For the locked man - How to make enforced male chastity work long term This are my thoughts on how increase the likelihood it actually works in the longer term. First you must ensure you have a comfortable and secure chastity belt that you can wear at least a week or so between lock ups. Break in is normally tough, so be careful, and give this the time it takes. Only then you can hand over the keys. We have a Neosteel Fun, and I am locked 24/7. My job, as her chaste husband and slave is to make this experience as enjoyable for her as possible. The better I do this the more she will enjoy it, and the more likely she will want to do more of this with you. Ask yourself “What’s in it for her?” And never forget that from now on that is always your top priority. You already know what’s in it for you. My job is also to eradicate any reasons for her to quit as my KH. Understand that the reality of 24/7lock up is a lot harder than your wank fantasy. You simply must be a man about it and endure when you are less sure about this. So, in times when I feel it is not all that fun, I need to ask myself if it is really worth risking the whole key holder set up by whining and trying to persuade her to unlock me. You must never get her to doubt that you really want this (even if you temporarily are in doubt yourself)! The only exceptions are skin rashes or wounds (that should always be brought up to her attention and decision). Treat your current lock up as the last chance you ever get to try this. If YOU decide to interrupt the lock-up for any other reason than serious skin problems caused by the chastity belt there is an overhanging risk (or likelihood) that she will not want to give this another go. Accept her decisions, whatever they may be. And don’t forget to thank her for doing this for you. Show appreciation and do what you can to be the best man she could be with. Boost everything you like about her and be more forgiving with the rest of her. She is only human after all. Being locked will boost your feelings and your desire for her. Ensure she gets all the benefits of those feelings. Do your best to be the best version of you. Work on your flaws, to show her what a good effect the current set up has on you. Even if you are dead tired in the evening, it is your job to give her at least 15 minutes of your best intimacy before you fall asleep. If you know she loves to receive oral, your job is to deliver just that. If she wants that once a month, twice a week or twice a day that is exactly what you will deliver. AND show her some gratitude for being such an amazing woman. Don’t be a door mat. It is far sexier to have a tame tiger at your leash than a wimp. Even a slave can be proud, strong and intelligent. Make her proud to be the one holding your key. With time she will realize how fortunate she is to have you at her feet, and how amazing it is holding YOUR key. Be transparent! Tell her what happens to you emotionally. Tell her you love her, not only as your KH, but as the mazing woman she is. Tell her when you are horny and frustrated and how she is the reason for that. Tell her when your body wants an erection but cannot (especially if you, as I, wear a full belt where attempted erections are not visible) and how frustrating and sexy it feels. Give her credit for keeping you halfway to an orgasm for as long as she desires. Get her to understand how strong your erotic bond is to her. In everyday life show her how much you love her. Be emotionally close to her. Kiss her, be romantic, give her honest compliments. Pay attention to her. If she puts on a new dress it is your job to tell her how good she looks in it. Tell her how fortunate you are to have met her. Thank her for sharing her life with you. Create opportunity for the creation of good memories together (as KL/slave but also as life partners). Learn her hormonal cycles and be especially observant her mood before menstruation. PMS can be devastating. An attentive husband or slave can make things much more endurable, especially during her monthly emotional rollercoaster. This is an excellent chance to show her some real benefits of keeping you locked up. Finally ensure she gets amazing sex in the way she prefers. Tell her how you love giving her great sex, while you only get frustration in return. Tell her how sexy she is when she orgasms. You have to show her how eager you are to give her those amazing orgasms. Stimulate the largest sex organ she has, her brain. Seduce her, make her feel loved and desired. Talk to her, but more importantly listen to her, and internalize what she communicates as important to her. Share your fantasies, but don’t try to top from the bottom. If there are any triggers or kinks that can serve as tools for her, share them with her, but leave it up to her to use this knowledge or not. Don’t write chastity or slave contracts! If she wants one she can dictate it while you take notes and type it out for her. Normally one rule is enough, namely “she decides”. Any thoughts on this?
For me it was easy. It worked cause she decided it should be done. I went along, never looked back and probably therefor it worked. When I wanted to get an erection and she saw it, she immediately had her horsewhip ready. That thing hurts and you will not get hard again without permission. I agree, as time goes on it gets much easier not to get hard. Also it may sound strange, but I got more satisfaction from going down on her and giving her orgasms. That really made me happy.
I like what you wrote and it is what I aspire to and fall short of. I simply can't maintain my discipline myself. I need her involvement and buy in or I lose my will and my way. I know what my wife and I have isn't the same for all relationships, but just as you so eloquently described our job, I still believe she has a job too. Otherwise I'm really just a self locker.
Doing your part over time might get her in the mood to be more active. Unselfishly giving often has that effect.
I can and do follow that line of thinking, but it eventually becomes unsustainable for me. She is very passive aggressive. If she decides she isn't interested in playing any more she withdraws and does nothing. At that point what do you do? What she wants is to stop, so if I keep going I'm doing the opposite of what she wants. Then I'm doing it for me, not for her. I can handle a week or two of no dominate actions on her part, but after that I see it as a pretty clear sign she doesn't want to continue.
It isn't that simple for us. I think what we are settling into is that she likes it a lot. She just gets to a point where it becomes unimportant due to everything else. Then we end up unlocking. After awhile we both start missing it. She remembers what she liked about it. Suddenly it is worth the effort and we re-lock. Cycle repeats. The first 4 months of 2019 were solid months for us. I suspect after our trip we may have another solid several months. I just wish it would really catch on for her permanently, but I don't think that is our fate.
I totally agree. In my case my wife had a very strict Catholic background (contrary to mine ultra liberal) and being married was a way to discover all that was possible. So the first 3 years (yes 3!) she adored being licked to an orgasm every night. Honestly, every night. Since the seed was not to be wasted we quite quickly came to chastity and piercings and whatever else one can imagine. On the other hand when I insisted she wear certain types of underwear, dressses, leather and even latex, she also complied. However as a person neither of us felt ourselves as slave to the other. Maybe more sub changing from time to time one way or the other. It was all about respecting each others wishes even when these modify over time.
This is exactly how it is for me and my KH. She originally suggested our lifestyle (to my absolute delight). Telling and showing her consistently how much I genuinely adore her, and how grateful I am for her being so amazing, makes it so rewarding for both of us. She gets an adoring attentive partner who is also her on-demand sex slave, and I get teased, denied, and taken on the most thrilling journey I could imagine. Mutual love and respect, and a willingness to give the other as much pleasure as possible (T&D and giving her multiple Os is my pleasure, and hers is receiving multiple Os), whatever form that takes, is what we think it’s all about. And our love and intimacy grows with each day.