Boring

Discussion in 'Introductions' started by JJR, Sep 2, 2010.

  1. JJR
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    JJR Interested

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    As I say boring.

    I have very little to contribute.

    I am not locked, though have been on line commanded - and I obeyed - to lock by some Mistresses here.

    My W is not into this at all, big time, but she does keep me attached to her skirts.

    I enjoy dreaming the dream, which is why I am often in chat room and foolishly follow leads elsewhere.

    I found my way here through the usual trailing of fetish sites, I think it might have been SweetChastity but not sure as when i went to check that seems to be quite moribund.

    I am enthralled by the idea of being locked, collared pierced......

    dunno what more to say, I can be quite lively in open chat.

    Perhaps I can find some photos of my experiments and then work out how to post them.

    jjr
     
  2. Mistress Michelle
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    Mistress Michelle Magical Mistress

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    Dont feel bad JJR, many here live the fantasy through Mansion. It is a shame that some will never be able to actually live out thier fantasies, but then again ya never know what the future holds.
    Just enjoy your friendships here and all that Mansion has to offer and dream. Never hurts to dream, and who knows ;)

    Mistress Michelle
     
  3. Spike's Bitch
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    Spike's Bitch Member

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    Well our sex life was quite plain/boring for 8-9 years and no way would my wife do any of the things we do now. Sucks but the only way I know of to chance things requires a lot of dedication, hard work and communication by the man.

    I first had to really submit to her in other aspects of our relationship before Mistress Spike became interested in becoming sexually dominant and more... what is the word... slutty? :D

    But it took months to break my stubborn dominant behaviour and plenty of marriage counseling.

    And it is still a work in progress (but a satisfying one).
     
  4. JJR
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    JJR Interested

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    Thank-you for your words of encouragement, by the way love the cat.
     
  5. JJR
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    JJR Interested

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    I'll give a fuller reply tomorrow, just I was directed back here from the chat room, this is fun i appreciate what you are saying.
     
  6. Mistress Spike
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    Mistress Spike Slettebak

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    Welcome JJR!

    I was seriously hesitant to the idea of chastity, it sounded way too kinky! But as Spike's Bitch said, he submitted to me before to open me up to the idea and I loved the control I had of not only his life, but I had my own life back. After a few days of that I was hooked! Ha!

    That is our cat Nemo...I believe there is a Slave Nemo on the board here somewhere as well! :)
     
  7. JJR
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    JJR Interested

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    Mistress Spike & Spike's Bitch

    Thank-you for your words of encouragement, I certainly know that it takes a lot of hard work and communication, as does any relationship.

    I have been constantly dropping hints and bringing allusions to fetishistic things into our conversations. Things have been more awkward for me of late, due to the economic environment my business has taken a bashing, W's hasn't, so my position is weakened.

    Sad to say W doesn't even like "Worship" although very recently I was so close to making that work for her. I am sure that if I succeeded there and was able to demonstrate that bringing her pleasure in that way gives me pleasure, I would make a huge leap forward.

    Of late W has confused chastity with celibacy and sees the Irish priests scandal as evidence of unnatural behaviour caused by chastity, I have tried to explain that a paedophile is a paedophile whether a priest or not.

    I did once visit a pro-domme, (nothing to do with this site, before anyone screams hypocrite)where I was locked and sexually tormented, that was mind blowing and confirmed my desires. However I emphasise the once.

    Anyway, I shall steadily persevere in my quest and maybe one day show W a book I have that hopefully will explain things in her terms, but I have to choose the moment.

    In the meantime I shall continue to enjoy the good company and warm atmosphere here, and the outrageous captions!!

    jjr
     
  8. Mistress Watchful
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    Mistress Watchful Dont believe the hype ;oP

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    You may not have meant what you typed here, but what I read from that comment was "I'm trying to encourage her into the D-type role, the kinky stuff, without allowing her to get used to the idea of chastity first".

    It sounds like you've been chatting a lot to people here in the chatroom, so what I am saying may already have been said to you.

    Some people use chastity without any form of D/s or S/m, as an enhancement to their sex life, an extended form of foreplay.

    Maybe forget about encouraging her to be a Domme and try and help her see the benefits of chastity to your sex life without the other kinky bits. I can assure you it will grow from there.

    I was sub when pet brought the chastity idea to me, and I was not a happy bunny! 4 years later I am the sadist of his nightmares... which causes us a heck of a lot more problems than you would imagine.

    Good luck, keep at it, keep chatting, and be patient.
     
  9. Jimi123
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    Jimi123 Senior Member

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    I'm curious to hear more about the people using Chastity without D/s or S/m and very pleased to hear its not a myth. I've pondered how most relationships start. The women has the (total) power over orgasm unless the guy is a rapist. She decides if and when he can. She might even decide he can please her but not allow intercourse. This is that period where the guy is keen to do things to please her and he is probably doing many things that make her happy. She then makes him really happy by agreeing to move the relationship to a mutually orgasmic level. They say "Familiarity breeds contempt" and maybe when the need to please her before you get what you want is gone? Its all gaining weight, smoking cigars, watching TV and sex that for her must be rather (Lets just get this OVER with!)

    Is at least part of what this "can" be about?

    I understand some people are really more into other subtopics. Being Femed or humiliated. Bondage and domination, hotwifing, cuckolding etc etc etc etc and etc.

    I think the kind of scenario I was hoping for was to reset that clock back to the "dating" era and give her back the control and no doubt the need on my part to make her happier.

    Sadist of his nightmares?!?! Reset Reset Reset! ;-)

     
  10. js11756
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    js11756 Senior Member

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    In reality, chastity is whatever people want it to be. It is a kink, that plays well in many other kinks,such as D/s relationships, femminzation, etc.
    Spanking is another such kink. Some people just like to be spanked. Some want their dominant partner to do it to them. So want it done while tied up or dressed in leather.

    What is your kink?
    That is a serious question. Does the concept of chastity turn you on? If not, move along, it is not going to work for you.

    If it is a turn on for you, and if she finds the concept appealing then set down some rules and play. See what effect it has on you and your emotions.


    js
     
  11. Spike's Bitch
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    Spike's Bitch Member

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    JJR,

    How about you start by giving up your own orgasm when you have sex with your wife.
    Simply give her the pleasure she wants and tell her you want her to kick you off when she is done.
    Afterward make sure you tell her how enjoyable it was for you to fully focus on her pleasure alone.
    And then leave it at that, don't pressure her into to much communication about it.

    Continue doing this and avoid watching any kind of porn or masturbation if you can.
    Or learn to give yourself a ruined orgasm so you don't 'dip down' in interest of serving her.

    Then start helping her around the house and whatever else she would find helpful.
    If she is vacuuming, grab the vacuum out of her hand and tell her to go and relax and you'll take over.
    Make her breakfast.

    DO NOT (critical) discuss sex at all. Even when she asks or confronts you.
    Simply say that you feel it is "about time" you started being a better husband and put some of her needs first.


    Now...you are going to have to continue this for a few weeks at least. Maybe even a few months.
    (My journey lasted about 5-6 months before I even showed Mistress Spike pictures of chastity devices)

    I didn't have an orgasm for many months. Not even sex. Just serving my wife around the house.
    When we did have sex, it was only for her, her pleasure and orgasm. I never got to orgasm.
    And still barely ever get to, except for regular ruined ones (because I go insane from hornyness if I dont at least get those :( )

    But women are much smarter then us men. Even though they may not say anything, in there heads they assume you are doing this for some kinky sex and its going to take weeks/months of dedication to prove you truly want to be her submissive and that its not just about sex.

    It requires a lot of self control with a woman that had suppressed her sexuality/slutty side for many years. Any mention of sex (other then that you want to solely focus on her pleasure and not your own) is extremely risky in the early weeks and can set you back many weeks!

    Its ok to masturbate in the meantime, but only give yourself ruined orgasm because as a man you simply cannot 'fake' the change in behavior and energy that comes along with being denied orgasms. At least I cannot fake it. I am either 100% in the mode to serve mistress or I am 100% NOT in the mood.
    (Hence I haven't received a full orgasm in weeks)

    So by communication and hard work I did not mean for you to 'drop subtle hints of chastity' into the conversations with your wife. She will defeat you 10x in those types of mental games because woman are much better at that. I meant for you to communicate about her needs and wants. And by hard work I meant vacuming! LOL :)

    Good luck.
     
  12. JJR
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    JJR Interested

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    Mistress Watchful

    Whilst I have been active in the chat room I can't say there have been many times when conversations have been as direct as this, or as informative.

    Most chats are just that.

    However I do listen to what is being said by those who are locked and beyond welcoming the replies on this thread I might troll around a bit more and look for other tips.

    jjr
     
  13. JJR
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    JJR Interested

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    Spikes Bitch

    Wow, Thank-you, a lot to assimilate there.

    I do appreciate you taking the time to give me such a full narrative.

    I might differ from you on certain aspects simply because I know some of what works with my W.

    Your suggestion I do more around the house, would be met with absolute horror and suspicion verging on resentment, In her eyes I am the breadwinner while she does the housework, which is crazy because at the moment her work is more lucrative than mine, but she wants my business to succeed so she doesn't have to work.

    But you weren't to know that and it doesn't invalidate your observations based on your own experience.

    The bulk of what you say is intriguing and again I Thank-you for the time taken to write. I will probably - no certainly- have to re-read it a few times to pick out what I can readily apply and then build on that with the rest of your thoughts.

    However I am mindful of us being different people and have to "choose the best bits"

    Ta jjr

    BTW where is the vacuum cleaner?
     
  14. JJR
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    JJR Interested

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    Spikes Bitch

    One question immediately springs to mind, see I said I would re-read your missive.

    What is a failed orgasm?

    jjr
     
  15. Jimi123
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    Jimi123 Senior Member

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    The focus seems to be on giving up male "orgasm" and accepting that male orgasm creates a guy with a bad attitude. I hope that is not true! Because unless being milked is a lot better then I think it is I would prefer the good old fashioned fucking. ;-)

    Doing laundry and cleaning the house is all well and good but I don't know how many points this will buy me since I'm already doing a great deal of that.

    We both have done the "focus (or is it Fucksus??) on the others pleasure and in truth is probably how we most often make love. Taking turns. I'm really curious how you make love for 5 to 6 months without ever climaxing and she didn't say anything or notice?

     
  16. Mistress Spike
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    Mistress Spike Slettebak

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    A ruined orgasm is when a man ejaculates, but the orgasm is painful or unsatisfactory. I usually make him stop jerking just before he orgasms and then I harshly tap his balls so that it hurts. This lets him release fluid and helps him maintain his arousal because it wasn't satisfying.
     
  17. Celtic Queen
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    Celtic Queen Senior Member

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    I've found that the whole D/S Femdom thing in our relationship to be a postive feedback loop. The more submissive he is, the more dominant I feel and behave. As we live in the real world, we aren't in this mode 24 /7 and to be honest, I doubt it would work for us that way. I've noticed over time that my hub's submission is quite cyclical - and as a result, my dominance is too. I guess it's a healthy adaptive mechanism that stops us escalating into a destructive power struggle as we are both alpha types out there in the real world.

    JRR - you need to amend your expectations somewhat if you want to move into this lifestyle - you need to have balance with your wife rather than a set of expectations of her and that takes a lot of observation and communication to adapt to the way that you both want to live your life. My observation is that the successful couples posting on here haven't taken a perscriptive list of BDSM practices and applied them text book style, they have evolved what suits them and their relationship - applied some and discarded others. Ultimately, (in my view) your submission is not about getting your kinks met by your wife, it is about serving her in whatever way she sees fit and gaining your sexual "kicks" from that. Nothing boring about that!

    Good luck.
     
  18. susie q
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    susie q Dear friend of the Mistress Michelle clan

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    Some very great advice has been added and i would like to add abit also,maybe not advice but the downside of some things.My ex i'm using as an example although somewhat kinky could never get a grip on the idea of chastity nor the submissive crossdressing side of me (we we're together for 31 years)and lord knows i tryed every angle their was with no sucsess,but i feel maybe your wife like many women or men for that matter just may never either,i hope thats not the case for you but something you may have to realize.You said you saw a pro domme and got a taste of the sweet life and i know it fuels the fire and maybe your wife would let you do that on a leash so to speak and begin to see the benefits of a chaste male other than the weirdness as some see it,but i wish you the best of luck in your journey,it just takes time and alot of patience :)
     
  19. susie q
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    susie q Dear friend of the Mistress Michelle clan

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    Ps i think i need to add this...our divorce had little or nothing to do with my lifestyle or feelings towards things it just happened and i'm not trying to bring you down or lose any hope my friend,as things turned out i have a wonderful relationship with Mistress Michelle and wonderful pet although not live in and somewhat long distance it's a wonderful thing so theirs always light at the end of the tunnel ;)
     
  20. JJR
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    JJR Interested

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    I hadn't realised how true Donald Rumsfeld was being when he said there are unkown unknowns. This is beyond opening my eyes, and also a bit confusing, each of us is special.
     
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