Hi :-)

hello @Scandinavia and welcome to here and its a nice place to learn.

 

First off, welcome. My wife and I had several starts and stops until we found what worked for us. We tried to do the whole femdom thing with chastity and my wife is too loving and submissive to make that work. Then we wrote a chastity contract but they all seems to read like what a guy wants his keyholder to do to him and when. Sort of an instruction book that takes the control away from the KH and keeps you boxed into what it says. Then if you keep changing it, it get confusing and my wife and I would often not remember which was the current rule for something.

My best advice is to take baby steps. You do not have to do anything but chastity. My wife only controls our sex life but the rest of our marriage is the same as it always was with me in charge of something and her in charge of others. We are smart enough to assign things to the person best qualified to do it and not because we think any particular gender is superior, which it is not outside of sexual fetishes. It will be much easier if you first concentrate just on the chastity part and once you have that going good, then you can add other elements to it like D/s, Domestic Discipline and even a female led relationship, although my wife is happy to not have that responsibility which is very stressful. Plus no guy really wants to be a 24/7 slave to anyone unless he has a psychological reason for it. Some days you wake up and just do not feel like licking feet or being whipped.

The female part of the couple will probably experience guilt in denying the male orgasms for long periods of time when he is begging for them. My wife did not get over those guilt feelings until the latter part of the third year and now is fine if I never had an orgasm again. We just agreed last night to only 3 orgasms for 2017. Just so happens that Valentine's Day, my birthday and our wedding anniversary fall about 4 months apart. My wife wanted no orgasms at first but when we tried that she quickly released that she had no more control over me at all since there was no reason to do anything she asked. What was she going to do, deny me an orgasm that I was never to get? See the problem? Then she said twice a year which I had sort of agreed to but last night after she had two intense orgasms I used that opportunity to renegotiate and we compromised at three orgasm tops and she could skip one of them if she wishes. There are pros and cons knowing when your orgasm is. We found through experience that making it a surprise is best. It gives me incentive to be more like she would like me to be since I may argue with her on a week she was going to give me an orgasm and lose. Next year there is one orgasm at risk and so I need to act well all year to get all three.

We started out playing games to determine how many days of orgasm denial. A lot of us start like that as it takes the guilt away from the KH. However, it also takes the control away from the keyholder too. My wife said that sometimes she did not want to wait that long or give me an orgasm that quickly because the dice or some external source told her when to make me have a regular orgasm. She wanted full control so we stopped playing those games. We also tore up our contract and have only one rule. My wife makes the rules, does not have to tell me what they are and can change them without notice. This is one of the things we changed to make keyholding not be a chore for her and being a KH is work. She had to check that I was locked up, supervise my showers, make sure I was not playing with myself when unlocked, etc.. So she had me promise not to masturbate and play with myself if I am unlocked for a shower or sex. I promised and never broke that promise. That made it very easy to be my KH. She just needed to make sure I locked up after I was unlocked and that was it. I also negotiated sex at least once a week to see me through long denial periods. Ruined orgasms at her option but I rather not have them as it only makes me hornier and my wife hates semen getting all over the place, even though we lay on a towel. I can shoot above my head and hit the headboard at times or shoot it all over her. So we negotiated only one every four months at her discretion. Keep in mind that these are just my wish list and my wife can change the rules anytime she wants so I am not telling her what to do, just what would make it more enjoyable for me. We rarely end up following what we negotiate but at least it provides some sort of framework. Without it I tend to have anxiety attacks thinking how long it will be without an orgasm.

Have your man get used to wearing his CB6000 gradually. We men all want to put it on and keep it on but that never works out well. The best way is to start off wearing it during the day and take it off for sleep. It took me about 6 months before I did 24/7 wear because we did it gradually. Then it took another 6 months before I could wear it outside of the house no matter what I was doing except doctor visits. Last year my doc asked me to drop my pants for a rectal exam and I was locked up so I made an excuse and now do not wear it to the doctor's office. Also do not wear it to the dentist because if it started to pinch me, I cannot just stick my hands down my pants to adjust. So what we do is that I wear it anyplace where I can adjust it, even if it is just going into my car to do so and I do not wear it when I have not place to adjust it privately, which is usually just dentist and doctor stuff. I even rarely take the emergency key to places I have already worn it to and had no problem but I should carry it. I once got a kidney stone attack and 911 was called and EMS came and carted me off to the hospital where they immediately gave me a Cat scan and prepped me for surgery. My stone had lodged someplace and had infected half of my chest with a massive infection and collapse one of my lungs. I was not wearing my chastity cage that time but it is good reason why you should have an emergency key. If I hear someone say they do not have one, that is a red flag for me as serious players always play safe and sane. The unexpected has a way of biting you on the ass. I am been into fetish play for 47 years and chastity is the tamest one I have been into. Those who I played with and other couples all played safe and sane. Those that pretended did all the crazy stuff you read about crazy glue, welding a cage shut (you will burn you penis badly if you try that), and all the other ways written about how to make it impossible to remove the chastity device. I am sure a few do it but not in the numbers you read about from people who post and then disappear after a few weeks or months, never to be heard from again. Keep it sane and safe.

Two more bits of advice. The first is to gradually extend orgasm denial periods. Chastity is more fun if you are denied a little pass your comfort level. As it is said, chastity really starts when he is begging for an orgasm. Do it slowly. Try one denial period a few times and then add a day or more next time. Keep doing it like that and you will train the male to endure longer and longer chastity periods. We did not start denial for a month until our second year and multi month denials until year 3. We did it slowly because this is supposed to be fun for both or you. As far as any guilt you may feel when he is begging, just remember that he asked for this and wants you to say no. My wife has a good system. If I am pleading with her for an orgasm in bed, she will hand me the keys, tell me to lock up when I am done and then leaves the bedroom. I never once unlocked myself under those circumstances. This way she feels no guilt since she gave me the means to masturbate. Another thing we use is our safe word from out BDSM games. I can beg and tell her I will die without an orgasm but unless I use my safe word, I am not truly in distress. If I use it, we stop and talk about it. That makes me feel that I always have a way out if I am in mental or physical distress and that allows me to go longer denied an orgasm. My wife will also intervene if she feels that I am in mental or physical distress. So we have safety valves. After all, we love each other and have no wish to torture each other without it being fun for both.

You should know that although the CB6000 is a great way to start, it does not hold up well to 24/7 wear. Mine broke twice in one year. It also is a pain to put on or take off and is rather bulky but it does allow you to find the right ring and gap size that is best for you. When i went 24/7 and my CB broke for the second time, I got a Jailbird from Mature Metal. Your Behind Bars is probably a cheap knockoff of the Jailbirds classic design. Just attack cage to ring and lock. Very quick and easy to put on and very comfortable. Yes it costs more but I spent more than it costs trying to find an off the shelf device that I could wear all the time in comfort and I do wear mine like it is a part of me.

That is all the advice I can give you. Keep orgasm denial to a period that is just a little longer than is comfortable and extend it gradually if that is the direction you want to go. My wife is having her best multiple orgasms since I have been denied orgasms for long periods of time. Sex is only for her orgasms now while I was the focus of sex previously. So she is in favor of only a few orgasms a year for me and so am I. However, if I was only having fun being locked up for two weeks, we would be doing it only for two weeks. Also, keep in mind that you can take breaks after a long period of denial and then start again, maybe a few weeks before a special occasion to make it even more special. Just do whatever works for you because if it is not fun for both of you, you will end up like 90% of those who try it and then stop altogether because it did not live up to their fantasy expectations. Chastity is not a game to see who can go the longest nor does it have to be a domiantion/submission game with leather boots and whips. It just has to be reality based and fun for all.