Hello all I am new member and new to the lifestyle. We started a few days b4 valentines day this year. We have had a few ups and downs but overall have had a steady progression with me being in chastity. Currently I am locked up 24/7 with releases only when she wants (or I guess when I beg enough). Over the last one month I have spent 3 nights unlocked total (released for playtime much more often than that), the last being 2 nights ago. I returned from a business trip where i was away for a couple days locked and while were talking when I was away she said I would be released for 15m when I came home. I asked for a couple ruined as well, she seemed a little irritated but indicated it would be possible. when I got home around 1230am she woke up asked me to remove my cage and gave proceeded to give me ruined which took me only a few minutes. We then went to sleep uncaged. She got up early to go to work and woke me and told to put the cage on when I got up (i had a late start in the am, so I got to sleep in). When I did wake I was hard and horny and so I gave my self a ruined, then put the cage on. This was Monday am. Today (tuesday), I told her about the ruined. She is obviously annoyed with me but doesn't know what to do about it, and here in lies the current issue we are having with the lifestyle. She says that she does not like to punish...at all. I have tried to share my feelings that without some threat of repercussions it difficult for me to stay motivated to comply with the rules. I feel like whether I do my chores or not, comply with her instructions or not, pleasure myself or not, it makes no real difference. She loves having control of my orgasms, loves having me in a cage, enjoys me doing the laundry, dishes, making the bed, massaging her on demand but I feel that if I were to not do those things there would be no real repercussion. 99% of I play by the rules because of a the high I get from serving her, but it doesn't get me to 100%. Now although I enjoy being spanked a little I am not only talking about that as a punishment. It could really be whatever she wants including not letting me out at all for a week, 2 weeks, whatever, but I know that wont happen. Currently she lets me out every 2-3 days and gives me 3-5 ruined a week (sometimes 2-3 during one play session). Even if she were to say that she wont let me out for a week (and she has once), I wont believe her because it has never happened, and therefore has no effect on me. I realize I am being a whiny bitch!! The reason I even signed up to the forum today and wrote all this is because I want to learn how to continue to feel submissive 24/7 without any fear of consequence. 99% of this desire to be submissive to her is to please her and give her every part of me, but the absence of that last 1% which is a little bit of fear is a void that is hard to ignore for me at this point. Other examples is that in the past we have discussed my occasional lack of enthusiasm (due to lack of fear) and I asked her to help me feel submissive first thing in the morning by telling me to caress her feet and her ass when time permits (sometimes she is up well b4 me and in a rush to get kids ready etc). She does this for like 3 days and then forgets all about it. Also one of my chores is to make the bed in the am. I didn't do it Monday am (I was still very tired from my trip) and I knew nothing would happen if I didn't. Sure enough, she didn't say a word about it. I didn't make it this am either, i was running a bit late, and again today not a word or care about it. I have a feeling she feels that I don't do it sometimes to encourage her to punish me with a paddle, and she doesn't like that so Im guessing she is choosing to ignore it. While I think a few smacks with the paddle is hot, i'm sure she could make it unpleasant if she wanted to, and furthermore she could do so many things that I wouldn't find pleasant. Now all this is not to say that she has not made any effort at all. Quite the opposite. In our vanilla life, I was in charge of it all, and she has really grown over the past 3 months to where MOST of the time she has embraced her role as the queen, but yet without this last piece it all just seems fake and like a game, and I want so much for this to be real. Sometimes like with this episode she just seems unsure of how to feel and how to act, and me saying to her "just do or act however you feel like" doesn't help her much. I wish I knew how to get over the last hump. Anyway thanks for letting me purge, any advice from other subs and queens would be helpful, would love to hear how you all do it so well. Thanks
Thanks for joining and for writing. I find it interesting that people that join choose 'appropriate' names. Mine is not Verity and nor am I naturally submissive, though it's a quality in myself I'd like to work on. I'll guess in your situation your not really a slave, even though you enjoy the fantasy of it. I think my point is that it is all just a game. Even the 'lifestyle' is just a game. We play games all through our lives, and very serious ones too. But still, just a game. More importantly we get to make up our own rules. It sounds to me like your wife isn't ready to play the game quite the way you'd like. Why not just take the good bits as they are, and accept that there are times when the game and it's rules can be bent to suit circumstance. The game I play is to make suggestions to my lady, and she can choose to pick up on them or not as she wishes. I think the 'last hump' is something of your own making - and something you have no place in expecting your wife to fulfil. I think you should be happy with and focus on what you have, rather than to be unhappy and focus on what you don't. You owe that much to wife, and to yourself. I think you need more mental discipline. Toughen up Princess.
One last thought, again on the personal discipline. Why not punish yourself? For each misdemeanor you get to give yourself one hard punch per bollock. Work out how, give yourself one just to get on target, then another proper one. Done properly it'll have you on your knees each time. Then you stand up, and do the other side. You'll soon be on peak behaviour. No, no - thank me later.
your awesome, thanks for making me laugh. On a serious note, all your comments are spot on. The hump IS in my mind, she is not ready for how I WANT TO PLAY, and thinking about it that way kinda ruins it anyway. I guess my fear is that this (the game) is all actually for me instead of for both of us and if thats the case that would suck. I secretly look for her to enforce rules as a measure of her interest, and when she doesn't want to enforce it feels like a lack of interest in the entire lifestyle. Its my own insecurities coming to forefront, and i guess only i can deal/eliminate them.
Now you're on the money. Here's the news. The game IS for you, but there are benefits for her. You doing the chores, you being sweeter to her, you being deferential to her, giving in to her wishes in things like where to go and what to do, you know, being NICE. And more importantly (or not as hte case may be) sex becomes about what she wants when she wants it, and any playtime for you is a side show. When you put the game in those terms then both of you win, always. The only problem I see is that you have an idea of what you want the 'lifestyle' to be. Here's some more news. You're already living it - it is what it is. The only thing you can change is yourself, and your wife will hopefully pick up on those changes. With luck she'll be taking notes all the time, and she probably is. Just be careful what you wish for. I'm glad you took my posts with the humour they were intended as - though I was totally serious about the content, including the punishment. Now go to it.
It would appear that SubVerity has a pretty good handle on things. Thus, there's not a great deal I can offer in addition. However, I will suggest that you ask your wife/girlfriend to read a website called 'Multifaceted Moi'. It is written by someone who sells the notion of a Female Centric Relationship (FCR) concept and supports the use of chastity and connected methods in making men more focussed on their women. It was actually this site that encouraged me to sign up here and join a community as I'm just venturing into chastity myself. Whilst there may not be a huge amount that's terribly new, it might offer some sort of background or perspective that she, as a female, can use the power you are giving her in a more dominant way to satisfy herself more. That in turn would satisfy you more and then the entire relationship grows stronger with everyone happy. And because it's coming from someone who appears to be a professional counsellor of sorts, it can be considered expert advice. There's no guarantees, but it's just reading matter... No harm came from just reading something, right? Once I'm getting settled into my new way of life, I'll leave it a few weeks and if I think my wife could do with a little bit of eye-opening with regards to the power she's not using, I'll be directing her to 'Multifaceted Moi' also.
How about you punch yourself in the balls and ill feel bad for you! The emotional guilt and torment i would feel would be so much more of a punishment for me than just a little physical pain.