I have two hard questions, all the way on the bottom, but I need to explain everything first. I dont know if this is the right place, bull ill try. I am male and married and I have a dominant personality (I like making decisions, etc..). My wife is more of a listener with only a small dominant streak and she comes from a very conservative background. However, I have seen times (ill explain later) where I have seen her dominant streak flare up. Deep down, I believe that our relationship would be much better (not that there really is something wrong now). If she would take control. I do not mean in the sense of femdom where she abuses the husband, rather that she should be making the important decisions, or that I should be focusing on her needs over mine, etc… Sort of along the lines of a D/s but without the pain for the sake of pain. I do understand that sometimes pain may be necessary as a punishment of some sort, but not because “hey its fun, lets cause pain”. The reason why I believe it will be best if she would take control is that I think our marriage would be happier, and I also really believe that she is a better person then me especially at making decisions. I also have a temper. I believe if she will take over, and I truly accept that, then I wont be able to get angry at her because she is in charge and her rule is the law. The problems are as follows. • She comes from a more conservative background, so in her mind, the man is supposed to be the head of the house hold. • Most type of punishments that I have shown in from online, she said that she would not be able to respect me if she gave them. • With 3 kids, she says she does not have the energy to try, she said it will be like having a 4th child (I tried explaining the long term benefits, but she just doesn’t have the energy) However, I have seen her dominant side sometimes flare up. For example, when in bed we have played with me being tied down, she really enjoys having her way. So the question is what is the best way to go about this. We have spoken about it a few times and she always seems interested, but it just never really takes off mainly because she just doesn’t have the energy. The second harder question is, that like I mentioned in the beginning, I have a strong dominant side. What is the best way for me to “break” it. I know using the word “break” seems drastic/dramatic, but I don’t think just softening it up will help, because one time we tried it before, and I would shrug off sometimes when I was told what to do, and then when I got punished, I treated it like a joke. I did not take it really seriously. So I think I have to go to the step of actually completely breaking my dominant streak. I really want to try it, but I don’t know what is the best way. Remember, though any suggestion that would cause it that my wife will lose her respect of me, she wont go for. Thank you
Some people are the way they are for a reason. Your wife sounds like she's in touch with who she really is and doesn't want to chance. What you're doing is called topping from the bottom. My best suggestion is to talk to her, but don't beat a dead horse. If you truly are submissive, when she says, "No," you'll accept that and relish it.
So she is tired from looking after you all. So start there. Take on as many of the house hold chores as possible . Big time no nights out with the boys no sitting in front of tv . So learn to cook properly do all the washing up and put it away neatly. do all the washing and ironing put it all away. Tidy and hover the whole house till it sparkles. Do the shopping not just your beer and stuff. Make serious time for her learn how to give a good none sexual massage learn how to do her nails. In bed she cums first several times . I tried unsuccessfully it must be said to introduce a score sheet system so my wife could mark out of ten how I did on cleaning and stuff this to be carried forward into a punishment for poor performance. Ultimately I wanted a maid out fit but in a similar wzy you have kids about the place and my nosey neighbours some sort of practical uniform based on shortish shorts and tee shirt maybe more feminine than boys . Xx wendy
I might suggest a few things; First do not forget Sarah J's book and emails etc. ...but you could start here; http://www.5-food-groups.com/ Remember this too - If you let her have control, you can still make decisions. The key is she has authority and you submit and give her that authority. Being submissive to her does not make you weak or worthless, get the male mindset of "femdom" out of this picture. While it is LOADS of fun and absolutely amazing, it sounds like those are things your wife does not want. That's ok, remember that punishment and funishment are not as useful as rewards.
Ultimately you can't make a person be something they don't feel comfortable being. Depending on how you do things at the moment, maybe you could start by doing some housework,or give your wife a "night off" once a fortnight or month (depending on finances etc) where she can go out with friends and be herself instead of wife and mum and let her hair down and relax, maybe cook surprise dinner or arrange baby sitters so you can both go for a meal once in a while. Don't make a big thing if doing any or all of these things (or make a sudden chage and do all of it at once) do it gradually and maybe,just maybe, your wife might start to like the idea of being more dominant. Either way your wife will enjoy some deserved time to herself and you both will enjoy couple time. Your wife already knows about your desires and wishes, please don't keep bugging her about them, just do some of these things and more if it's possible because you want to help and please her and see where things go from there.
lookingforguidance Twice in your comments, you refer to your wife having no energy. Why is this? Are you not helping with the domestic duties or rearing of your children, or are there medical problems. It's impossible to give guidance without knowing the full facts.
having worked 12hour plus days, then getting home and then doing my share of the remaining housework, cleaning up after dinner, tidying the house, hoovering, homework etc, and a stint as a house husband, a wife and mothers lot is not an easy one.
Please let's not jump on the posters back. We don't know the full facts about their relationship and myself and others have given him some pointers which will help his wife out and make for a happier relationship all round whether or not she becomes his Domme and I hope he takes on board the advice given to him . I have vanilla friends who refuse to let their partner help them with household duties "because It's not a man's job" ( their words not mine) and when they did try and help "they didn't do it right so I had to do it again myself" (again not my words and when I put it to them that given time he will get it right I was told "he will never get it right because I don't want my man doing that stuff") . I hope he will be able to help his wife out and make things easier for her and ultimately him because his wife won't be so tired etc