Hi everyone. I'm new to chastity and being a keyholder. I would love some advice about balancing being a keyholder while being a parent. Looking for advice about acknowledging my husband's chastity, but not just sexually. Thank you!
Chastity should fit in with being a parent very easily. Don't think for a second that this has to be 24/7 on your part. In fact if you are a parent feeling sexual can be something that he finds very easy but you struggle with. My Wife's priorities are always our kids even now, and that is with both either in their 20's or very close to them. So from now on he no longer has a say in any sexual activity. If you are anything like my Wife then you may find you start to relax and demand his attention much more than before. Oh, and welcome! I wish I could get my Wife to join.
Thanks! My biggest hang up is learning to be dominant when I was generally submissive. We talked a lot about this and I'm really wanting to get into it more than just the teasing. Everything I've read seems more like the subs perspective on what they expect.
My Wife had the same issue. The thing is You can be the type of keyholder You want to be. You will naturally have to be strong. The one piece of advice I can give if he ever begs, and I mean ever, to be released, say no. If he carries on tell him m he will remain locked up an extra day, or week or whatever you decide before he is released. I take it he asked for this? Remind him of that. Nobody says You have to be mean, in fact you can be as nice as you want. Just don't let him have an orgasm.
Welcome @MTC'skeyholder you will get the answers you need very soon, there are many keyholders/mistresses posting regularly on the Mansion.
Not understanding the question. Unless you keep him naked shouldn't be a esue kids family or friends won't know he wears a lock art of his woredrobe. Just think the way you word things like pull your key out and play with it they way woman play with there necklace and ask him nicely if he could wash the dishes. Or what ever esle no one the wiser but he will understand
You will find generally that it is always the subs thoughts that you see first as there are many more subs than there are Mistresses or Keyholders. Every couple has different expectations and the key is working out how to manage them. Although I have to say that one of the biggest bonuses I have found is that snuggling and kissing can be done so much more. Ladies you all know those times when you really wanted to snuggle but knew he would think his luck was in and it just wasn't worth the effort. Now you no longer have that if he is in chastity, now you can snuggle all you want and it only leads to something if you want it to. It's easier to become dominant over time if you start enjoying the control first. Feel free to message me if I can help any further x
The question was basically kids require a lot of attention and care so how do I keep from feeling overwhelmed? I don't want this to feel like a chore. I want it to be fun for me as well.
Life with kids can be overwhelming in itself. From my time in this world I would suggest that the biggest things that any chaste male appreciates are acknowledgment of his chastity and care of the key. If you can with a text, a smile or a little pat on the device, let him know every so often that you remember he is locked, that is a great place to start without a huge change to life as you know it. Keep the key somewhere special, on a necklace or bracelet so he can see you play with it and smile. Then of course when you get some couple time, it's all about your pleasure and his denial. There is so much more but only you and he will know what is possible in your lifestyle - I do hope you enjoy.
@Mistress Jules I am ashamed to say that my Wife has said exactly what you just advised. There were times when all She wanted was a cuddle but didn't ask for one as the risk of me wanting to go further wasn't something She wanted. And there were times I did sulk when She refused to have sex with me after a cuddle got a bit steamy. The fact that She can now ask for a cuddle, a neck rub, a foot massage or even let me stroke her intimately, knowing that there is no need to worry bout it going further than she wants has really let her relax. Chastity for me means we are now far more intimate than at any point in our long relationship, on her terms and the weird thing is after a few months of a very bumpy ride for me I have come to accept this. I see her smile at me so much more than before. How could I deny her that?
You can find ways to have him help you with the chores and kids. Wouldn't be nice to have a nice soak while he and the kids are at the park, or sit down to a nice meal he prepared. We share everything. He cooks, I do the dishes, I dust and do the restroom cleaning, he vacuums, he does the laundry, I fold and put away. Helping you allows more time for you and him. Get him some g-string underwear to sleep in to help with cage weight, and you get to admire the view. It is not always about sex, it is becoming a team together so you both have time and feel like playing with each other. Have him give you a neck rub, footrub, what ever you like. For teasing, it can be as simple as giving him a kiss on his penis while he is caged. Little things can make a difference, we are members of locks.club and I can assign him chores, have him give me orgasms or whatever for points. He can then request to redeem his points for things he would like. I always have the option to deny. I don't think I am mean, but very loving since I am giving him what he wants and at the same time getting what I want.
Welcome @MTC'skeyholder ! It is always nice to see more ladies on here. There have been some great replies so far about how to acknowledge his chastity without making it all about sex. I agree completely with @Mistress Jules on the little ways to acknowledge the device. My personal favorite is to pat, or gently tug on the cage at pretty much any and all (reasonable) opportunities. I wear the key on a necklace for all to see, not that pretty much any knows what the key is too. But, I love playing with the key, or any necklace charm really, and so that is a great way to remind my husband that I have the key. @Chat408 's suggestions of ways to channel his submissive desires are great. I cant claim I'm quite as good at channeling those of my husband quite yet. At least not in non-sexual directions. But we're getting there. As a side note, I know that for some turning the husband into a maid is hugely successful, but that isnt for everyone. Personally I'd love more domestic service, but he hasnt quite mastered seeing the tasks without explicit instructions.... Fortunately there are few (boarding on no) absolute rules in male chastity! And the learning is fun. As is teasing! Teasing is my favorite part!! Along the parent line, how old are you kids? Sons or daughters? I am not a parent myself (despite efforts to be) but would imagine that little kids climbing all over daddy might be more likely to notice something than older kids.
Our youngest is almost 2 but luckily for dad he's not about climbing on people. He's independent and doesn't like sitting on people's laps or anything he won't sit still for that. Recently found out we're expecting again with our last. It definitely makes it easier and harder. Easier because the hormones make it that much more fun. Harder because morning sickness, extreme fatigue and things. Good luck on becoming a mommy!
Congratulations on expecting again. That is the perfect reason to let him spoil you. Relax and enjoy his attentions, and keep the conversations on chastity flowing. My Darling loves to talk about chastity and give me ideas of things he would like to try.... My follow thru may not be on his timeline but on my terms.
IMO Two things. 1. Use a device which can if needed be worn 24/7/365 -- e.g. MatureMetal, so you can just leave him be while you concentrate on children and other needfuls. 2. Use your control to get him to do as much of the domestics, including re the children, as possible.
There is a lot of great advice here. Every couple is a bit different and will do chastity a bit different too. If I may give you a quote I learned long ago from a B/D & S/M manual. "TO CONTROL THE MAN, YOU MUST CONTROL HIS ORGASM. " And as I'm sure you know, this is done through chastity with you as the Key Holder. You decide when & how he will orgasm, NOT him. By orgasm denial, his attitude will definitely change. A stainless steel chastity cage is best for 24/7 wear. Just one more small piece of advice. Never unlock him unless you are watching/supervising his actions. Most men can achieve orgasm in under 1-2 minutes by masturbation! Good luck!
Welcome @MTCsKeyholder , to CM! As always, Mistress Jules' advice is straight to the point and incredibly accurate! The only thing that I would add is the necessity for frequent and open communication between you and your hubby! (That should be made somewhat easier when he's caged and not always thinking only of his "needs"!) With a 2 year old and one "in the oven", he surely will need to pick up the slack and contribute more. I'm sure that, deep down, he has to understand that and it should not be too difficult for you to lead him in that direction. In fact, just doing what's now naturally necessary may, in fact, be the beginnings of your control over him and, as that continues, your more dominant side will emerge! Good luck and congratulations on your new baby!
Welcome! Although I introduced it to my wife, I often found myself conflicted by the sexual frustration and would constantly top from the bottom. I'm also not very good with taking orders from women, I'm not very submissive, but I have the desire to be. This, combined with the fat that my wife is not sexually dominant led to a recent breakdown between us, I think it was just too much too soon for her and she was only doing it to appease me. If this is going to work, you need to learn how to genuinely enjoy it. It shouldn't be a chore at all, simply remember to tease him verbally or physically a few times a day, make him pleasure you orally whenever you're in the mood, and grant him a release every few weeks or so depending on how well behaved he is. You can also incorporate punishment like spankings in addition to delaying his release of you choose to do so. It's really easy, no pressure because it's all up to you. Also, make him do chores around the house. The absolute most important thing you absolutely must do is to never ever give in to his request for release and in fact punish him by increasing his length of time in chastity for even mentioning it. If you're not firm about keeping him locked, no matter how upset he gets, then it will fail. If he gets upset, that's okay, stand firm and he'll eventually cave in. In time, he'll become less and less resistant and you'll be treating you like his sexual Goddess. I was lucky enough to meet a woman online, who's become a good friend to me and offered to manage my chastity and subservience training. She is extremely strict with me and honestly, if not for her firm enforcement of my chastity, I would have gone right back to being my old chauvinistic, disrespectful self, masturbating daily to images of other women behind my wife's back.
Welcome @MTC'skeyholder . I think you have already recieved some good advice. My wife struggled with the very same questions you have. I dont really have any answers for you but just to say from my perspective if you can devote even 5 or 10 minutes every evening to putting a smile on his face he will reward you ten fold. It doesnt take much to please a guy in chastity. A short playful tease. A quick fondle of his device. Some provacitive text messages. These little things and acknowledgements will go a long way in his mind
Jules has given excellent advice as have others. @MTC'skeyholder you know your subbie far better than anyone else and no doubt know all his little quirks. With children around, the harder it becomes to insist on certain things but just remember he is caged and needs the occasional reminder that you haven't forgotten him. . Dominance gets easier the longer you do it.