Chastity on Her Terms For Her Wants

If she only wants to get her pleasure from PIV sex, including chastity is going to be challenging. You mentioned that she can't have sex for a little while right now, so you're using your cage to control yourself, but what happens when that issue is done with and she can have sex again? How will you ever escape the refractory period if you're always having sex?

 

Great post @Contained I think what you’ve described has been the aha moment for many couples to making chastity work.

 

THIS:

That's so important, and as you have discovered, when both of you understand that, the whole dynamic changes for the better, for both of you.

 

Very enlightening post. It may not be the chastity + femdom fantasy most of us have, but it is romantic. It is not orgasm denial, just masturbation denial. You can (presumably) cum as many times as her, during PIV sex, but you will not have any fun without her. Maybe over time she gets used to the cage and will entertain your fantasies more, such as not letting you cum during sex and locking you up until next time (assuming you can control yourself during sex). I am in a similar situation as you myself, my wife doesn't like femdom and doesn't like oral sex or vibrators or even masturbation, it has to be PIV for her. I think you make some great points here.

 

Great post @Contained.

I'm always surprised that more women aren't upset at how frequently their husbands masturbate and at the effect male masturbation has on marital intimacy. When the erection and ejaculation occur only to benefit US or BOTH we husbands begin to see how closed off we've been, how masturbating gives us a special room we can visit and lock her out of, and how visiting that room alone reduces your attentiveness and awareness of her when you're with her.

 

Your situation is very close to mine and we have been going at it for almost five years. What has not changed for us is she still loves PIV sex and no interest denying me because it also denies her. She loves that she is in control of when we have sex and loves it because I am always ready when she wants it. She has also said there is no way I am going to be able to masturbate again because it makes me horrible in bed and she really loves PIV when it is saved for her.

 

I think the answer is that most people don't realize there are any negative side effects, I know I didn't. I can see it now but couldn't then.

 

I'm pretty sure that I was aware of the obvious negative effects of masturbation. And I definitely was aware of the negative effects of cheating with other women. My sense of entitlement was pretty horrible though. But I never had a physical issue masturbating (or fucking) 1-2x a day and then coming home to have sex at night with her ... it was the emotional aspects that I was stealing from her.

A chastity regime does seem to address the entitlement issue quite effectively. And we both like the results.

 

Same here - my boyfriend is more attentive to me when he hasn’t gotten himself off. I appreciate him saving himself for me.

 

For me, chastity has always been on her terms for her wants. It was my madam who discovered male chastity, and insisted on it and enforced it to be a 24/7 condition of our FLR/BDSM life style.

 

Contained, I think you have found what most of us really want. We get caught up in the fantasy of our wives becoming what we see in those memes, but its not what most women want nor what most men want. Will we ever find a woman who wants her husband to NOT save himself for her? Our wives seem to have the same view, mine said "if chastity is for the kink I'm not interested", but she is very interested in me saving myself for her, loves all the side effects, and understands why I need the cage.

Yes, this is where Im at as well, I dont need her to become some sort of teasing sadistic woman. Basking in the emotions that I get from romancing/pursuing and allowing her sexual freedom in our relationship has become my satisfaction. One thing I think scares most men is the reality that if they practice chastity like you are sex will likely be far less than they want, I'm realizing my wife is a once maybe twice a month gal. Yours?

Yes, I would be proud to explain! I'm not sure I'd be brave enough.

 

When i gave up ctrl of my manhod to her n pas her d key.. it has been on her terms since then.. of how she intends our relationship, mariage.. sex life.. to b.. in d begining.. she decides when to unlock for piv with her.. im beter b ready.. whether im supose to ejaculate or retreat n subside.. its her caling.. how i shd pleasure her oraly always with d cage on.. not only on bed.. but on al aspects ard d house.. house chores, male nudity, geting things ready for her work n pleasuring her again once she returns.. Ok, shes d one making a living for d household

 

One short note (and maybe more later) but it seems that in this thread masturbation equals a full orgasm. That ofc does not have to be the case. I can both masturbate (from time to time) and save myself for her.

 

I think, for most of us, the term "masturbation" means bringing yourself to a full orgasm. I take it from your post, you're referring to playing with yourself but not doing it long enough to reach an orgasm, is that right?

 

i think som of us who were chronic masturbators can feel him.. its like shaking off til d edge but not close enuf for ejaculation.. its like somhow guilt feeling has crept in again.. bringing about d abrupt stop action.. n gladly discount it off a non wanking..

 

You seem to desire what so few on this site are capable of. You appear to want to participate on her terms. Many men on this site claim they want exactly that, but what they constantly pursue is to “teach” their partners the benefits of doing chastity in a manner that meets their fantasies of chastity. Very long lockups no, PIV, constant teasing, edging etc. That or whatever their version of the chastity fantasy is.

In summary, good for you!

 

Well, playing with your dick is masturbation - it doesn't depend on whether you have an orgasm or not. The same with penetration sex and so forth. Its a name for the act, which doesn't tell anything about how you finish - before or after an orgasm.

 

My wife does not want me wearing a cage. I had tried several devices and I didn't like it either. We do honor system chastity together and she is all in. A cage is not going to stop you from having an orgasm if you want one. Even if you are pierced you can still cum with a vibrator. I go months without an orgasm and get tease and denial almost daily. I get my pleasure from serving my wife and using butt plugs.

I like cross dressing, wearing small panties, wearing tight jeans and booty shorts. A cage shows a big bulge which I don't want.

 

Yes, we've spoken about this and would be truthful. In fact we've actually answered one of our friends with the reply "it's for my chastity belt," and everyone laughed thinking I was joking.

A

 

Hi all,

I am new to the forum (will post an intro sometime soon), but just came upon this post, which resonates with my interest in chastity, connectedness with my partner, equity in relationship, etc.

My first thought is that this sounds like what I found in Devotional Sex http://www.devotionalsex.com/

More about meeting each others needs in the relationship (psychological, emotional, physical) than specifically FemDom/BDSM control. I agree, most women won't want to own the problem, they want a man who is dedicated them, share in pleasure, intimacy, communication, etc.

If you're up for it, give the site a read, happy to chat more and share thoughts.