Hello all, I am new to this forum, thanks for accepting me. Sorry for a long introduction, please don't read if you have anything better to do, lol. Our journey into chastity: My wife and I am are about 30, and have been married for 6y+. Our marriage rocks, (trust, communication, friendship, values, sharing responsibilities, etc.). Our only real challenge has been in a large libido disparity. I would say my wife has a healthy sex drive, but my sex drive has always been much higher and more consistent. She would probably be happy with sex about 1-4 times a month (or perhaps less, depending on work load etc. I would love to have sex 3-7 days/w. For me the urge for release comes second to the emotional side of sex. I feel like intercourse is her way of saying "I love you" in a way that makes every cell in my body know she is being genuine, and for me to express my deepest love for her. Nevertheless, frequency was an issue right from the start. We would make compromises, but we would still struggle to make both of us happy. She would feel bad for rejecting me and I would feel bad for bothering her about sex. Years went by. We would communicate, argue and feel bad (me for being too sexual and her for not meeting me needs). For me the worst thing was feeling like my sexuality was a burden to her. The paradox was depressing: I felt like sex was supposed to be the ultimate declaration of love, but then it turned out to make her feel like she was not being enough for me, not giving me the affection I needed, while I felt that I was being pathetic and needy. The first year of our marrige, I would not masturbate because I thought it was more intimate to give her all of my sexuality. But the next 3-4 years I would gradually masturbate more and more, and initiating sex less and less. Since I felt like my sexuality was a burden for her, I felt that masturbating would lighten the burden. The concequence was that I gave her very little physical affection (also non-sexual affection), and I was often withdrawn and depressed, which made me even more inclined to masturbate. The cycle became strong and vicious. Even though masturbation satisfied my urge for release, I was not satisfied emotionally. And neither was she. I got a wake up call when my wife admitted she wanted more sex and wanted me to take the initiative. At the same time I opened up to her about my masturbation-habbits and how I saw it affecting the romantic/sexual side of our relationship. Months went by, and we continued the conversation. But I also continued my habbits of masturbation, often while fantazising about quiting masturbation and comitting my sexuality to her alone. Finally, for about 17 months ago, I gathered enough confidence to ask her: "Would you control my sexuality and orgasms? It would be a great honour for me, and I think it would make me really happy." At this point we had talked so much about my masturbation habbits and even male chastity that my blunt question came as no shock to her. She hesitated, however, as she was afraid it would be too much of a responsibility. "What if we order a device and lock me up for 1 or 2 days. If we both like it, we extend it to a week," I suggested. "Then we take it from there." "That doesn't sound like an awful lot", she replied. "It think we should give it a try." I was overcome with emotion and hugged her hard and long and thanked her several times. I think that was the first time she got a glimpse of how much this ment to me. We have now been practicing male chastity for about 17 months, with a few breaks along the way. We are both getting more and more dedicated. A couple of months ago we agreed to practice chastity for the rest of the year without any break. We are both quite vanilla, but male chastity has greatly improved our marriage. How so? First of all, chastity makes the libido disparity somewhat of a sexy game rather than a threat to the relationship. Second of all, for me the biggest problem used to be the feeling that my sexuality was a burden. I am happy to say, today my higher libido seems like a very positive force in our marriage. Two years ago, me being horny and her not wanting sex would make both of us feel guilty. Now me being horny is a source of intimacy in itself. She will often say things like, "you are sooo cuuute when you are horny!", or she will chuckle warmly if I am visibly desperate for release. Sometimes it feels like she it the most happy about male chastity when I am crazy horny, and she sometimes say that if/when she gets more confident she will make me to go a long time between releases, just because it is so lovely to have sex in the weekends with me being crazy horny without being allowed to cum.Third, intimacy is better than ever, and to be honest that matters much more to me than frequent release; and finally, my wife think MC is lots of fun and I think it is crazy hot. I am so grateful that she has warmed up to the chastity lifestyle. She has also started to enjoy a little domination in our everyday life. For example she has decided that we read fantacy litterature together (her favorite). I am not into fantacy litteratue myself but absolutely love it in the context of chastity, and I encourage her to dominate me to the degree and in the way she wants. When I ask her, she says she don't want to go back, an she wants to live the male chastity-lifestyle together for as long as we live. She also says that she wants to be more confident and dominant, but it doesn't come naturally to her. With time (and encouragement) I hope she feels free to be as dominant as would like. I am so gratefull!! I think i would be very hot to commit to being chaste for her forever, without any way out. (As I said before, we have had a couple of breaks the last year, and every time it was on my request, never hers!). But it is really scary too. I would never have thought that I would be the one holding us back! On the one hand, I feel that not commiting at least as much as her, is cowardly and ungrateful, as this is deep down what I want. But on the other hand, I guess it is okay for me to need a little time as well..?
@Proud to be chaste Welcome and hope you enjoy your stay here. MC as a lifestyle is a great way to control a masturbation habit that can be destructive to a relationship. It also is a great way to level out libidos that are out of sync. Finally, it will tend to help solidify your wife’s dominate and your submissive roles in your marriage. All really good reasons to adopt this lifestyle. You’ll find a lot of food for thought here for both you and your wife. Enjoy and participate.
Welcome. We have used MC as a means for her to control when and how sexual intimacy occurs so there was no pressure from me. It has worked and is evolving to allow her to be dominant and I am becoming more and more submissive. She has grown tremendously and continues to expand her dominance over me that has opened many new experiences for us both. Best of luck on your journey.
As a masturbating husband myself, I see a lot of commonality with your story. Congratulations on coming out to your wife about your needs and taking steps to improve your marital intimacy. Serve her, let her see real improvements in her chaste husband.
Thanks! Nice to hear that others here can relate. I work on myself everyday, and I think she really sees and appreciate the improvements.
I have a very similar situation with my wife. Of course it took about two years of baby steps to get to where we are now. You are very lucky to have a wife that agreed so easily. Serve her well.
Welcome! I could have written a lot of this, especially about the libido differences and masturbation habits. It's been 4.5 years for us and we're still going strong with chastity. She's really grown to like how I treat her when locked up for longer periods of time. She occasionally shows fits of dominance, but most of the time she still wants me to "initiate" sexual activities ... during she will choose whether she wants to unlock me or not. It's a way to get the best of both worlds, I think. At least for right now. Anyway, enjoy it!
Wow Proud to be Chaste, great introduction. Without quoting the vast majority of your intro a lot of that could have been us. Especially the Libido mismatch and the feeling of guilt on both of our sides. I stopped initiating a lot because I didn't want to pester her and I didn't want to get turned down. We have an amazing marriage and are perfect for each other. Just our libido is off which is super common. One difference for us is I have always been Kinky, there is very few kink/fetish I don't want to try with her. And NONE that involve anyone other than us 2! But I love bondage and always have. I enjoy chastity, cross dressing, would like to try various role plays, pegging, serious FLR, sissy maid, latex or other shiny skin tight stuff and anything restrictive or makes me change how I move or walk etc. She is very vanilla and will sometimes do some bondage or small things for me it is out of guilt and not because she enjoys it in the least. She has accepted chastity off and on, never super long term or all that often. Again she does it mostly for me. I do think that she has gotten some enjoyment out of it. Me giving her orgasm with mouth, fingers, or her glass dildo, and not feeling like she has to let me orgasm. She unlocks me sometimes after her O and often times not. I think at first she thought chastity was locking her out, like I didn't want to have sex with her. But she now understands it a little more. She is always able to unlock me and use me at any time (even though sometimes struggle because I want to be denied longer, but I also want sex) to ride me and feel my dick in her. SHE is in control of if/when I get to have the sex I want. I am always excited to be allowed to have sex/orgasm in her. I don't feel as bad initiating because if she is not in the mood it is easier to say no thanks if she is just thinking about her Labido and not worried about mine. She can just come to me when she is ready and knows I will be happy to have sex and I rise to the occasion quickly. I still have some guilt, shame, or just plain hide my other fetish/kinks because I don't want to pester her too often with it. She has come a long way with chastity and the times I am locked up it works for us. I do with she would initiate the lockup more. Usually it is me asking for it. And I travel a lot for work so I often have to unlock for TSA and it is up to me to lock back up when I get to the hotel etc. I wish she would want to be sure I am locked back up and send me texts asking etc. Sorry to steal your post, I just really connected with 95% of what you said. How awesome we are together as a pair, the guilt feelings and how that hindered me initiating sex etc.
No, not at all, thanks for sharing! I appreciate it and find it interesting that so many here can relate. But also interesting to read about the differences. But I must admit, since starting this journey I have somewhat extended my scope of kinky interests (like pegging). For us, chastity seems to work best when: 1) I set her needs first (genuinely, not just as a mean to get sexual attention from her!), and tries to find ways to make her smile. 2) She teases me and gives me lot's of sexual attention (simply to show her love for me, not because she has to or not even for reward). 3) I regularly express my gratefulness for her practicing chastity with me, teasing me, having sex with me, etc. 4) I work constantly on exploring my submissive side (again focusing on her), including difficult things like thanking her sincerely for not letting me orgasm when we have sex, be happy and show gratitude if she decides I will not orgasm for a long time, etc. I cannot say this things come natural to me, but I have learned a lot since we started, and I am getting better all the time. She likes to dominante me a little (in a everyday get-what-I-want-way, not in a kinky way), but only if I show her that I am happy with it, otherwise she quickly looses confidence. I am happy that your wife agrees to practicing chastity with you. I totally understand the fear of "pestering" her about your kinks, and I hope you in time will find a way that works for both of you. Perhaps you have to give up some of your fantasies, and rather nurish the ones she likes? Maybe you even will find that the reality will be even better (I have for sure altered many fantasies of mine since we started!). Or perhaps you have to open even more up to her about what you want, and hopefully she slowly and gradually warms up to more of your kinks? Perhaps a little bit of both? Anyways, thanks again for sharing. Wish you all the best!
@Proud to be chaste There’s no doubt that number 4 is the most difficult. Sincerely thanking her for not allowing you an orgasm during sex or an edging session goes against everything you want at that moment. The inner strength and discipline it takes at that moment in time is unbelievable and a true testament to your desire to serve at your wife’s pleasure. Well done!