This is the start of my journal, I had a lengthy intro written, and then lost it when my browser re-started, so this might be a bit shorter than planned. I'll try to add smaller updates instead of putting everything into one long intro Starting from the beginning, which is going back around 2.5 years.... I 47M met my current partner 46F, and we started slow, meeting for coffee, and then dinner, and so on. As we both had people at home that made it inconvenient to meet at each others place, we would always meet outside. While we would get pretty handsy, the public nature somewhat limited how far things went (sexually), but eventually we sorted out the home issues, and that made things much easier. Immediately we then hit a second issue, which was that she was concerned about my size, and whether it would "fit". She wanted to take some time to follow her doctors advise, which was to "practice" with steadily increasing sized dildos. So, add some more time before our early PIV attempts, which always ended in her experiencing a lot of discomfort, even though she would pretend it was all fine. Over time, we moved in together, but ended up mostly avoiding all intimacy, for me, I knew that intimacy would lead to PIV which would lead to her pain, and I guess same from her side also. Fast forward to early this year, and she needed to go overseas to look after family for a month, she was back for 2 months, and then needed to go for another 2 months. Before she left the second time, we discussed this, and agreed we need to solve the intimacy issue or else the relationship just wouldn't survive, and this meant either solving the pain during PIV. During this time, I started investigating FLR's, and considered to suggest this as a way forward. I know she always makes good decisions, often better than me, and I figured giving her more control over the relationship and especially how, what, when, the physical aspects were handled might help. Except, then I realised that with her jealousy, she would be more inclined to misuse that control for her own benefit rather than both of our benefits. So, I was left looking for another option, and came across chastity. To me, it would solve the PIV issue (since it's locked up, then PIV is not an option), and it might also help with the jealousy issue (again, locked, can't cheat) without restricting me from spending time with friends. Finally, it might also help me avoid wasting so much time on watching porn. So I ordered 2 options from AliExpress, both were very cheap, one was a plastic cage, and the second was a metal cage with vertical "bars". The plastic one arrived first, and I tried it out, wearing it for around 2 days before taking it off and well, watching porn. After a short break, I tried out the metal one, and wore that for a while, I would take it off every 2nd day to go to the gym, and put it back on straight after. Removing it in the car, and putting it back on again in the car, in this way avoiding the temptation to "play" while it was off. Except, after around a week, I took it off and was bleeding from the shaft, on the "underside" about an inch from the base of the shaft. So I spent the next couple of weeks without, but I did start the discussion with my partner who was still overseas. I provided the benefits (from her point of view) which were mainly improving intimacy, improving my attention to her, removing solo porn / masturbation, removing the chances for physical cheating, and of course, removing the option for PIV and pain. I then shared an article or two, and talked about the actual method of getting these benefits. Surprisingly, she was very accepting of the idea, and push back was mostly around avoiding causing pain for me, or being "unfair" to me, etc. After discussing for a few days, we agreed to go ahead and give it a try when she returned, and bought another metal cage. Since I preferred the metal due to what I felt more easily kept clean, and also the weight seemed a bit preferable, and the existing one was too long for me, and that made it too obvious to wear out. The new one had multiple "rings" that were connected underneath the shaft, and of course was shorted. We discussed and agreed to some simple rules after she returned: 1) She would control when the cage was removed 2) We would remove the cage weekly for cleaning, preferably with her supervision 3) I could ask to remove the cage at any time, but as per rule 1 she did not need to agree Afterwards, I made sure to focus on her a lot, both physically and emotionally, throughout the day, and the evenings. I would always try to go down on her and make sure she was happy and satisfied, and she would tease me but there was no cum, and no removing of the cage. Intimacy was through the roof, we were both very happy, and things were going perfectly. Slowly, over the week she got more confident, and more comfortable, and I steadily encouraged her to take the key, or at least hide it from me which she eventually did do. Got to go out now, but I'll be sure to add what happened next later.
So as I mentioned, we did have a lot of intimacy, kisses, cuddles, and plenty of oral and touching etc through the week. We both work from home and live together, hence plenty of time. One afternoon, I even started getting things pretty heated, and we ended up in bed for an hour instead of working (never happened before). I was applying normal body moisturiser all over the balls and shaft trying to ensure that especially the skin touching the cage was kept "slippery". I would sometimes feel like something was getting "caught" from time to time, like a pinching feeling, and the moisturiser/slippery would help avoid that. Also, last time when I removed it and found the infury, I felt it might have happened in the moment of removing it, and it was due to the skin "sticking" to the cage. However, no matter all of that, almost exactly the same result. On the agreed night for the weekly cleaning, she gave me the key, and I removed the cage. This time, there was a lot more blood, and it seemed to be in pretty much the exact same spot. Bottom of the shaft, about an inch from the base of the shaft. On this cage, this would be the "solid" part where all the rings are welded together. While the cage is smooth to the touch, if you apply enough pressue, you can definitely feel some edges/roughness, and also it wasn't possible to get moisturiser into this part of the cage since it is all solid. So, probably one or both of these are the cause. So, we figured it was not possible to continue wearing the cage, and it has now been just over a week with no cage. Intimacy has definitely died off already, partially she said she doesn't want to get me excited which would get me hard, and cause the bleeding to start again. Though now it has stopped "weeping" and does seem mostly healed, there is a small "scab" still there. We did discuss trying again, and perhaps trying a different cage to see if that might be the solution. So last week, she did some research for local shops that sell/advertise cages, and we went to two in the one night after work. The first, we ended up talking with the lady in the shop, who really didn't seem to be knowledgable about the cages at all, but she was happy to help us take them out of the packets and get a closer look and feel of the various offerings. For the most part these were either the same cheap AliExpress style metal cages, or plastic cages which were too small for me. We also discussed selecting a soft/flexible type, and that this might work better to avoid injury since they tend to be perfectly smooth inside. The shop lady said they would order more in, and to consider coming back in two weeks. She did have one piece of advise which was to use lubricant instead of moisturiser, as a certain type of lubricant would not get absorbed by the skin, and would not dry out, so it should work as a lubricant for as long as I wear the cage (ie, it will last long term). So this is one other possible improvement, though the lube is not suitable for the flexible plastic cages. My other thought was to try to add some sort of padding to cover the welded portion of the cage, but the fear here is that the padding makes the cage even smaller, and the edges of the padding might themselves cause some issue. Related to this could be applying a band-aid (plaster) to the shaft in the exact spot the injury happened, and then put the cage on. This could be enough padding, and/or prevent any rubbing etc. Aside from the fact that all the options in the shop were not the right size or type as to what we wanted, they were also very expensive. The metal ones on AliExpress might be around $10, while these were around $70. Except, my partner is definitely frugal, so she suggested that we could order something online, get it delivered to her friend (in China), and when her friend comes here they could bring it with them. While I don't see much difference in paying $10 or $5, it is likely the friend would get it here quicker than waiting for the delivery, so I was a bit happpier with that idea. Only there was more, it was a friend of a friend, actually. So, lets call her friend Inga, who lives in China, but is currently staying in our city, we met up with her for dinner recently. To make sure that there were no surprises, my partner wanted to tell Inga what we are getting, just in case customs etc had any issues, or the friend opened the package. Didn't want it to be suspicious that we are asking them to bring something illegal. I was pretty happy about this, in some way, I would like her to tell her friends that I am in chastity, it makes it somewhat more exciting. Anyway, they had some conversation, and I wasn't given all the details, but end result is that this is a no - go, since Inga's friend is very "conservative" and better to not involve her. So, where to next? This is the real question, and part of the reason I've finally posted my story. I don't know if it is "normal" to get those types of soreness/bleeding, or how to avoid it. Is a new device required? Is a new style or material the answer? Is it due to the cheap quality and the very slight roughness of the weld? Or have I just not done enough "homework" with measuring, and potentially needing a custom cage? My shaft has a diameter of 4cm, and a lot of cages seem to be smaller than this (3.5cm for example), so I don't know if I need to stick to a cage with a matching 4cm diameter? Or should it be smaller, or even bigger? I'd really like to hear from others that have managed long term chastity, did you have similar issues, and how did you solve them?
Just a quick update... we are going to give it another go, have now ordered a new cage silicon, so hopefully it will be better. Also ordered two more metal ones as I do like those better, so hopefully at least one of them will work. I'm mostly healed up now, so no long term effects. We went shopping with her friend Inga over the weekend, and I was interested if there might be any talk about this, but there were other people there as well, and nothing was said that I noticed. So for now, just eagerly waiting on the next delivery, ETA is October 10, but I'm hoping it arrives sooner....