Advice for a new Sub

You say that you are new to this and this question very much shows it.

Despite what you may read in chastity porn stories, D/s and chastity are consensual activities. Very few members on here who actually practice chastity for real will say that they are forced to do things against their will, though the levels of implicit or explicit consent for particular activities will vary widely.

Consent implies that both parties communicate and negotiate. Not just at the beginning but continually throughout the relationship. Any decisions made at the beginning will need to be adapted as both parties learn and gain experience of how chastity and D/s works for both for themselves and their partner.

Any Dom/me that does not allow their sub the opportunity to communicate properly and appropriately is setting up the relationship to fail. As a new sub, I know there is a tendency to think that you must always obey the Dom/me without question and accept everything they want. There's a meme out there that you can't be a "true sub" unless you accept every order without question. This is one of the most dangerous mental states you can get in to. Would you walk off a cliff if they told you to ?

So please get past the idea that just because you are a sub to someone doesn't mean you have to agree to everything without expressing your own views. A Dom/me has a care of duty to the sub which includes making sure they come to no harm.

One thing you will come to discover about D/s is that it is not really about the physical activities but is more about the mental side of things. This kind of rapport can only be achieved if both parties can communicate deeply and honestly with each other because there can be no secrets kept from the Dom/me. A D/s relationship requires vastly more communication and emotional expression than a vanilla relationship in order to succeed.

If your Dom/me is not prepared to listen to you, then they are not a Dom/me as most people here would recognise. You may have to express yourself in a respectful manner, but there should be no barrier to you raising genuine concerns or discussing your feelings with your Dom/me when it is important to do so.

In understanding that it can be hard at first to directly speak to question your Dom/me, one piece of advice I give that worked for me is for your Dom/me to require you to keep a journal. Here you can express yourself in your own time and with words that you feel you can't say to them face to face. It is the Dom/me's responsibility to read it regularly and follow up on any problems that are expressed. It must also not be used as an excuse for punishment because you must be able to write freely.

As for your CB questions, you are the one who will wear it. You need to find one that you can wear comfortably so I would say that it is a failing of your Domme to simply order you to wear one that could at best be uncomfortable and at worse cause you damage. Think duty of care again. I know the porno stories have it that a male is put in a CB and that he wears it ever after without needing to adjust it or having any issues. Real life rarely works that way. So in addition to talking to your Domme about which device you will get, you also need to talk about the breaking in process, how you will need some time with access to the keys to adjust it. And have you discussed hygiene and the need to remove it for cleaning ?

I know you want to jump in to this, but you also have a duty of care to yourself as well as to your Domme and your relationship.

 

If you have the money and want ot get it right - talk to mature metal.