Starting my Journey

Discussion in 'Journals and blogs' started by wishful4, Apr 7, 2010.

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  1. wishful4
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    wishful4 Member

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    I've been posting a few times since my intro, so thought I'd get started with my journal. My experience started last Fall, so I'll try to catchup without being too lengthly. My spouse/KH and I are fiftyish and live a fairly normal lifestyle, I guess. We are openminded and willing to try different things in the sexual arena. During the last year, she & I have noticed that our sex life has been on the decline. She wondered if it was her, but I knew it was my fault. I travel a lot for work, and masturbate way too much when I'm away from home. So much so that, sometimes, I have been unable to perform with her at home. This worried both of us, but I still didn't talk honestly to her about it. I came upon the idea of a CD while surfing online and decide that, maybe this would help with my problem, and also spice up our sex life a bit. However, I did everything wrong in introducing her to the idea. First, I ordered a CB 6000 online without telling her. She discovered it when it was delivered, so I was busted and had to come clean. I spilled my guts about masturbating too much and everything. She was curious about the device and we experimented with it a few times but it took quite a few weeks to find the right ring/spacer combination for me. Then the Holiday period rolled around and things kind of came to a halt. While reading online I found out about "Chastity, A Keyholder's Guide", and decide to order it, again, without telling her. We already had some toys and a vibrator/massager, which we play with on occasion. To cut to the chase, seems every time I sprung a new purchase on her, it irritated her that much worse. Not necessarily the purchase, but the not telling her what I was doing. However, she read the book and other articles I gave her. When we did have a talk about it, she said he would be my KH, but this would be on her terms & her timetable. She was still uncomfortable going out in public with me wearing the CD and the possibility that friends and family would discover it. What would have been the right way to do it? I think I should have included her in on the idea of chastity from the start, consulted her on the CD purchase, and surfed the web together to learn more about the lifestyle. Why do us males aways screw things up? Bottom line is that she has agreed to be my KH, and is interested in exploring this lifestyle, despite all my screwups. This is a testament to what a great lady she is and how much she loves me. I am a very lucky man. I'll close this post before I put everyone to sleep. I'll post again soon about my first locked up period.
     
  2. Smaug
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    Smaug Member

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    Welcome to the wonderful world of chastity and female domination. As your wife already said it would be on her terms it sounds like she has already started to embrace this lifestyle. Don't worry to much about her hesitation, as a matter of fact, once she discovers the benefits you might be sorry you asked for this, lol. I suggest you get the book called Around her Finger, or A New Brides Guide to Training Her Husband, both by Ken and Emily Addison. You can check those out on Around Her Finger.Com. Very vanilla in the presentation, probably the best for people new to Female Led Relationships. I hope you enjoy your new adventures.
     
  3. wishful4
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    wishful4 Member

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    Thanks, Smaug, for your suggestion. My KH and I will check out these books together online. If she wishes, I will order one for her. She is showing more dominant behavior of late on daily non-sexual stuff. I plan to be patient (extremely hard for me) and let her develop at her own pace. These things seldom go the way we plan, so who knows what the outcome will be. I need to digress in my next journal entry and describe my first extended lockup to bring it up to date.
     
  4. Sissyfrills
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    Sissyfrills Junior Member

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    I do not think you have done wrong, what about if you had consulted your wife & she said "No"

    Now it would of been a tad deceitful to go behind her back & make the purchases.

    You followed your feelings took a gamble & it looks like it could pay dividends for both of you, i personally do not feel there is a right or wrong way to introduce a partner into an alternative lifestyle, so long as you are not pushing them forcefully & adding any unwelcome pressures. I believe your decision to purchase first then explain later was based on how you felt it best to approach your wife without upsetting her, either way your wife would have probably been a little shocked but the outcome is more important for your relationship, so good luck to you both on your journey.

    Loved the read, very well presented & look forward to future posts.

    Sissyfrills x
     
  5. Celtic Queen
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    Celtic Queen Senior Member

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    Hi Wishful4, welcome to the forum

    It does take time to come round to the idea of why on earth your husband would want to voluntarily lock his penis away so giving her time and space to research and get her head round it is absolutely the right thing to do. I'd suggest she explore this forum and read all the threads written by couples going through exactly the same thing and some of the happy outcomes posted here. It might normalise the journey slightly for her because it can seem very daunting and isolating to come to terms with the changes.

    Good luck on your journey!
     
  6. wishful4
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    wishful4 Member

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    Thanks Celtic Queen and Sissyfrills. I am trying to look at things from her point of view, but in some cases I'm just not smart enough or not wired to do that. The best I can do is be patient and take my cues from her. Think the hardest part is convincing her that this lifestyle is not way out there and that it will be good for our relationship. Very good advice for her to explore this forum. I hope she is doing that as I am away from home at present. Sent her an email last evening telling her of the "around her finger" website. She said this am, I see you were being bad and up late on the computer last night. I replied that I was thinking about her. Hopefully, we are taking small steps in the right direction and I don't want to overload her with information, websites, etc. Because of my blundering, I am well ahead of her in the discovery process and I must allow her to catchup at her own pace. In time, I hope she will join and post on this forum.
     
  7. Celtic Queen
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    Celtic Queen Senior Member

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    It's not at all unusual for the first reaction to be one of fear of the unknown but in my view, that's just our Western culture and modern day thinking driving that fear. Celtic and Viking societies ( and many others) were absolutely matriarchal in nature and animist religions of the past just didn't think the way that we do today about men holding the power and women being chattel. I've blogged on this site about this- perhaps if your wife read a non threatening female point of view it might make her feel a little less overwhelmed?

    There's also a lot of information out there on female led societies that would be a lot more "accessible" to a newcomer. If she "gets" this as a concept,it's my view that male chastity follows naturally.
     
  8. wishful4
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    Celtic Queen, I think your statement is exactly right, for that was her first reaction to some aspects of this lifestyle. Hopefully, as she gains knowledge and understanding, this fear will subside. She is very openminded sexually and I think this helps also. Reading this forum will be the most help of all.
     
  9. wishful4
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    My First Extended Lockup

    Wanted to bring my journal up to the present by continuing my story. Over the holidays I ordered the 6000S cage only as it seems to fit me better and is less obtrusive under clothing. Shortly after the new year started, my KH directed that I be locked up. When I inquired as to a release date, she said that would be up to her. The first couple of days consisted of getting used to the device, developing a cleaning routine, and losing a night or two of sleep. By the third day, I had gotten used to wearing it, but it was starting to work on my mind. The constant feeling of the CD, I thought of nothing but her. By the fourth day, I started to erect just from holding hands with her. She was constantly teasing, touching, kissing, and driving me nuts. On that evening, she decided it was time for me to service her. I thought that meant a release for sex, but that was not to be the case. She demanded oral service for quite a while, then directed that I use a dildo & vibrator to bring her to orgasm over and over again. The feelings of frustration and tension was unbelieveable, but I loved seeing her climax over and over. The 5th day, she wanted to try milking, having read about it in an article I gave her. It was enjoyable for me, but only served to raise my level of frustration to the point I thought my whole body would simply explode. After it was over all I could do was lay beside her with her arms around me. Never have I felt anything like that. Not the act, just the feelings!! Day 6 was spent in reality running errands and doing chores. She was getting more comfortable with me being in public while locked up. On day 7, we again made love as on day 4. She then asked if I would like a release. Of course, I said yes! In the shower she started to stroke me. As I neared climax she would stop. Finally, she said I had a choice, I could lock back up and wait two more days or climax but my next lockup would be for two weeks. I was so excited, I wanted to climax so I accepted the two week lockup. So, that's where we are today. Due to the reality of demands, and my travel for work, the next lockup hasn't started yet. I sort of dread it, but in other ways I can't wait. This lifestyle is addictive. I will post when my next lockup starts. In the meantime, my KH is reading and exploring about chastity and the FLR.
     
  10. geordie1960
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    geordie1960 Junior Member

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    Newbie

    Thanks for the posts.

    Mistress has decided i am to be locked and has ordered a device, posts like yours are a great help to us newbies-keep up the good work!
     
  11. wishful4
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    Rant About Life

    I just need to go off subject and vent a little bit!! How do we let ourselves get so overwhelmed with day to day lives. I'm trying to go from full time to parttime work and stop traveling. My KH & I are building a small retirement home. Our grown kids are always needing something. We are to the point of making "to do" lists so as we run here and there picking out things and doing stuff, we don't forget something. Well, we HAVE forgot something. It's us, our relationship, and our health. How did we let ourselves get so wound up. For the last 4 days prior to my leaving for out of town work, we got in the car early AM and returned home late PM. Then we fall into bed exhausted, with play being the farthest thing from each of our minds. We both know this has got to stop, but how do you stop it once it starts. This pace of life seems to feed on itself. One action seems to start two reactions that have to be addressed. I know it's our fault, we let this happen and we've got to stop it. I just hope we can. I really think our lives dependi on it. All my new friends out there, please forgive me for ranting, but it was badly needed!!!
     
  12. Celtic Queen
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    Celtic Queen Senior Member

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    I understand exactly how you feel, life really does get in the way and the central thing in your life - your relationship - suffers. That's as true in the vanilla world as it is with any couple. Hub is in chastity until a fixed date next month. Instead of just releasing him for a bit, we are going to have a nice overnight stay somewhere in a pretty hotel, just the two of us and do a bit of old fashioned romance away from the minutae of everyday life. Sometimes it takes a bit of planning - especially with kids but it re engerises you, your relationship and life generally if you just step off the roundabout if only for a weekend. All the activity and bustle is worth little if you lose sight of what you are actually doing it all for! I'm sure EVERYTHING can be put on hold, if only for a night or two.
     
  13. premeet01245
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    Good u r looking nice
     
  14. wishful4
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    It has been almost 2 months since my last posting, so here's an update so I won't get so far behind. I stopped traveling for work the end of April and pretty much work from home now. Since my spouse/KH is home also, we are together pretty much 24/7. This may not suit most couples but we have spent most of our married life apart for at least half the month due to my work so being home with her each day is quite a novelty and I am enjoying it. On the chastity front, I have been emailing her articles on chastity and FLRs. I also signed her up for Sarah Jameson's male chastity series. She has really enjoyed reading these and looks forward to getting the next email from Sarah. These articles really seemed to have struck a cord with her. She regularly discusses them with me and asks my feelings.

    I had expected to be locked up as soon as I stopped traveling by air, but that wasn't to be the case. Since we are involved in building a small house and have been on the go most days since my job change, she informed me that I would be on the honor system to refrain from masturbating until she allowed a release. She did not want the hassle of dealing with a chastity device with us on the go so much. I agreed to her request. She kept an eye on me quite well, even in the shower. I joked that she was keeping me chaste without the CB 6000S. However, I got carried away in the shower a couple of weeks into it and had a release. Afterwards, I said nothing. It happened again a week later. Shortly afterwards, she sat me down and asked if I had cheated. I couldn't even look her in the eye. She asked how many times and I told her the truth and asked how she knew. She said she could tell by my attitude and actions towards her.

    I knew she was upset with me. There was silence between us for the next hour then she said that, obviously, the honor system won't work for me. She directed me to go and lock up immediately, then come back. I installed my CB 6000S and returned to her side on the sofa. She said you will remain locked for six weeks and marked the day on the calender. I replied that I had not worn the device since Feb-Mar and may need an adjustment period to get used to it again. She said to do whatever I needed to do, but it was not coming off. Luckily, I took plenty of time last year and early this year to get the ring and spacers sizing right and it has been an easy adjustment to wear it again. A couple of sleepless night getting used to it, but I now pretty much don't notice it too much.

    We made love today and she had many orgasms using the vibrator and our toys. I, of course, did not get a release, but enjoyed her pleasure. However, I had to rest for awhile afterwards due to the discomfort of attempted erections lasting a long time. Her locking me up is for the best, I think. But it is going to be a rough 6 weeks. The longest period I have ever worn it is 7 days continuously. I am crazy with lust for her after only a few days. I thought maybe she would feel sorry and release me as she has done in the past, but I don't think that's going to happen this time.
     
  15. wishful4
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    Just a quick update. My keyholder decided to release me after several days due to relatives visiting. We also wanted to see if my cleaning routine was working. Though I had been diligently cleaning once, and sometimes twice a day with soap & Q-tips followed by a high pressure shower nozzle, an unpleasant odor was still present after removing the device following my shower. With the hot weather and moderate activity during the day, I think the cage will have to briefly be removed for a thorough cleaning of my cock & the cage every 2-3 days, then immediately reinstalled. This will be somewhat of a pain, but will be necessary for the summer season. At present, I am unlocked and on the "honor" system. I told my KH last night that I have just about reached my limit on the honor system, and probably should be relocked or allowed release. Not topping from the bottom, just being honest. No response or decision from her yet. Lately, we have been busy from daylight to dark building a house. We are preparing to move into it in a couple of weeks, so I think she intends to leave me unlocked until after the move. At present, we don't talk about chastity that much, but she reads Sarah Jameson's emails(thank you, Sarah). After the move, my hope is that we will get some time to relax. My hope for the future is that she will explore the mansion website.
     
  16. wishful4
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    It's been awhile since I posted. So, I better go ahead and end this journey for now cause it has abrupted ended for the time being. We completed our move into the hew house during the hottest time of the Summer and just about wore ourselves out. We are still moving things about and hanging pictures. By the end of the day we seem to both be exhausted. We've only had sex in our new home once in the month or so we've been here. Pretty sad state of affairs. My CB-6000S has been in the closet since we moved and hasn't been mentioned. She still reads the emails from Sarah Jameson so I am still hopeful that her interest in chastity will resume at some point. I am kind of in a delimma as to what to do. I'll admit I have quit doing all the things I had been doing to help around the house hoping she would recognize my behavior has changed thus connecting the good behavior with being locked up. So far she has not. However, I feel guilty and also miss lavishing her with attention as I was doing, but feel that if I resume, there will be no incentive for her to reconsider chastity. As all of you may have surmised, we don't openly talk about chastity much. That is alot of the problem. Bye for now, but I will chime in when I feel my advice will be of help to others.
     
  17. wishful4
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    On my last post, I said my journey has ended. I was in error. My spouse/KH has managed to keep me chaste now without a device for almost four weeks. I can't believe it. Told her this morning that I couldn't believe that I had not managed to sneak a wank in at some point, but I haven't. I got close a time or two, but sort of felt like I was cheating. Don't know what everyone else thinks, but being chaste without the aid of a device without giving in is very difficult. My KH said this morning that I would continue to be horny. She has said that use of the chastity device in this hot, sultry weather is problematic, at best. She is concerned that working outside in the heat & humidity will cause health concerns. I suspect she will employ it again as cooler weather sets in, if it ever does. I think the device causes me to be much more attentive to her and think of her more, thus adding more intimacy to our relationship.
     
  18. wishful4
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    Finally, some cool weather has arrived and it is wonderful. This has been a sweltering Summer for almost everyone in the USA. We are both feeling better and finally had some intimacy last evening. My spouse said she has missed our lovemaking and the orgasms. I tried to redouble my efforts to give her many Os with the vibrator/massager. She brought me to the edge many times, but said no cumming. She asked if I had wanked during the last month to which I replied, truthfully, no. I still can't believe it. A whole month on the honor system. She said that, tomorrow we will look at the calender for a possible release date, but she does not like my attitude and lack of attentiveness after cumming and is inclined to keep me chaste until possibly the Thanksgiving holiday. I do not think this is possible on the honor system, but who knows. I suspect my chastity device will be needed.
     
  19. wishful4
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    Finally was granted a release a couple of days ago. It was a most intense climax after being chaste for over six weeks! My KH was pleased in that I remained chaste for her. I told her it would be easier for me if she used my CB6000s and she would not wonder if I had cheated. However, I don't know if/when she will lock me up.
    My KH made sure I satisfied her first as it should be. Not sure how long this next period will be. She briefly mentioned a short period followed by a very long period. I really wish there was something I could do to encourage her to use the CD. It keeps me frustrated and as horny as a 15yr old and I love it. Any ideas for getting her to use it without appearing to be topping from the bottom?


    [​IMG]
     
  20. Smaug
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    Beg her NOT to use it on you.
     
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