Need help to introduce girlfriend to D/s

Discussion in 'Female led relationships' started by slavemaid, Sep 25, 2009.

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  1. slavemaid
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    slavemaid Junior Member

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    Hi All,

    Firstly I would like to thank everybody for their informative posts. I have been following many discussions on this forum with great interest.

    I am a 30 year old male and have pretty much always been interested in the topic of chastity and BDSM. I am now in a relationship with my girlfriend for a little over 3 years and have been trying to warm her up to the idea of D/s but so far without much success.

    I have mentioned the homepage of Elise Sutton to her in the hope of kindling her dominant side but she never really paid any attention to the site.

    We have occasionally incorporated a bit of kinky play in our lovemaking such as tying me to bed but it always seems to me that she only plays along to please me without getting anything out herself (which of course is not the point).

    I think what would help us would be for her to read erotic stories that incorporate some light D/s to ease her in a bit.

    I have already done extensive searches on the web and found a great variety of stories dealing with all aspects of BDSM but fear that most of those stories are too explicit and would scare her away from the subject.

    So my question to the community is if you could please help me to find erotic stories, preferably stories that evolve around the subject of a woman starting to lovingly dominate her husband/boyfriend and discovering the benefits such a lifestyle can bring.

    Thank you very much in advance.
     
  2. eclipse
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    eclipse Junior Member

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    I don't think that any story, or fiction in general, would help you.
    The key is: Be open. Tell her about your fantasies and needs. Tell her what really kinks you, when you meet a woman with certain attributes. And, most important: tell her, what characteristics on her you like most in terms of erotic triggers.
     
  3. Mistress Watchful
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    Mistress Watchful Dont believe the hype ;oP

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    I think Elise Sutton is quite advanced and scary!

    It is a really difficult one because you feel like you have all this "stuff" inside you that you "have" to tell her. Remember, everything that you are thinking has been in your head for a long, long time, and you've had time to get used to it! If you blurt it all out in one go, you are going to overwhelm her!

    Which aspects of D/s are you more interested in, and which have you already tried with her?

    I don't want to go spouting off about chastity and spanking, if you are much more into sissification and bondage!

    I think each area can be approached differently, and less overwhelmingly, than a book or story or movie that has a little bit of everything!

    If you can entice her into one area, and she likes it, she will probably research further areas on her own.

    Give us a little more info and we'll see how we can help!

    ETA: Sorry, you did ask specifically for stories! Try looking for Ms Constance Pennington Smythe. She is a member here and has a beautiful way of writing which, I think, helps women to understand the D/s dynamics
     
  4. richard
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    richard Just me

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    Try Lucy Fairbourne's book: The Chastity Keyholder.

    This is very easy and not scary at all.

    I agree Elise Sutton is very scary. She lives the dream and it's a big dream of total domination.
     
  5. chastityslavejohn
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    chastityslavejohn Mistress Irianna's pet

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    slavemaid, guys have absolutely no idea how a Woman's mind works. listen to what Mistress Watchful and other Women have to say.
     
  6. ALLORNOWT
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    ALLORNOWT Senior Member

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    so true mate what works for one will totally freak another..........take very small steps and most important of all LISTEN:fish:
     
  7. TCFun
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    TCFun Member

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    Without comment on the merits of stories, the following website has 1,000's of stories from mild and romantic to hard core. Browse around and see what you enjoy and maybe share with her?

    http://www.bdsmlibrary.com/stories/
     
  8. TCFun
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    TCFun Member

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    Did you mean the book 'Male Chastity: A Guide for Keyholders?

    This is a great book but is informational and not a story. Although I agree it is a good start for a new Domme as it conveys why a man enjoys chastity and what other humiliations and teases a man enjoys. It's not expensive and you can get it through amazon.
     
  9. qntal
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    qntal Junior Member

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    I think that Elise Sutton is right when she advices to be submissive to your wife, like doing household chores for her en be loving and give her the full attention that she needs. She is bound to make a remark about that and then you have something to start the conversation with. Tell her the pro's and tell her that this can be a new way for the relation to advance.

    Don't start talking about S&M things because you will scare her off. Just make sure she gets something positive out of it.
     
  10. slavemaid
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    slavemaid Junior Member

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    Thank you all for taking the time to reply to my post!

    Eclipse:
    I am a bit afraid of following your advice because this will lead me down the road of an all or nothing strategy. Although I do agree that being honest and upfront about it would be the correct thing to do.

    Part of the problem with talking about my fantasies with my girlfriend is that my fantasies can be quite extreme, ranging from being a permanently chaste sissy maid on hormones to heavy bondage and CP. These fantasies are mostly "pre orgasm". Once I am “past orgasm” I do very much cherish our vanilla lifestyle, at least until the next built up.

    My point is that I realize that those fantasies are just that. Having never really been in a D/s relationship I don’t really know how far I would really like to take the lifestyle.
    On the other hand however, vanilla sex does very little for me and when we are intimate my thoughts are always focusing on my fantasies.

    Mistress Watchful:
    I am grateful that you provided me with a female perspective. I would have to agree that blurting everything out at once would overwhelm her.

    So far we really haven’t tried much at all. We did go to a fetish store together to buy her a sexy latex outfit, high heels and a whip but we have never really progressed past the stage of her tying me to the bed and teasing me. She hasn’t worn her outfit in over a year however because she doesn’t really like it. When we are sitting in front of the TV I am giving her foot rubs now almost daily which she enjoys. But I don’t thing she associates those foot rubs with anything sexual yet, let alone anything femdom related.

    As far as areas of interest go for me, as I mentioned above, I would certainly be keen to try out almost every aspect of BDSM with her. I guess the question is; how can I find out which area she is most likely interested in and then try to guide her into that direction.

    Thank you very much for suggesting Ms Constance Pennington Smythe to me. I will have a close look at her web site.

    Richard:
    Thank you very much for your suggestion but I am not sure I can move straight into a chastity theme without easing her bit into D/s first.

    Chastityslavejohn:
    You are probably right. I sometimes wonder if the subject of BDSM comes natural to most women at all. Which also makes we wonder why it seems second nature to a lot of men without encouragement.

    ALLORNOWT:
    I guess there will never be a universal recipe to turn a woman from vanilla to dom over night. Unfortunately, at the moment, when I am listening, all I am hearing is reluctance.

    TCFun:
    Thank you very much for your suggestion. I have already searched that site before but have yet to find the perfect story for my needs. There a loads of stories on there that start innocently enough but before you know it the woman in the story is getting out the strap-on.
     
  11. slavemaid
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    slavemaid Junior Member

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    qntal:
    I have actually already tried doing just that, doing most of the chores around the house, especially the cleaning related ones, but all that this has gotten me was that she now things that I like cleaning.
    :sign0095:
     
  12. ladylionzsissy
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    ladylionzsissy male chastity sissymaid

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    that's really a great outcome slavemaid, something to build on in your relationship with your G/F. i can imagine your telling Her just how much you really enjoy it, and how you'd love to do other things for Her!
     
  13. madamsboy
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    madamsboy Looking for a special female

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    my advice is to find out if she likes pictures or stories more. whichever she prefers, send her some basic ones that interest you. Ease into it slowly and you may have some success. Communication is vitally important as well.
    It worked/ is working for me.
     
  14. sandman9355
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    sandman9355 Junior Member

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    OK, my bit of advice:

    Sit down and think, and try to sort out your thoughts and desires and fantasies. Make sure you have a good idea about what your kinks actually are. Know what you *need*, what you'd merely like, what is nothing but fantasy you'd dislike in reality...

    Try to find among your desires some things you think your GF could like. Sensual massages? Lots of oral sex? Cowgirl position? Something else? Something you'd happilly provide that smacks of BDSM?

    Bite the bullet and talk to her. You don't have to admit to everything, and for gods' sake don't freak her out, but let her know you have some kinky fantasies and you'd love to find out which ones *she* would enjoy. Tell her she's a wonderfull lover already and that you just want to make your sex life even beter. And does she have any unfulfilled fantasies of her own? Is there anything you could do to improve *her* fun? Ask.

    I don't think stories are the way to go, not even the good ones. You don't want to make her feel inadequate, comparing her to fantasy dominas. You want to make her feel *wanted*, desirable, appreciated, confident.

    And be patient and learn to enjoy even small steps towards your goals. You don't have to rush, do you?
     
  15. Mistress Watchful
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    Mistress Watchful Dont believe the hype ;oP

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    I found this today whilst looking for something else...

    http://mrsclaudia.blogspot.com/2007/03/how-to-approach-your-wife-about-ds.html

    It might be helpful. The whole blog seems to have a lot of good advice, she seems to have started where I did, although it appears her partner met with a Pro-Domme first.... NEVER a good idea in a relationship.

    I hope you find it of some use. :chores016:
     
  16. chastityslavejohn
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    chastityslavejohn Mistress Irianna's pet

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    now there's a great, well written article!
     
  17. sophia
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    sophia Senior Member

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  18. ALLORNOWT
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    ALLORNOWT Senior Member

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    sophia i too found this article ages ago and the postee latekate was an inspiration and still is to me. I took a lot of her advice as it seemed very straightforward and genuine. I continue to post responses on the site to her although my name on that forum is SERVANT.:character0028:
     
  19. Mistress Watchful
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    Mistress Watchful Dont believe the hype ;oP

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    How awesome! She says our site is the friendliest on the net! That's made my day!!!
     
  20. slavemaid
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    slavemaid Junior Member

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    Hi All,
    I just wanted to thank you all for your kind posts and valuable advice.

    After pondering over the situation for most of the weekend I sat down with my girlfriend and had an honest discussion about my fantasies on Sunday night. It sure felt like :balls: at first with all the embarrassment. Trying to fall asleep that night I was wondering if I had done the right thing. I did not only mention D/s to her but also talked to her about chastity and dressing up as a french maid and was afraid of having gone too far and freaking her out.

    During work on Monday however we chatted a bit online and she asked me for some online resources to read up on the things I mentioned to her the night before.

    To cut a long story short, it turns out that my girlfriend is not only the best, but also very understanding. We had a bit of play that night which included me showing and putting on my CB-3000, cooking for her naked and she wearing her super sexy latex body and heels. Needless to say, I also went down on her, massaged her back and feet and tried everything to make her comfortable. In the end, I hope that I was also able to convey to her that being charge does have certain benefits.

    So where does this lead us from here? I am not entirely sure myself. But I am sure that the journey will be full of interesting surprises and developments for both us.

    Thank you all again for your replies, it sure made talking to her a lot easier!
     
  21. Mistress Watchful
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    Mistress Watchful Dont believe the hype ;oP

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    Hooray - you are one of the lucky ones!

    Why don't you start a Journal in the Vault section and keep us informed how it goes?

    These first steps are valuable for people to read how others started their journey, I'm sure you already appreciate that fact! :yes1:

    Congratulations! Now let's see if your Mistress wants to come and chat too!
     
  22. tj246
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    tj246 Senior Member

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    you mention kinky sex play was it just tying up in bed that was it,add more kink to your sex life.im sure you love her and do everything for her do you have sex often,,,if you dont maybe you could suggest locking it up as soon as it is on you pay so much attention to her flowers hugs perform oral things like that
     
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