More of a question for the Key-holder/dominant women but comments from all are of course welcome. I just so happen to be a virgin and only recently started to explore my sexuality...I guess I was just scared because no one in my life is open enough to discuss alternative sexuality (if I may call it that). I knew that I was into things that were considered taboo for as long as I remember, and I just happened to be one of those people that took to hiding the true me for way longer than I should have. Also, I have little to no interest in 'vanilla' sex, by which I mean vaginal penetration, fellatio, and whatever else your typical straight male is supposed to like, and missionary-only, lights-off and male-led sex that typical straight women are supposed to like...so I never pursued it and simply did not know for most of my life that people I might want to be intimate with could possibly have the same interests as I do. 19 year old me would have thought the idea of discussing anything I'm actually interested in with anyone completely mortifying and even potentially dangerous (i.e. What if everyone finds out!?). Anyway, I'm starting to approach that bad attitude more proactively, but its still in my head...most people are invariably going to think that my virginity indicates some sort of malfunction, especially if its not a choice, but because I'm just not good enough to begin with, or that I just need a solid piece of advice. I do not want advice on how to pick up women, not at all! The reason is because most of the time its insipid, moronic, regurgitated nonsense like "Women like confidence, you just have to be confident!" Yeah, because we all know that if you puff up your chest and pretend to be some sort of really lame, t-shirt and jeans version of James Bond, then women will be falling all over themselves for your attention as if its some sort of body-spray commercial. Confidence is not the only thing when it comes to attracting women (though what the hell would I know). I don't exactly think of myself as a complete piece of crap, and if people try to put me down I'm more than willing and capable of standing up for myself. Telling a guy having trouble attracting women that he just needs to be more confident is highly insulting and dismissive because you're treating him as if he's some sniveling rat that can't even look people in the eyes. Such is not the case, not at all for me. There's dozens of variables that determine whether or not you will attract a woman because *gasp* they're actually human beings with complex emotions, need and desires and are very unlikely to be attracted or impressed solely by confident behaviour! Remember: the guy that shouts at women as he drives by in his car or blatantly stares at her ass as she walks away, muttering some asinine come-on probably doesn't have confidence issues, and how many women actually like those hyper-confident d-bags? Furthermore along those lines, a lot of people conflate being confident with being demanding...so whenever someone tells me "Women are attracted to confidence," I kinda want to scream at them because it sure sounds a lot like what they're saying is, "If you pretend as if you're someone your not and go around demanding women be with you then eventually one of them will be stupid enough to fall for your bullshit." If that is the reality that I am supposed to accept, then honestly I'd rather be a virgin and is of course that is part of the reason why I am. I digress, I happened to find an online KH and she introduced me to this website and as I've written about this elsewhere she became aware and assured me that for all I know the right lady might actually like that about me. So, I came here to ask this question for reasons that should be abundantly obvious. Just in case it isn't though, we are all here for chastity, discussions about it's practice, implementation, et al, and to be chaste is to be a virgin. Thus, there is a corollary and I think its apt to ask whether or not my KH is actually correct in saying that some ladies might think that my being a virgin is indeed "hot" as it were. I am skeptical that is the case. I'm sure there are some out there that might like it, but its so rare I might as well be asking if there are any unicorns out there in internet land. By and large its an annoyance, something that I should have cast off by now and is likely to induce that awkward pause followed by several blinks and the dreaded thinly-veiled embarrassed-pity that people with terminal illnesses get; "Oh, I see," or even worse the incredulous utterance; "Really?" I mean, it's analogous to someone asking to borrow your car, and then they say they've never driven a car before. Are you going to be okay with that? Is anyone? Some people might be okay with teaching a person to drive, if they have to, but it's not exactly something that people desire, as it can be maddening, frustrating, and outside of comedy films, isn't really enjoyable at all. I just don't see anyone exactly getting exited at the prospect of teaching a grown man where the gas pedal is and how not to confuse the turn signal with the windshield-wiper, if you catch my meaning. Finally, why does it matter? What do I care if anyone thinks virginity is hot or not? Surely, if it bothers me that much I would just get it over with and be done with the whole thing. Well, I think I have explained in quite enough detail why that's easier said than done for me, and you're welcome to begrudge me for that, but it is beside the point. The reason why it matters is because it's like a feedback loop... if I think no woman wants a virgin, and so don't feel good enough about myself to really try to find a woman, which perpetuates my virginity and so on and so forth and so nothing changes. Also, I am aware that this is the internet and am perfectly aware that some people are going to read the first three sentences and then leave a comment that completely misses the point and is borderline insulting/with a mocking tone. I wouldn't have created this thread if I wasn't prepared for that eventuality. In spite of that, please let me know what you think if you will, if you must. Thank you.
I should have clarified, I am not into anything actually taboo or illegal, I just thought in my formative years that it was completely socially unacceptable to discuss being more sexually submissive as a man and and enjoying the 'fetishes' that is typically associated with made me a deviant that would be ostracized and stigmatized (which it will to some degree).
Interesting question. As a moderately submissive male (not the immediate demographic you posed your question to) I obviously cannot answer for you. I can tell you that I am utterly rubbish at understanding how to make women interested in me but luckily I did manage it once, a long time ago, and she is still my wife and now my keyholder and Mistress. I have also been told more than once that I am utterly rubbish at reading the signals that women give when they are interested, so that might be an issue for you too. As for what people think about your virginity I really don't know. It isn't an issue for me. I am definitely interested to hear what other people say.
well im a guy so take this with a grain of salt, but I think when you meet the right woman she wouldnt care one way or the other if your a virgin. Yes in the small corners of the earth there are probably some women who would find that hot. But I wouldnt wear your virginity around your neck like its something important or to be regarded as special. Just be yourself and you'll meet the right woman for you.