After three frustrating years of me trying to shoehorn myself into a submissive female petite pump and my husband lacking all interest in anything approaching dominant consistency, we have decided to pursue a female led dynamic within our marriage. At points in our previous endeavors in male led D/s, the dynamic would invariably break down. It was unsustainable. Those periods were usually presaged by my husband coming to bed in panties. Therefore, we "played" intermittently over the last few years with me "topping" him. This was extremely disheartening and confusing to me initially. I always felt like a failure as a submissive. I tried so hard but submission didn't come naturally to me. I understand now that dominance does not come readily to my husband. We were both trying desperately and miserably to be something we could not be. Our relationship has evolved. Trust runs deeper allowing us both to be truly vulnerable with ourselves and each other. Personally, this is requiring me to trust myself, my competence, my ability to take care of him and myself consistently and wisely, to set and maintain boundaries and expectations, to give him a soft place to exist. He is trusting himself to exist in that soft space between us confidently and ardently. The last few weeks have been rewarding and comfortable. We both feel a sense of ease where until now was struggle within and between ourselves. We bought a Bon 4 a few weeks ago and for the month of September we have a chastity agreement in place. We will renegotiate at the end of the month.