Opinions on setbacks

I am almost certain you are referring to my thread. In that case, you have already read about how i feel. Upset about the lying since i had to drill the information out of him - he would not give it up voluntarily, and also slightly hurt because of it. I find it very good that you would actually voluntarily tell your KH if you screwed up. Even though he screwed up, I do not want to stop chastity - as it is fun and enhances our already great relationship. I hope your KH would feel the same way.

 

I am pretty sure my guy feels the same way as you do. When locked, he is extremely attentive and doting. Unlocked, he still is, but to a lesser degree since he doesn't have anything to "work" for.

 

Ive said it before, ill say it again. It's all about WHY. Why do you do chastity? If its because of an addiction to porn and a daily masturbation habit that is ruining your relationship, then yes, I would imagine any sane KH would be extremely upset if you cheated on the one thing that was helping hold you relationship together. But if none of those things are true, the stakes are a little lower, and id expect the reaction to be more measured. Just my .02

 

I think it is a valid option, and the ultimate punishment, for your partner to choose - if you can't abide by the rules or spirit of your agreement, then why play at all?
I think most would start with some punishment or act of repentance and escalate to something more severe, but ultimately, if the infractions continue, the nuclear option to pull the plug and stop playing altogether is usually not the first option. Question is, are you willing to call her bluff? She definitely has your attention.

 

It entirely depends on the relationship. With a wife and husband, a lapse can be discussed and sorted out, hopefully. With a subbie that is accepted by a key-holder and has broken the trust, it's entirely different.

 

There was a two month period when I was unlocked. At times my mistress has trouble sleeping and often she'll go into another bedroom so she can read or do something that might help her her sleep without waking me. On a few different occasions I broke down and did the deed. Like a week or so later we were discussing chastity because at that point I could be locked up again and she asked me if had been a good boy over the last 2 months. I thought about lying but then I sheepishly admitted to what I had done. I thought maybe she'd just get irritated and want to use that knowledge to her advantage and make me pay for it. What she ended up telling me, which was pretty much the same as what @Thatgirl said, and that was that she was hurt. I could see it in her face too. I felt really bad and in ways it did set us back as she didn't feel as in control. Like @Thatguyontheinternet mentioned, I asked for chastity because of my porn watching and masturbation habits that I wanted her help to stop and help improve out relationship at the same time (obviously the kink side of it as well). So by masturbating she took that as me saying "I don't care about our relationship and what we've started" and that's what hurt.

I can see how for others when their mistress catches them masturbating it would just play into their bedroom play with punishment etc... I think most males in chastity have this mindset and in a way hope they get "funishment" for it, instead the punishment is emotional and sets back what they have both worked up too.

 

The initial response for me was feeling and stating my disappointment. My husband wants me to be the dominant and engage in FLR, this is work and a role I fulfill. That said, this means he has a role to fulfil as well.
Our life together in our D/s relationship is first as husband and wife. I see that making mistakes is part of being human. I punish him as part of the sexuality of it not to ruin the connection. So long story short answer. We recover and start over and I levy some kind punishment that usually reminds him why chastity is so awesome.
If he broke the rules regularly or lied to me about it that would be different and he would risk the ultimate punishment which is, no more chastity for him and we return to regular non-fetish life. That is the worst threat I can make.

 

He's been locked since I wrote the original post....it's awesome to see him all puppyishand wanting.

 

While I would hope @Nicoftimewouldn't try to deceive me and would openly confess that he had orgasm edging without me, I can say that I would be hurt. Now, of course, the situation is key to my reaction. If it were accidental and he told me right away, I would be less likely to end and more likely to punish to deter the behavior. If I found out it was something he's done more frequently, I would likely tell him that we were done playing. As much as I like D/s, it would lose some of the appeal if he was doing what he wanted while I worked to tease and deny.

 

As I have been reading this thread, I thought about my own reaction to my husband having an orgasm without my knowledge/permission. Before answering, I guess I have to explain a little bit about our situation. I choose not to keep my husband in constant "lock up". If fact, I mostly only lock him up when I am away at work (flight attendant, usually gone for 3 days at a time, but as few as 1 day, up to as long as 6 as well). When I'm home, I will usually lock him up before he leaves for his office or golf or the gym etc. but not always. I keep him guessing. We have a very active sex life and male chastity is just a part of it.

For a long time I was under the assumption that if he was locked up in his cage he couldn't have an orgasm. One night we were talking and he confessed to me that he figured out he can come if he's really horny and he holds our Magic wand tightly against his cage for several minutes. I was surprised to say the least; even a little upset. I didn't like the feeling of loosing that control I had of deciding if and when he could come. He did go on to say that it wasn't a great orgasm but did bring some relief. I went on to quiz him how often he uses it and if any of our other vibrators work as well. He assured me that only the magic wand works because it is so much more powerful than the others. I didn't really get a straight answer on how often, he only said, "once in a while".

I was curious and wanted to see what it was like for him. While we were laying in bed one evening, I made him put on his cage. I was dressed in a red and black teddy and black panties (his favorite). I teased him for a while, made him go down on me and then told him to get the Magic Wand. He did assuming I wanted it for me. At this point he was throbbing in his cage and very aroused. I told him I wanted to see him come in his cage using the Magic Wand. He was surprised but did as he was told. I had him show me how he did it and then I held it tightly against the bottom of his cage until he came. I could see he had to really concentrate and when he did come it didn't look as satisfying as usual. However, he was still able to come none-the-less.

I wasn't really mad at him; after all it was him that introduced me to male chastity in the first place. He could always just say that he doesn't want to play the "chastity" game thing anymore if he wanted to. However, I was mad at the fact that I had lost full control over him; that I could no longer be 100% certain that he wasn't able to come without me and my key.

After stewing about it for several days, I came up with a few solutions. I decided I could just take the Magic Wand on my trips with me. Occasionally, it would be nice to have but I didn't really want to take it with me every time. (I don't really want TSA thinking, "there goes that FA that takes her vibrator with her every time she flies"). I did imagine sending videos to my husband of me using it on myself while he was locked up at home and I was in my hotel room. Then I came up with this idea (see pic below). The almost perfect solution. (He can always go and buy another one, but that might get expensive after a while when I keep locking them up. He did promise me he wouldn't buy another one.)

Before I left on my last trip I took this picture after placing a lock on the plug end of the vibrator.

Happy again, back if FULL control.

 

I guess what I really wanted to say but didn't do so above is this... I personally don't feel offended, hurt or betrayed if my husband is able to have an orgasm without my permission. In fact, I want him to want to try (but not be able to). I think it adds to his frustration and it is his frustration that brings me more power over him. But most importantly what I want is perfect assurance that I can prevent him from coming if I want to. I guess I kind of like the idea of him getting so horny he can't even control himself... only the cage can and the key holder of that locked up cage. His weakness or lack of self-control is my power.

Hope this all makes sense.

 

Research only, @Nicoftime?

 

Uh oh! Someone's in trouble!!!!!