I have been locked 24/7 for a while. In a long term long distance chastity relationship. I do not know what it is, but last night I went wild with the need to release. It made me realize that the cage really takes away any kind of sensation in your cock because the bars keep it from touching anything, whether the sheets, clothes, hands. It's like not even having a cock at all, unless it's trying to get hard and straining agains the bars of its little prison. But I couldn't do anything about it. Well, I could have done something about it, because my Mistress keeps one key with her and the second is left here in an envelope that has been designed to be tamper proof (i.e. I can get to the key in an emergency, but the envelope would be destroyed and it would be impossible to create a duplicate envelope to hide the fact that it was opened). I can't feel my cock. But boy do I feel my throbbing balls. I sit to piss. I can't cum. I feel like I've been turned into a female in some respects. The level of frustration is enormous. And, because all I have to do is tear paper to have my freedom, my cage really is kept on by nothing other than my Mistress' will and my intense and sincere desire to serve and please Her. The positive is that it is pushing me to new heights of devotion and desire to serve. I am being proactive in ways to be a better submissive to Her and ways that i can serve and please Her. The negative is that i am very sensitive to any changes in Her mood or bearing and it is very easy for Her to stomp on me (which is generally inadvertent). The benefit to that, is that it puts me in my place, that i exist to serve and please Her and She may treat me however She wishes. The physical urges have settled down a bit. i am glad that I am not in my 20s doing this. i think i would have gone crazy in the attempt.
i told Her about my ordeal and how i did not cave to the incredible temptation and frustration. She says She was smiling because it showed how i loved her. And i do love Her. i exist to serve and please Her. i really appreciated hearing that. i have continued to work on ways to serve and obey Her at a distance, giving Her as much power and control as possible over finances and my choices. Mostly, i find that i have made peace with my imprisoned state. i am much less governed by those urges, because i know i cannot do anything about it. i am looking forward to the next year going deeper under Her control, submitting my will to Hers. my next big challenge is communication. She is very assertive and sometimes i think She does not realize Her power over me. how can i tell Her without overstepping my bounds. After all, i did agree to become Her property, so how many rights would i have against Her? None.
It's been a few days, still locked. It's actually been amazing. i did talk to to Mistress about some of the things that She has done that hurt me. She was surprised and so was i, because She said that She did not intend for Her actions to have that effect and i have noticed that She has tried to avoid the same behaviours now. We had a good long talk and i shared with Her how my mind is changing, how i think about ways to enhance her pleasure. i told her that i have been reading to learn how to touch Her to make Her squirt. How i have been studying a bit of massage, so i can give Her the perfect foot rub. When She heard these things She had a big smile and was so excited, She was beaming. She said She was "so lucky" and that it wasn't any guy who would be so thoughtful. Hearing Her happiness and seeing her excitement, it made me feel good. i am looking forward to perfecting my new skills during Her next visit. More generally, i find that i am very comfortable locked. My mood is stable. The urges are gone. Completely gone. i don't even have an interest in porn (whether written or visual) anymore. My stress eating has disappeared. My focus and concentration is up. i remember reading a book during my undergraduate years called "The Scholar Warrior." An examination of the development of mind and body from an Eastern perspective, with obviously martial intent. One of the fundamental points of that book was that the foundation of such a person was the development of Jing (animalistic power), which was the foundation upon which Qi (strength of body and spirit) is built, which is the foundation upon which Shen (strength of mental functioning) is built. To build Jing, a person needed to refrain from sexual release. As you can imagine, a 20 year old buck in university is not going to have much inclination to stop sexual release, especially when surrounded by a bunch of nubile and willing women. Anyway, older me, locked me, is finding the benefits now. And it feels.... incredible. i am like Obe Wan Subnobe: "If you lock my cock, i will become more powerful than you can possibly imagine." i never thought i would say this, but i actually am wondering if i should try and avoid release when my Mistress visits, so that i can keep this feeling going. i like who i am when i am chaste. i don't want to go back to what i was. i wonder where this will take me or whether Mistress will even agree to keep me locked.
Well done @HerServant I’m only about twelve days into being locked for the first time. But, I went through a few tough days already such as you described in your first post. It is hard, but you should be proud you proved your mettle. It’s great you and your Mistress are learning to communicate more effectively. And, it’s always worth the suffering when your KH tells you she has been pleased. Good luck in your journey.
Two weeks today that i have been locked. My first thoughts when i wake up are of my Mistress and when i fall asleep too. She arrives in two weeks and i have got most everything ready for Her visit. i asked her about what types of essential oils She would like for Her massages and foot rubs. So, i have those instructions now too. i asked Her today if my talking about my desire to serve Her makes Her uncomfortable. She says She is not used to it and i can understand that. Overall, i think that She does like it. If She didn't She would not hesitate to tell me.
Mistress and i had a fight last night. i was upset because She was breaking too many promises to me. We talked for a long time and things seem to be in the mend. We are both finding our way in this FLR, despite who is in charge trust is still the foundation of a FLR, just like any other relationship. One thing that i found interesting is that when i told her that i feel secure because she has me locked up and collared, She told me that She feels secure because She has me collared and caged.