Thoughts on my Chastity

Having gone through a BDSM online phase at the beginning of the internet. Just not satisfying. I personally do not understand how online chastity can work and from I have read all over the internet, the great majority of online chastity fails. Very few guys actually think women are superior to the point of giving up orgasms for them. It is exciting to play at chastity in the beginning. Heck, most of us get hard just trying to put the device on at the beginning.

However, without someone you love to give up orgasms for, once the novelty wears off, so does the chastity cage. I have chatted with several online Mistresses an I hear the same story all the time; the guy leaves if she does not do what he wants her to do. I like orgasms and give them up because my wife is not into guys as much as girls. She does not allow any form of penetration at all. She likes the kind of sex she had with her former girlfriend for most of our marriage. So for us, Chastity is a way to show our love for each other. We view it as a joint effort. We both know that I can easily cum inside of my chastity device by using a vibrator, moving the cage back and forth or simply by sticking a swab into an opening and rubbing my penis; yet I do not do it, ever after months of orgasm denial. I would never forgo my orgasms for a faceless stranger or even someone I had no physical relationship with.

For me, the edging and teasing are better than the 10 seconds of orgasm. I need someone near me to teases me in some way daily, if even to walk across the room naked or flashing her breasts at me. Once I had an online Mistress before my wife got a girlfriend who is dominant sexually with men. Turned out that the online Mistress was a man. That explains why "she" refused to Skype or even send me a picture of her lover half holding a current newspaper with my name written across it. If you cannot get some verification that your online key holder is a woman, run as fast as you can.

In any event, chastity with a loved one is a totally different experience than what you have had. I am not going to say it is better but it is different to the extent of bringing you closer to a loved one, becoming more intimate, seeing the pleasure that your keyholder has though your chastity and being able to be physically teased. There is no greater feeling than being edged for an hour and for some, pegging and being made to wear panties, etc.. So I agree with you, a physical relationship whether it be chastity, BDSM or most other sexual fetishes, is a whole different level of sexual pleasure.

 

I am not going to say online chastity is wrong, but I would say it is a totally different animal than having someone with you and present.

Online submission has come up here recently, mostly about the expectations.

I understand your feelings, I can imagine a hollow feeling from submitting to someone, who is only doing it for money or to placate your needs. I believe the same to be true even if you had a real life partner and you knew they were only doing it because you wanted them to.

I doubt your lack of physical contact is the problem, it's the realization that your online partners motivation is different from yours.

In the beginning I told my kh that
1. I can't suggest when or how long to be locked up, or every release would feel like I was in control or that she did it for me.
2. Although I will tell her what turns me on, I can't tell her what to do, say, or "make" me do. It loses its teeth if you say " alright now tell me I have to do this".
3. I won't like this if she doesn't like this. If I got a hint that she was doing this to let me live out secret fantasies, then the curtain would be pulled. I would find no enjoyment out of chastity if I knew it was just for me and the things we did didn't actually turn her on.

I don't mean to upset any online keyholders, I know some people do love them, but it reminds me of intimacy with a hooker. Yes they are doing what you wanted, yes it's exciting, and yes they even look like they are enjoying what they are doing. But take you know deep down that they are faking for either your benefit or theirs.

If this is the case, I doubt the online chastity route fits you, and are more likely to find a real partner that you can share your kink with, that also ACTUALLY into it. The great thing about the Internet is that it makes everything easier to find, every shaped hole has a peg to fill it.

 

Not having been in a long distance chastity relationship, I know that it cannot possibly compare to the intimacy and personal emotions that are part of a loving chastity relationship. Just the way She treats me, looks at me, teases me, tugs on my cage to reinforce her control, etc. simply are not possible in a long distance deal. It is part of our mutual love for each other and, as such, transcends any sort of indifferent, non-personal relationship. The fact that she was willing to sell you a pair of used panties tells me that you are with the wrong person who doesn't really care about you except as a source of income!

 

I find it sad that so many people somehow consider an online relationship a substitute for real life encounters. What ever happened to going out and meeting others in person? Maybe I'm just old and don't get it, but there's more to life then living out fantasies, or trying to replace human contact with a computer screen.

I'm glad you realize how empty and unfulfilling it can be before you became a never ending ATM. You seem to have a good head on your shoulders, you should put it to good use.

Go out and meet some likeminded people in the flesh, attend some kinky munches or functions, it's so much easier now then it was in the days before the Internet. The kink community is very welcoming, take your time, make friends first and the rest will take care of itself. If you make friends in the community, chances are good that eventually you will find someone who shares some of the same kinks you do.

I wish you the best of luck.

 

Moe5, along those lines, be sure to get on Fetlife.com , under "events' and look for munches in your area. Been to several and they are not at all intimidating. Everybody meets in a public place and each person introduces themselves by first name and their status (Top, Sub, Switch, etc) and there's usually a pre-defined topic explored and then just mingling and conversation. COmpletely non-threatening. As Nvrsaynvr63 said, you need to get out among kinky people. Here's how!

 

There are people who can do this chastity thing with an online Keyholder and there has been a very long and at times feisty discussion about just one example of an online Keyholder in the Mansion over the last few days. Apparently us lucky few who have partners involved can never understand what it is like for someone who is not in a relationship or is not with someone willing to use chastity within the relationship. I disagree, all I have to do is imagine what my life would be like without my Wife, and I don't like the way it makes me feel.

What I know is that I cannot imagine doing this without my Wife, but that I would continue to self lock if I was put into a position where it became necessary.

I hope that you have appositive experience at a munch, and soon. From what I understand they are great just for the relaxed way you can meet people who will not judge your kink like much of society would. As you have already terminated your online arrangement this would seem to be the next logical step. Just don't expect a Keyholder to jump out of the shadows immediately!