Getting wife into chastity - a help thread

Just wanted to post this here in case anybody else is in the same position, and this in any way helps!

I've just experienced my first night locked up with my wife as KH. She's a fairly vanilla partner, and we've had lots of physical issues too so sex isn't really at the top of her mind most of the time. I've recently admitted to her that I think I've been masturbating too much, and I'm ready to make a change to put her first. This pretty much melted her, right up until the point I started talking about chastity. She's used to my kinks (I'm very into bondage as well!), and I think part of the reason we've grown apart is that I've asked a lot of her there, without ever really giving anything back. So from her perspective, she was so happy that I'd spotted this discrepancy, but I think equally upset that I brought another one of 'my' things in to solve the issue. Didn't go great at first.

But the past 2 weeks I've been REALLY putting it in. Giving her footrubs, backrubs, running her baths, helping out more around the house way more than usual. Simultaneously I've been really open that I've barely been masturbating, and that I've been experimenting with chastity on my own terms. Gradually, she's starting to associate the chastity and my abstinence with a greater level of care and affection which I actually really genuinely want to give her. I think about doing things to pleasure her, instead of just myself, and I've embraced the weird, kinky, horny side of me that I think I've been keeping locked up behind masturbation for over a decade. Isn't is amazing how different you feel when you stop regularly suppressing your own sex drive every day!?

She knows that I've been using a chastity timer (Chaster - would recommend) - to add some excitement to when I'm allowing myself to finish. No actual locks so far, just a commitment I've made to myself to follow my own rules - until the timer's done I can't finish myself, but she can do what she wants to/with me at any time. I've talked about it a lot with her, and I'm lucky that she's been receptive enough to be interested enough in what I'm doing in return for her getting a little extra love and attention.

Yesterday morning, I told her that I had caged myself, and asked her to hold the key for me, which she's done a couple of times, and not to give it back until she goes to sleep. She gets that it's partially a thrill, but also to help me to break a bad habit I've been in. We went about our day, went for a walk, did some shopping etc. and then got to the evening. We had dinner, and spoke at length about things. She said she had seen the difference in me recently, and was waiting for the catch. The catch, I said, was that I needed her to continue to be interested and involved with the chastity (which she already is), and encourage me to do less for myself and more for her. She didn't really see that as a catch, as you can imagine! After dinner, I told her that my timer had come to an end - that I'd be allowed to finish once we unlocked the cage tonight, and that actually I wasn't ready to stop my streak yet - I was enjoying thinking about her so much. I modified the timer to be blind (i.e. remaining time not shown) and I asked her to add some time, secretly. To my surprise, she took my phone and tapped away. "How long?" she said. I said that I didn't want to know - a day, two days, three days, a week? How mean was she feeling? She grinned and tapped a few more times, and handed me back the phone. Even right now I have no idea how long she added.

Later, we got into bed. I fully anticipated that she might do something nice for me - I'd made a huge effort and cooked a really nice dinner etc. I thought she'd probably tell me to unlock and go shower and then mess me around a bit - she knows how much the denial turns me on. But instead she got naked, started grinding on top of my cage. She started saying all the things she'd be doing if I wasn't wearing the cage, which obviously made me ridiculously horny, was grabbing and pulling at the cage. Then, she said that actually she'd be leaving the cage on for the night - in fact she wanted to show my rules the respect they deserved by insisting that I wasn't touched at all until the timer ran out by her or myself. I also wouldn't be able to touch her until the same. I protested that the timer didn't have to apply to her - it was for self-finishing and she could unlock me well within the rules, but she insisted, told me firmly to put my underwear back on and go to sleep.

The night was tough - the cage wasn't quite painful but extremely uncomfortable, and I was thinking constantly about how awesome this was, which of course didn't help things at all. In the night, her softer side kicked back in - she asked if I was okay when I'd get up to go and calm down, and if I needed the key, to which I said no. I suspect that if I'd said yes to that, then I would have been unlocked immediately - she was out of the 'zone' by then. I probably slept about 3 hours all night. I struggled through, and this morning I woke up and made her a cup of tea, helped with the baby, and thanked her profusely for indulging me, and not letting me out. She asked again if I needed the key, and I reassured her that we have a safe word for a reason, I'm having an awesome time, and I'm going to show her how grateful I am for that with more lovely things. I suspect that this evening she won't be quite as into it - she's got a long day ahead, but I'm planning to make her evening as awesome as possible, and hopefully at the least she'll respond by keeping me locked and horny for another night.

For now at least, we seem to have reached a point that's reciprocal - she gets a husband who's more eager to help, more thoughtful and attentive, and I get her engaging with my chastity kink, keeping me honest and sexually excited. Now I just have to make sure that I hold my end up. This whole thing will collapse if I start making everything about me and the chastity, if I stop showing her that I'm thinking about her needs too. We're genuinely getting a lot out of things at the moment, and it's probably the best our sex life has been in years and years, maybe ever. Who knows if it will last, but I feel super lucky to have even gotten this far, and I know that there are loads of guys out there who just want to get even off the ground with it.

For those who are struggling, there are loads of good tips out there, but my top ones would be:

1. If you're only getting your SO into chastity for your own benefit, it's not going to work. You need to reciprocate and put the work in too. Most women are turned on by entirely different things to men, gestures and acts of service. You need to demonstrate these and associate it with how you can be better, and what is going to help you get there.

2. Take it slow!! I sprung everything on my wife waaaay too fast and nearly blew the whole thing. Focus on introducing little things one by one, communicate with her about what you want to achieve and don't get carried away! You may benefit from starting things on your own so that she has time to get a bit more used to the idea, and see that a cock cage isn't some mad medieval fantasy, but actually just a really basic tool for abstinence (and fun for both of you!) In the meantime, keep the narrative about her and what she needs.

3. DON'T BE POUTY. There will be days she's not interested. That's fine, because it's not about you (see point 5). If she's not interested, lean into it. Run her a bath, give her some 'her' time - pressure will only kill her desire to do nice things for you. If you're lucky enough for her to get involved, she's doing you a MASSIVE favour, and you should be very grateful even on the days she's not up for it.

4. Be thankful. When she denies you or makes you horny, thank her for it. When she lets you touch her or go down on her, thank her for it. When she teases you to the edge and leaves you whimpering and frustrated, thank her for it. Then convert that thanks into more nice things for her. It's pretty one-sided, but you're both winning really, aren't you?

5. It's not about you. Tell her this regularly. Believe it. Make it your mantra. This is about her coming first - that's what this power play means. It might also mean her learning to put herself first, and you encouraging her to do that. If you've been selfish in the past, apologise. If there's stuff you never do for her, start doing it. If you've been crap, been better. It's. Not. About. You.

Hope this helps you dudes out there - here's hoping my own experience carries on as well as it's started!

Does anyone else have any top tips to share?