False Hope key contract

Playing around today I imagined a keyholder coming up with a return of the keys process that is not much different than going to the motor vehicle department, with wait times and fees. Here is the form:


Key Retrieval Request Fees


All requests for key retrieval services must be made by filling out Form KR-01.

There is a $250 processing fee to review the request. Please allow 12-18 months for the request to be processed.

For faster service we offer an expedited processing option. Expedited processing is an additional $750. Please allow 9-12 months for processing of expedited requests.

If your request is approved you will be required to pay storage fees of $25/month and a delivery service fee of $100.

All fees must be paid immediately upon notification of approval. Failure to pay storage and delivery fees will result in cancellation of your request.

Requests that are denied can be appealed by resubmitting the application with updates and a $100 appeal fee.

To inquire about the status of your request please fill out form KR-1S and submit it with a $100 processing fee. During the inquiry all requests will be halted so that their exact status can be investigated. Investigations are usually completed within 90-days. Verbal inquiries of the status of the application are not allowed and will result in the request being canceled.

FORM KR-01
Name of applicant: Signature:

Date of Application: Date key service started:

Key Holder service agent:


Type of Device:
Type of key:
Key Service plan: Platinum ____ Diamond ______ Gold ______ Silver _____

Length of initial agreement:
3 months:____ 6 Months: _____ 12 Months: _______ 24 Months:______ Permanent: _________ Other:___________


Reason for request:

Medical issues:______ Travel: ______ Government building:_______ Other:_______
Length of time key will be needed: _____________
Date needed:________________


Please explain the exact details for your request for the temporary return of the requested key:




*Omitting any details from this request or conducting any activities except those explicitly stated in the above request will result in forfeiture of the key and its immediate destruction and disposal.


*Requests for key retrieval which include the applicant participating in sexual activity that results in the applicant having an orgasm or solo stimulation (masturbation, edging) will be denied and cannot be appealed. If the applicant’s partner is requesting that the applicant be unlocked for sexual activity AND the partner requests that the applicant be given an orgasm waiver the partner needs to fill out the sections below.


Partner’s name: Partner’s signature:

Reason for waiver:

Trying to become pregnant: _______ I enjoy watching/feeling the applicant ejaculate: ________

Special reward:________________ Other:____________________


Explain in details what the applicant deserves a special reward for; or your other reason: