Is Chastity a Codependent Relationship?

Discussion in 'Female led relationships' started by bcc, Nov 12, 2008.

Random Thread
  1. bcc
    Offline

    bcc Wanna-be

    Joined:
    Oct 23, 2008
    Messages:
    66
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    6
    Local Time:
    5:58 PM
    My partner shows no interest so far in being my Keyholder. He thinks that Chastity is "weird". A recent conversation included two questions from him that I couldn't answer:

    "Is Chastity a codependent relationship?"
    "Isn't a codependency an unhealthy style of relationship that we should try to avoid?"

    Hmmm... Well, i "duno" - I am not a psychologist - not an expert in relationships. :animal0017:

    I have a few thoughts and opinions, though:
    1) Who cares if Chastity is a codependent relationship? If it is, so what? Both partners seek this relationship for their own complimentary objectives with their eyes wide open! Is it necessarily unhealthy? Probably it is mutually enriching...
    2) Chastity based upon a punishment regimen is probably a codependency. Maybe a punishment regimen with no reward or hope for reward is unhealthy.
    3) Chastity based upon a "tease and deny - and then allow" game is probably not codependent.

    Well, I toss these questions out for comments - I need to answer my partner, and some insight from you all (y'all in Texas) would help me think about this and talk to my partner more honestly and constructively. :anim_20:

    Thanks - Brian
     
  2. Bobbybig
    Offline

    Bobbybig Member

    Joined:
    May 14, 2008
    Messages:
    46
    Likes Received:
    7
    Trophy Points:
    8
    Local Time:
    3:58 PM
    About your Sig: Dogs come when called, cats take a message.

    But about your question: What about the person that wants to be in chastity without another person to keep them locked? I suggest that many want to be denied to build up personal sexual energy that does not depend on the other person. It is more like a selfish compulsion with rewards that do not depend on someone else.
    Bobbybig
     
  3. bcc
    Offline

    bcc Wanna-be

    Joined:
    Oct 23, 2008
    Messages:
    66
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    6
    Local Time:
    5:58 PM
    Hi BobbyBig,

    Yes, cats take a message (unless it is time to eat...)

    I didn't consider the individual who is self locked - that is a good point to explore as well. I agree that the self locked case is a selfish compulsion for an elevated arousal.

    Normally, a codependency involves two people - one has a behavioral compulsion, and the other has an addiction to that person to enable their compulsion. So, from that perspective, I want to defend chastity to my partner as a healthy extension of our relationship - to see if I can find a framework in which he will accept the keyholder role.

    At the moment, we have an "informal" D/s relationship, and it is not much of a stretch in my mind to pursue chastity - at least the basic "tease and deny - and then allow" role play.

    Thanks for chiming in!

    PS - meal time right now for the cats - they came when called - at least at this one moment of the day...
     
  4. bcc
    Offline

    bcc Wanna-be

    Joined:
    Oct 23, 2008
    Messages:
    66
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    6
    Local Time:
    5:58 PM
    Thinking on this over night Bobbybig...

    I don't think that self-locked individuals are doing something unhealthy. I hope that I didn't convey that thought inadvertently in my response.

    I think that my partner is worried that chastity in general isn't healthy for our relationship, and he is using that as his reason to pooh the idea. So, I have to do some education. But if he reaffirms his "No", then that is where I'll leave it. Just looking for some other perspectives to add to my thinking and our discussion!

    Thanks again for adding your comments.
     
  5. Mistress Michelle
    Offline

    Mistress Michelle Magical Mistress

    Joined:
    May 17, 2008
    Messages:
    1,908
    Likes Received:
    184
    Trophy Points:
    73
    Gender:
    Female
    Local Time:
    6:58 PM
    Hummm.....just so you know, My cats always come when I call them!!!

    bcc,
    I would like to offer a suggestion...
    If it were Me, I would stop making this chastity thing with your partner into more than it needs to be. As with male/Female relationships it is sometimes better to introduce chastity as a new toy, a game, to enjoy playing with. I do not think at the beginning of this you, or your partner should be so concerned about all the aspects of the 'chastity' relationship and how it pertains to your lifestyle. Since you have already gotten into all this big discussion with your partner, maybe stepping back and telling him that you dont have all the answers and its just something you want to play with would help. Then you can have fun with it, enjoy it when you can and hope that he takes a likeing to it. If not, then you have a new toy in the toy chest.
    Just My 2 cents worth

    Mistress Michelle :sex020:
     
  6. bcc
    Offline

    bcc Wanna-be

    Joined:
    Oct 23, 2008
    Messages:
    66
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    6
    Local Time:
    5:58 PM
    Hello Mistress Michelle,

    Thank you very much for your "2-cents". I appreciate your wisdom very much. We have talked about chastity about 4 or 5 times since August, so this is not a dreaded topic or a "dead horse" in our household. And the toy box has room for a few more toys (and we do play with our toys)!

    I have resigned myself to let this all sit for awhile. I have tried to entice George with some "toy play" with the cage and all, but he is really reluctant, and that is something that I respect. So maybe it just goes nowhere further. At any rate, I am a tenacious person - you have to be to run a business... I don't drop things very easily, in other words, and my mind is constantly whirling around problems.

    Oh - Pink Floyd Live At Pompeii on my iTunes player - that brings back lots of memories...

    And Skyler at my feet purring - he is glad to see me home for the day.

    It is good to hear from you Mistress, and thank you again for your wisdom - I see where you are coming from.

    Brian
     
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice