The practice of male chastity was originally my idea and since introducing it to my wife, it has undeniably become an integral part of our relationship. It is without question the cornerstone of our daily romantic interactions and the catalyst and continuous influence behind all of the profoundly positive reactions we've both experienced as a couple. Submitting control over my sexuality to my wife is something I desire and taking control is something my wife is quickly becoming more and more fond of. With that said, there are times where I have what I refer to as "chastity regrets". I call them regrets because despite my ultimate desire of sexual submission, I have continuously experienced moments where I second guess my judgement, thinking what exactly did I get myself into or I wonder what it would be like to be a "regular" guy again. Allow me to explain. I'm a young man, 31, and I have a relatively high sex drive, even for men my age. Before chastity, I had never gone longer than 24 hours without masturbating. Women to me were just "hot babes" that served to satisfy my carnal desires, irregardless of their position or prominence in society. My wife was someone that in my mind had to give me sex anytime I desired. Chastity has changed all that! Now that I'm no longer able to masturbate away my sexual desires, I've been forced to channel them into ways that serve to respect and admire women for their physical and non-physical attributes, such as their hair, clothing, makeup, jobs, personality, etc. Intercourse with my wife became no longer a right, but rather a privilege that can be easily taken away. While the positive impacts that resulted from chastity are indisputable, I can't help but feel a bit jealous sometimes when I see my other young, male friends my age having sexual relations with beautiful women, fulfilling all of their sexual desires. I can't help but think that perhaps I'm too young, too handsome, and too physically fit of a man to have my sexuality, in its prime, locked away in some chastity device. It's times when my sexual frustration is at its highest that I begin to sometimes think that while any other man has the freedom to masturbate anytime they want, I'm forced to live in a very highly sexualized society with sexy images and women everywhere I go while being denied sexual release and denied even so much as an erection. Perhaps I underestimated the effects chastity would have on me when I so willingly relinquished control and didn't realize that chastity meant that while other men got to finish watching the sports game on television, I had to turn it off and go paint my wife's toenails instead because she demanded so and not doing so meant another week in chastity. That instead of sexually fantasizing and masturbating to any beautiful women I saw like most men do, I am forced to channel any sexual desire I do have into merely admiring that which I can't have. Don't get me wrong, I don't regret chasitity or take for granted any of the life changing benefits I've experienced as a result, it's just that I have periodic moments of weakness where if not for my wife now strongly desiring that I remain in chastity, I would have probably given in to my temptation on many occasions. My wife has taken such a liking to the effect that chastity has had on me that she has stated numerous times to me that she's like me to go a month between releases, that there's absolutely no way she'll let me go back to not being chaste and I seriously think it was cause a strain between us if I attempted to do so. That discipline she provides is actually what helps thwart those feelings of regret and ultimately reminds me that chastity is my true desire, regardless of how I might feel at any one point in time, and that chastity is now a permanent part of my relationship with my wife that I must learn to accept and acclimate to for the greater good of my marriage.
Great post, ChasteHubby2105! You have put into words what many of not most guys think about as they go through the introductory stages of male chastity! I can tell you that, for me at least, it did get easier over time as I refocused my energies on my Mistress, her needs and her desires.
I think you are really answering a lot of your own questions here but perhaps you just need encouragement and admiration from we here in the community. You do of course have a choice to get unlocked with or without her permission but you know that your experience of her as a locked husband is so much deeper and intense in so many ways that you will never rock the boat. Perhaps you should ask for a voluntary extension to help you get past these second thoughts. I doubt masturbation is really what you want for yourself or your relationship compared to the satisfaction that pleasing your wife can provide you with. Please know how envious I am of your position and think how proud you should be that she wants you and your devotion above all others. Please feel free to message me anytime you feel weak and I will happily "pump you up" (sorry - poor choice of words perhaps
CH 2015, Just as sight, hearing and the ability to think are a gift, so is our sexuality. Be who you really are and continue to serve your wife and your love will grow. Remember that she has needs too. When you polish her nails she puts her spell on you. If you don't have one, get a massage table and touch her. You will have many chances to bed her. Also, do not be ashamed that you do like to masturbatr sometimes. As your marriage endures you two will enter into many chapters of your lives. This chapter is for chastity, serving her and communication. Also remember that you are likely hard wired so that you feel the need to pay her for your pleasures. That payment il often paid by serving her (and sometimes you get lucky) and sometimes by simply enduring discomfort in her honor also known as doing penance for her. Hang in there and grow with her. Ss
Thank you DonnaSue. I appreciate your encouragement. I think you're absolutely correct, I should really try to stop wasting time thinking about what I can't have and focus on pleasing my wife and meeting all of her needs and desires, both in and outside of the bedroom.
@ChasteHubby2015 I would imagine your thoughts occur amongst many chaste husbands. Chastity is harder for some than others and if you can overcome these feelings to return your old ways then you should feel quite proud and be congratulated.
Thank you Steviepie for your words of encouragement. I don't think being unlocked is an option for me now because it wouldn't be fair of me to have introduced my wife to a concept that took her time and effort to adapt to and that she now really really likes, only to try and take it all away. One of the ways I convinced my wife of male chastity was by admitting to my masturbation habit and my desire to abstain from it for her. She is one of those women that absolutely hates the idea of a man masturbating and so naturally, she loved the idea that of using male chastity to curb my masturbation. We normally had sex about once a week on average, as she doesn't have as high of a sex drive as I do and she didn't like the idea of feeling compelled to give me sex or a hand or blow job in between just to keep me from viewing porn and masturbating - it was all just too stressful for her. She also realized how much more romantic and polite I was when I was chaste and now wants to keep me at no more than one release per month. I feel like the cat is already out of the bag at this point and there's really no going back now; besides, as you stated, deep down, I don't actually want to go back, it's kind of like an overweight husband who complains from time to time about the diet they're on, perhaps they want that cheeseburger momentarily, but deep down, he wants to stay on the diet for himself and for his wife. I think you're correct, these momentary periods of wanting to masturbate are really a small price to pay for the return I receive in pleasing my wife. I just had one of those moments while out to lunch at work today when I saw a pretty young woman walk past me to sit at an adjacent table. She was wearing skinny jeans and a crop top tshirt with an unbuttoned open sweater on top, giving me a view of her milky white midriff and belly button. I found her so incredibly sexy that I began to strain in my cage. It's at that point in time that I remembered that I needed to "stop fantasizing and start admiring". That's when my erection subsided and while I still really wanted her sexually, I was able to respectfully admire her beauty and fashion and move on from the situation. To sum things up, I now realize that at the end of the day, I want to please my wife as much as humanly possible, something that, honestly, is only achievable through the use of a chastity device. I guess I just have to stop comparing myself to the other young men my age and just accept the reality of the situation and how it's really for my own good.
I do give her full body massages and she will often allow me to pleasure her while remaining locked, so I see what you mean, I need to focus on deriving my pleasure from her pleasure.
Thank you Mistress B! Yes, perhaps it's my age and libido, but nevertheless, I realize it's still no excuse for whining or complaining. I do enjoy having a productive discussion such as this and feel such an enormous amount of pride to hear you congratulate and encourage me, it makes it well worth the sacrifice. Despite my momentary desires to masturbate, I never want to go back to the chauvinist macho I used to be. Thank you again Mistress B (bowing in your presence).
Be sure to drain your prostate gland every few days. Even if you were having intercourse or masturbating my belief is that it is vitally important to do so. There are many ways to do it. My best and only way is to use an ass hook with a ball on the end. Insert it rectally and using an anatomical chart and the feelings inside you, find your prostate and mash it by manipulating the eyelet end of the hook which is near your navel. The tender spot feels good and slightly painful at the same time. Mash until you express seminal fluid. Let your wife participate if she will. I am 63 and have a PSA of .4 and my dr says my prostate gland is soft when he checks it. I had benign orostatitis 3 times in my late 30s. Never had it again after I began massaging it! Ss
Ok, lets not call it topping from the bottom. Your wife asked you if you were going to cum tonight. Didn't you want to cum, but only with her permission? She gave - or might have given you permission if you had been truthful with her. She did broach the subject. That is a good thing. Try saying something like, "I would like to cum. Will you allow me to?" She didn't invite you to make love with her. She is your wife, man. Sometimes she wants you to cum because she knows you will sleep better and maybe she wanted to reward the day's good behavior. My wife has been known to give me the gift of telling me a demeaning bdsm story with me as the bottom as she rubs my sensitive nipples and I masturbate. Afterward she dissapears and returns with a warm wet wash cloth and wipes me up. This is her gift to me. Many mornings she bends me over the bed and gives me 10 or so hard swats on the bare butt. She usually says something like: That is in case you are bad today. Again, this is her gift to me. Everyone and every couple is different. Find your rythm. It might be close to your fantasy every so often. Be thankful! Regarding her having things on her mind - she likely has a lot on her mind. Love her for her love and her doing the best she can. Ss
Man, your first post hit home with me because pretty much everything you said has happened to my g/f and I. When I came to my g/f to confess my masturbation habit and offer her a chastity solution, she wasn't sure about locking me up. We tried it and she took to it and I don't think we will ever go back to me not wearing a device 24/7. She hated the thought of me masturbating so she loves keeping me locked up for that one reason alone. She wasn't expecting the increased devotion that I show toward her and that is pretty much the clincher for her to keep me locked up for as long as we are together. We are evolving into a FLR as she is taking more control of the most of the decisions and I love her for that. Like you, I still have strong urges to masturbate, but since I can't do anything about and I know that my g/f hates it, I have learned to channel that energy into other things. I think both you and i see there are many more positive things that come out of our state of chastity and at the end of the day, I bet neither of us would ever want to go back to the old way.
A great thread well written and stating things I would expect most of us who are locked to have. Especially as when adopted by your partner we simply lose control, yes willingly but that does not mean that it's great all the time. Wishing you all the best and thanking you for your insightful post.