i have now consumed one of jamaicas finest and yess baby life is good.

    Well me and MV have had a long chat and its ended up with a mutual desicion to go sex shopping satruday morning.

    My mind is in pervert overdrive thinking about what to get, i might even get her to decide:animal0017: to lock me up as soon as im home tomorrow and go into the shop locked up.

    I fucking love sex shopping especially in Soho being a londoner i know the proper shops not the font door tourist traps and Ann Summers shops. But my local shops are ok had some really good things and a whole wardrobe of leather dom stuff for MV out of there, you have to say her tits are fucking sweet in leather check her pic. So anyway im thinking wtf can i get to shock her one of the best things we ever bought from there was this amazingly fucking long large and thick (unlike any cock trust me on that) strap on that went over my cock (which isnt bad BTW) and vibrates on me fun we have had with that.

    So what can i get to shock her, or maybe secretly im wondering if we can get a remote control mini ball or something that can go into my Cb6000 fuck yes her buzzing me to attention whilst i lick all down her back from the tip of her neck all down her spine, lower down onto the nub of her anus then reminding her what im doing sticking my tongue deep into her arse holding it open FUCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKK YYYEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSs and i know the filthy dity little selfish bitch will demand more god im so fucking horny she is gonna fucking get orgasmed even if i have to fucking go locked up dom and tie her up so she cannot move at all.

    I love domming her when im locked up (yes i can be more dom locked up!) i love the clarity of mind it gives me to push her to the limit.

    I have always been told i have a sexy voice and i use it telling her all the time what a filthy bitch in bed she is and how i worship every part of her body. I think in one sex session the most orgasms i have ever given her is 20 (there were 5 suspect little ones though) so this saturday im going to beat that record.

    Im going to beg her to dress in her pvc for me and tie back her hair and get some lip gloss on, she knows my stamina god help her i have a lot of frustration to get rid off a fucking lot!!!!!

    MV has asked me to calm down discussing certain personal things that are fucking horny and fuck yes i would love to say, but i do understand and shall refrain from this.

    You know this blogging lark is very soothing i could talk bollocks on here all night. Its a shame all the viewers dont post on the main board and start subjects its actually quite good fun and you dont get judged try it i say.

    Big shout out to all me homies with Luther Vandross playing loud from a car with disco lights:character0117:
     
  13. Mistress Watchful
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    Mistress Watchful Dont believe the hype ;oP

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    :animal0017:

    Before you get beaten up they are NOT disco lights... the term is UFO. Sounds a bit more interesting than disco lights, but it's ok... it's your age!

    Glad to see the two of you are happy to switch. I think as long as both partners are happy to be switching then it can work. I will admit though, I can't wait to get back to being on the right side of the whip! :sex020:
     
  14. subbutstillaman
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    subbutstillaman Senior Member

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    LOL i dont think she would let me switch.

    PS. LOL im not that old!!!!!!
     
  15. Mistress Watchful
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    Mistress Watchful Dont believe the hype ;oP

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    Lol... ok, for my own peace of mind... what are you? Dom or sub?
     
  16. subbutstillaman
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    subbutstillaman Senior Member

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    Honestly i would say 80% Sub 19% Dom 1% Vanilla.
     
  17. subbutstillaman
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    subbutstillaman Senior Member

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    Well here i am, im locked in my cb-6000 horny as fuck looking at MV with black and red pvc basque and matching thongs. She has just come a number of times and my face fingers tongue and lips still taste of her.

    As im sitting here now im feeling worn out with a massive jawache making my predicatment worse by fantasising and watching youporn. Mind you im lucky we went out earlier so im getting away with my online perving because she is into crash bandicoot LOL.

    So feeling quite mellow and happy in love with the world again being a pervert and thoroughly enjoying it.

    I so love being her bitch.
     
  18. subbutstillaman
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    subbutstillaman Senior Member

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    Well it seems the tide has turned and i am now a begging sex crazed dog under her power again.

    It seems that MV had been waiting for the right time to steam in and get me into line and it seems to have tipped tmy dom sub scales in her favour. Following on from my last post sunday night turned into a tease and torture night with me locked up and MV doing her party trick to bring me of multiple times without cumming (making me orgasm using a pressure point under my balls which is easy or her to do when im chastised) she also turned very evil although she was holding back using the term 'you really dont want me to im feeling very evil now' i wonder what she was thinking.

    So MV is in a very good mood as it looks like she is getting a new car (VW beetle cabriolet in speedblue metalic), although she is having her usual panic about everything associated with it, although she did mention driving me out in it unlocking me and rewarding me for my niceness at the moment.

    So here i am working from home waiting for a new mobile to turn up and MW to come on line so i can whack her a link for a second (girlie) opinion on the car. I must say one thing that is wierd is myself and MV finding loads of things simular with our relationships as Pet and MW i loved pets posts about 'not saying told you so' I pissed myself laughing because i think that all the time im even smiling writing about it now. I dont know but i find it almost voyueristic to peer into the lives of others but i do feel guilty commenting to blogs as i do kinda feel that its personal and WTF has my opinion got to do with anything.

    So here i am working from home waiting for her new mobile to turn up chilling out awaiting the stress and nervousness later when she goes for her test drive god give me strength at these times.

    Oh there is one thing i have to mention, i suffer from dyslexia but when im rambling i hate admitting defeat and doing spellchecks so if my posts are riddled with errors and punctuation problems then i do apologise its not lack of effort on my part. I never normally admit my dyslexia as i feel it gives an impression of an uneducated fool (i passed pottery with flying colours BTW). The worse thing for me in the world is having to go into a shop and fill out forms whenever i do i get so scared its untrue MV always steps in for me bless her and i just sign the dotted line.

    Ill probably do an update later.
     
  19. subbutstillaman
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    subbutstillaman Senior Member

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    Well its Sunday morning and I'm sitting here watching MV eat her boiled egg and soldiers with the TV on the background.

    But yesterday what a day! we got out fairly late hit the local town centre ended up buying up the Bobbi Brown make up counter then it all started.

    We hit the sex shops on the drive home, the first one we went in was OK but a bit too open plan and you felt the assistants eyes on you, didn't bother me too much but i could tell with MV it bothered her. We then went to the next shop directly next door, whereas the owner knows us and is always friendly and has a joke with us.

    So anyway we had a walk around for about an hour settling on a pump up butt plug, a device which goes around the penis and has buzzers for your woman's clit and bum, a latex wanking glove (awesome BTW), very good lubricant and sex toy cleaner and a rubber doll (don't ask me ask MV about that!), and the coup de grace herbal Viagra 2 x 300mg tablets.

    So anyway we get home and we were getting over some personal issues so the atmosphere was a bit frosty, eventually we started talking daring each other to take the tablet first. After some careful thought and discussion MV wanted to have me locked up with the penis toy attached. So i lubed up put my CB6000 on with the cage going over the buzzing toy, unfortunately we couldn't work it on to my balls so we dropped that idea took it off my cock and re-attached the chastity device.

    By the this stage i could tell MV was getting the horn so i thought 'fuck it' and dropped the herbal Viagra tablet (i did this with the penis toy attached but took it off very shortly after before i had any effect) BIG MISTAKE BIG BIG BIG MISTAKE OMG FFS. So then me and MV had a discussion about me ripping her jeans of and getting down between her legs but i was still being grumpy and held out for a while.

    After a while we decided to put some porn on so i found the appropriate porn model (Sarah Blake [postscript: MV doesn't like her anymore after reading her website]) and starting winding each other up for a good couple of hours (i love an S-video connection god bless the inventor), so MV suddenly just explodes like proper fuckin gets like proper aggressive, and gets me upstairs.

    I then get an evil thought and start to go down on her teasing her mercilessly whilst i use one of our purchased toys and drive her insane all the time bringing her to the edge of orgasm again and again stopping as soon as she was on the brink i love the magic wand nothing like having a toy plugged in to the mains and having perfect control and a large head. After a while not orgasming she took an enforced break and come back in the bedroom whereas i set upon her and under instruction tied her hands to the bed using our bondage straps (luckily these were already in position), i then used various toys and my mouth to being her to some earth shattering orgasms eventually ending up with her ejaculating.

    She then took a break come back and with me still chastised and under the effects of the Viagra type pill she then licked my all over teased my chastised cock and balls making me kiss her feet. We then had a discussion and i took the lets go and chill route and went and rolled a joint still chastised and more horny than i have ever been i could still taste her all over my lips which in turn was making my cock strain even more and torturing me.

    I then proceeded to put loads of Lesbian porn on (yes i am obsessed i take it on the chin) and watched PVC clad women mauling each other whilst i was winding myself up worse all the time MV was mentally fucking with my head commenting and generally being a fucking teasing bitch (yes i loved it).

    At about half twelve she took pity on me took me upstairs teased me by making me have a g-spot orgasm on her magic wand vibrator kissing her feet and toes.

    She then passed me one of our purchases (poppers i forgot to mention) and that just fucking blew me to the point of desperation i could of cried to be let out then. She took mercy let me out whereas i hoped on for a bit then got a bit dom which she soon stopped, i then laid back whilst she masturbated me with the glove until i had this most intense fuck i need to sleep now shit what a mess i have made i have blown my volcano amazing orgasm.

    So here i am today still horny from the tablet praying MV will lock me up or put me in the strap on and dog collar i don't know what it is but more than ever i don't need to go grrrr i know being like that will ruin a great weekend.

    One thing i have wondered is as i am a grower (my cock is soo weird its so tiny and grows and thickens to quite a good size) what would be the best chastity belt for me that i could sleep in also any ideas (thinking of the more permanent types i have seen).

    Anyway the egg and soldiers were perfect i got told a few minutes ago!!
     
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