Chaste.... or, not?

Discussion in 'Chastity and orgasm denial' started by pet11, Nov 9, 2008.

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  1. pet11
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    pet11 New member

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    My boyfriend has been locked up now for 39 days (his record 42 days) in a CB6000. However, since we do not live together, there are times - a day here or there - where he is unsupervised AND unlocked, for work purposes. He swears that he is "being good", and the only reason I don't question him is because I know deep down that he truly wants long-term chastity/orgasm denial.

    Now of course I do wonder, am I being naive?? I hate to think he's actually masturbating, as I do love the control and knowing he hasn't cum. And I can only imagine the temptation, to which he succumbs, and then he perhaps can't bring himself to tell Me as he doesn't want to disappoint. Yet, I'd surely rather know!

    We've been together about 5 years now, and frequently incorporate chastity into our sex/alt lifestyle. It can definitely be a challenge for long-term, mainly because of family life - work,kids,financial stress, and the fact that we don't live together. And then add in the unknown of the fact that he may not actually be chaste! It really pushes my buttons knowing that he is truly denied, and this uncertainty sort of dampens that feeling of power/control....
     
  2. Fred Norman
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    Fred Norman Member

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    Petal130,

    Chastity is not just a device, it's a state of mind. When you first start there is a lot of temptation. But after a few weeks, the locked one can get to enjoy it. Look at all the really long term guys here. Sure some are faking it, but a lot aren't!

    At first all the frustration, and 'edge' is hard to take. But as you go along, and get to what I call 'The Float', you get to like the higher sexual plane (plain?) you're always on. Like halfway to an orgasm. Maybe 90% of the way around a teasy KH! That's when the almost constant pleasure starts. It reaches a point where you don't want to cum because the total pleasure of the CB is greater than that of a cum. A cum then become a let down. Sure it is still great pleasure, but so brief...

    Personally, I started, thinking the eventual cum would be so much greater, so much better after a few days. It was, but the seed had been planted. What would longer be like? That's when you discover the Float. Then the CB becomes the means by which the male can experience a different sexuality not directly involving his penis. Then serving the KH becomes his surrogate sexuality. It is GREAT PLEASURE, and very prolonged.

    As to whether of not he is cheating? Ask him. Just as in S&M play there has to be open, honest communication between partners. If you've been together 5 years, you should know if he's being truthful or not.

    FN
     
  3. Bobbybig
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    Bobbybig Member

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    Hello Fred - I second your message. I started out wearing a chastity device for a few days, then a week, then longer. These short bursts were always frustrating. I had a hard time resisting unlocking. Then I went for two months. That time I realized exactly what you are talking about. I got to that plane where i didn't want to have an orgasm, ever, because the few moments of pleasure would ruin the many weeks of constant arousal. Eventually I stayed locked for 10 months (305 days) and only stopped because I kind of lost interest in the project. The eventual orgasm wasn't worth it. Right now I am back to off and on for days or weeks. The future? "Who knows what secrets lurk in the hearts of men."
    Bobbybig
     
  4. richard
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    richard Just me

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    The simplest solution is to ask him and ask him to answer honestly.
     
  5. Mistress Watchful
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    Mistress Watchful Dont believe the hype ;oP

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    I wouldn't trust him as far as I could throw him, but then I have a bratty pet who has betrayed my trust on more than one occasion.

    Having said that, I know nothing of your pet, and if he is anything like the others on this site there is a possibility that he is of the "mind-set" group and will have stayed chaste.

    I'm a little tainted and cynical due to my young, selfish, bratty pet... love him far too much for his own good!
     
  6. jes-pop
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    jes-pop Female dom ... loving it!

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    I wouldn't believe it either. My experience is that a man will masturbate anytime given the possibility. Lock him up, I say. Or give him the alternative: 3 weeks in supervised chastity for every day unlocked/unsupervised. That will teach him to ask for it only when it is truly necessary!:animal0017:
     
  7. PuppyMastersPet
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    I always suggest conditioning with denial training. This evolves lots of edging and cock torture. It hasn’t completely stopped me from wanting to cum but it has made me less likely to want to want to masturbate for self gratification.

    I may have to write up Master’s technique if I get time. I think it would help many.
     
  8. jes-pop
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    jes-pop Female dom ... loving it!

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    Oh I would not want him NOT to masturbate. I just would want him to be punished properly if and when he does...:animal0017:
     
  9. macmen
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    macmen New member

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    I dont deny his devotion to you, I wouldnt worry too much about his "free time". Yes he maybe free for part of the day but his devotion to you should keep him from doing anything he would regret. Then again what do i know i am just starting this chastity path.
     
  10. pet11
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    pet11 New member

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    Thanks for all the thoughts/advice.

    I have asked him if he's remained chaste, and he's assured me he has. I guess I'm skeptical, given what horny dogs men can be. Perhaps he just - for that one brief moment, was unable to control himself. I think if he did in fact masturbate, he would not tell me as not to disappoint me - he knows that I adore his chastity.

    So, I guess I should take him at his word, although I will always be mindful to Mistress Watchful's cynicism - men are still men!

     
  11. dubsub
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    dubsub Member

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    I would not believe for a second he does not get off on his own. There is a way to check. When he is locked up for a good long time his balls will be full and sore. If he is let out for one or two days he will not be able to resist. When you put him back in the cage check to see his balls are still full. If his balls are loose and light then you know he has cheated. Simple.
     
  12. maid katrin
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    maid katrin chaste sissy maid

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    Dear Mistress,

    of course You and Mistress Watchful are right when writing that men - at least in general - can not be trusted when it comes to chastity.
    However, after 5 years You will certainly know him best.

    I really wonder why You can't keep him in a device at all times? If You really want to keep him chaste and if he is truly committed there will always be a way to enforce chastity even when he is away.

    *curtsey*

    maid katrin
     
  13. jes-pop
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    jes-pop Female dom ... loving it!

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    So, I guess I should take him at his word
    Don't! Punish him with a few weeks' supervised :animal0017:chastity. If he doesn't deserve it in this instance, he certainly did at some other occasion that you do not know about!
     
  14. davidphd1866
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    davidphd1866 Member

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    Dear Petal,

    Fred and BobbyBig are speaking with with excellent first-hand knowledge. Having recently cracked some "long-term" mileage myself, I realize the changes that occur mentally are quite different than the short-term actions.

    As such, I recommend what may seem outrageous advice: Ask him, BUT do not treat a confession harshly. Like you said, he WANTS to be chaste for you, but he is human. Do not punish harshly your guy who has given you lots of chastity. Once he realizes that minor setbacks are just that, he won't be tempted to fib when you ask.

    In my humble opinion, true strength as a keyholder comes with being able to understand and appreciate an honest effort out of your chaste male. Giving him credit for long-term efforts will only inspire him to do better for you in the future.

    Harsh punishments will tend to drive him underground, or, worse, cause you to have to become obsessed with security piercings and the like.

    David
     
  15. locked away
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    locked away Member

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    I think you should tell us what the grounds at his work are for the unlocked time and take some advice from us if that is realy necessary as it probably isnt in which case dont give him a key or seal it in a box with your signature on the seal.
     
  16. Kinkish1
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    Kinkish1 Senior Member

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    Hello dubsub,

    In response to your post, I think it should be said that everyone's experiences are different. My balls and sack generally tighten and ascend, then loosen and descend, independent of whether or not I've cum or not. They tend to have a completely different agenda than my cock, or the rest of me.
    However, cool water and/or cold ambient temperatures seem to always result in serious genital shrinkage, along with other chilling causes, such as, bouts of shyness, low self-confidence, etc. lol

    Kinkish1
     
  17. pet11
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    pet11 New member

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    He works from time to time with teen/youth groups. Quite honestly we both find it to be out of place. Not that there's any suggestion of a sexual correlation - it just is, well, weird. For us, anyway...
     
  18. Mistress Watchful
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    Mistress Watchful Dont believe the hype ;oP

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    petal... you are right, that is a difficult one.

    I have seen comments (on other sites) where male teachers fight with whether or not it would be appropriate to wear devices whilst at work.

    Hopefully you are finding peace with this issue, and maybe conditioning/hypnosis may help you. :animal0008:
     
  19. unruffled
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    unruffled Zen Master

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    Um, no. If this were so, then vasectomised men would have full balls all the time. We don't.

    -- Unruffled
     
  20. tiny_tim
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    tiny_tim Proudly Chaste

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    Check the Prostate

    I am sorry to hear that he cannot remain under your control while at work. My experience is that, despite my best intentions, if I have the access, I will play games to try to "edge" myself just enough, which leads to being just a little too much and I have a bad accident.

    No you cannot tell by the condition of his testicles whether he is being honest. But I do believe that you can inspect his prostate with a high degree of certainty. It will remain pronounced and swollen if he has remained chaste and will be deflated if he has strayed. I also think it would be quite erotic for him to submit to before and after inspections. And even if you are not able to tell using this method, he may believe that you can just enough to keep him honest. tim
     
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