Curious if there is any place to find an FLR agreement for level 3/4? I know everyone’s is different, but looking for ideas of how to structure different ways or ideas of financial control, control of husband personal time, husbands privacy control, life direction, sexual activity etc. Basically control of everything. We have tried to operate without and are learning we need better guidelines to follow, expect for discipline reasons. Would anyone be willing to share their guidelines for these areas. Not trying to be lazy, but we want to have a good structure in place. My wife wants full control, but doesn’t want to increase her workload either. Wants responsibility of reporting, etc on all to fall on me.
Sorry to say this but you cant have full control over somebody and just drop the responsibility. Thats never worked and never will.
Point well made. I guess I should have been more specific. She would like a level 3 but likes aspects to 4. She isn’t wanting to drop responsibilities. I am better at paying bills and managing money so that would be a challenge for her. She isn’t looking to drop the responsibility, but more expects me to be in a comptroller role as she is the CEO to review my work. Checks would be prepared for her to sign and so on. I would be given an allowance for my spending weekly and so on. Anything over that would require her permission. In areas where she is weaker, my strengths will be used and controlled by her. I hope I’m making sense.
and what is meant by level 3/4? Unfortunately, I'm a beginner, so forgive me for my illiteracy of chastity.
We don’t do agreements or contracts. They take effort for her to monitor. I perform the tasks that she would rather not do. There are some things she does like to do like laundry and cooking. Just sit down with coffee or a glass of wine and talk it over. Then do those things in a manner that she does not need to check on you. You might want to keep track of what you do. Butlers keep a “Butler’s Book”. It works. No joke, if you are serious about serving, it is a lot of work. The irony is, if you do very well, she may not notice what you have done for her.
In terms of a 3 or 4. A level 3 has more agreed to terms of control past sex. Agreement of head of household, life direction, marriage decisions, financial decisions, control as in privacy for location (able to see location at all times, privacy in terms of electronics and ability to check them freely. All she is allowed to do now. We are more wanting to understand ideas for what some do. For instance, I have seen some where the wife holds all the money in her account and her husband is given a weekly allowance. Past that he must ask for more. We more or less want to make this our own, but also looked for what others do as it could help us spark ideas for ourselves.
I’ll definitely look into the book. Thanks. I pretty much handle all the chores now except she loves to cook. I just prep it ahead and of course clean after. She is proud of all my work and learning to serve her better. I think what she wants ideas for are the other areas of control over me in our FLR. Financially, my free time, etc. I shine when it comes to chores. No pun intended.
If you are trying to not create work for your wife, then my advice is to forget the contract and forget the level 3/4. This just creates added paperwork and forces your relationship into an arbitrary structure that someone else defined. If you try to jump into a complex structure with tons of rules at the outset, then you are setting yourself up for failure because it will be too much for you to handle, you are going to pay more attention to the rules than serving her, and she probably is not going to care too much about most of the rules which in turn will frustrate you because she is not enforcing them. The approach of her being a CEO and you being the comptroller is spot on and a great approach. However, similar to what Xilah said, the best thing to do is talk it through. Focus on how you can best server her and what things motivate you to serve her, instead of trying to define a very structured relationship. Start with a few rules and protocols that are most important to her, follow them for several months until you get them down good and then add a few more. This approach trains you into lasting habits and prevents both of you from being overwhelmed by trying to do too much at once. My relationship has a lot of structure but it was built up over 15+ years of FLR. We've never had a contract, and while my wife has regular review sessions with me, she is not scoring me or checking every rule. That's too much work. Instead she focuses on the big things that need to change or improve and that enough to keep me in line. A contract can be a fun submissive exercise but in the long-term it's actions, enforcement, and communication that are most important. Just my two cents.
I think this is the challenge. The more control she assumes, the more she has to work. In my own life, I need a reasonable amount of autonomy to accomplish what pleases her, without her direct involvement. She knows I also need my personal time to work in my machine shop building motorcycles. I do come from the position of us having a very successful partnership. We work well together and she values that. I serve her best by offloading work from her rather than being directed by her. I know that doesn’t fit the fantasy, but it works in real life and long term. It sounds like you are covering the bases. Why not just relax a bit, enjoy where you are and see what else you can add? You are rebalancing your relationship, just give it some time and enjoy. Remember to have fun too! What I have found that pleases her a lot are the surprise extras. For example; she hosted some friends for an afternoon. Without her knowing, I got the food ready, the tea made, coffee available, fire set, lamps and candles lit, music on, and plates and cups set. She was delighted she could enjoy her friends and not worry about the preparations or cleanup.
My Mistress has taken more control recently by using Salfeld Parent Control ap. Blocks all porn, also blocks any website I want to look at, but can then ask permission. She unlocked this site, but anything else requires me to submit the permission button. It locks down at 6pm for dinner, again at 11pm until 5 am for sleeping. I can earn bonus minutes as she sees fit. Otherwise I get 2 hours per day except for the aps she had either unlocked or set for limited hours (music, podcasts, texting etc). Allowing her full control of my phone and key pretty much puts me in a position that I'm always in a constant subspace, and she doesn't have to do anything. She doesn't have to look at the app to approve my requests and knows that I don't have a choice. We do have a list of rules that may eventually become a written agreement, but for now she has me controlled how she wants me.
Thanks for the great advice. I do agree with everything said. She is a very type A personality. Everything has structure and guidelines. Communication and sitting down to talking through will be the best. Get her desires out and talk through how to meet them in her comfort zone.
Thanks for this. May be a good solution for her comfort over control of me. Let the app do the work. Unfortunately, porn is only used to excite me and deny me. Unauthorized viewing is met with a very harsh punishment I’ve experienced only once and never will experience again.
Agreed it becomes the problem. She has recently increased her control and “dominance” as she has gotten more comfortable and has begun to enjoy the benefits she sees for her now. The idea of a fantasy has slowly been removed from me and replaced with the reality of being hers and under her control. Somewhere I never expected in all my life till we practiced chastity. My submissive side was found and I found I loved it and wanted it more and more. I’ve seen a side of both of us that I didn’t exist. My first punishment was both a shock and painful lesson. I never knew she had it in her, but man did it increase my drive to serve her to my fullest.
Ours has definitely moved from fantasy to more 24/7. I open and close doors for her, assist with her jacket and chair at restaurants, she orders for me, she hasn't toweled herself dry after a shower in over a month, that's what she has me for. Likewise, a nightly foot massage at bedtime and lots more household chores. She's embraced denile December, allowing me 6 ruins but says she plans to edge me everyday. Thus far, she certainly has. Once she sees the benefits, my wife jumped onboard. Besides, me doing more chores allows her more time to plan and execute her ideas. We had a discussion last night about ever going back. She is adamant that she will not allow it to happen, and with me locked and her having full control of the phone and finances, I'd say I'm pretty well out of practical options, not that I'd choose to go back anyway. Our relationship is stronger and we've both never been happier.