Introducing your partner to keyholding - what would help?

I think your on the right track with the more vanilla version of a blog to help new couples venture down this road. I would touch more so on things such as improved communication between couples, learned patience, and ultimately the feeling like you're starting your relationship anew through MC not to mention renewed intimacy. At least that's how I feel after being locked for a year now and I know my mistress would agree. I'm certainly much more attentive to her and am a much better listener. then maybe lead into the other things like having the male doing all the household chores and how he will love her for it.

 

The big mistake men make is wanting all the toys NOW. They overload their Wife or partner with information and are surprised when they don't want to play. I wanna wanna that one!

I am very drunk right now and this is one of the few occasions where autocorrect is actually helpful but I have some ideas to add for is tomorrow. See you then.

 

Don't forget to change your emoticon to drunk jasmic lol!

 

Hahah a ! Yeah! First time I've been drunk this year!

 

when I wanted to introduce my wife to chastity it was difficult because everything was so "porn" based and a ton of FLR stuff which I was pretty sure she wasnt interested in. I then found a nice article which summed things up nicely and she responded well to it. I think it worked so well because it took her through the emotional response from a womens perspective and then helped lead her to the same conclusion that the writer had, that chastity wasnt as weird as it sounded. The article: http://gweninlove.blogspot.com/2012/03/fulfilled-fantasy-male-chastity-device.html

 

Urghh.. As you can see at the time of writing this my emoticon is showing that I am hung over. It will be a good while before I do that again!

Ok, so my thoughts about this.

Be completely, utterly, unflinchingly honest. Remember that you have had time to process the idea of chastity but your partner hasn't. Have an actual reason why you want to do this. The fact that you have a useless clitty that must be locked up IS NOT A GOOD REASON!!!

Go slow. No boy, sloooooooow. Slower than that. Slower.... Slower...... Nearly there..... Ok. That slow. Take things one step at a time and under no circumstances try to get your partner to do all of your fantasies all at once. There is nothing wrong with fantasies, they are good, but your fantasies are very much not going to always be hers. Do not overwhelm your partner with thoughts, demands and ideas.

Under no circumstances sulk when she doesn't act like some mad femdom Misstress from an uber dungeon of hell!

How's that for starters?

 

Those are my own thoughts as to how to get your partner involved. Apart from your own bloody marvelous tumblr I have recently found this blog that talks straight and says it like it is. I love it!

http://www.notjustbitchy.com

 

It's not that complicated!

Start by introducing it in the bedroom. Put the keys out of reach so she isn't a keyholder, just a beneficiary.

Take it from there.

 

Thanks for starting this important thread. I know it comes up from time to time, but has not really made any impact here on the forum so far, it seems.
I think we need a vanilla face here on the forum. I know Admin is working on ideas in that direction. A starter kit , one for starter male subs and one for starter female keyholders. With focus on the FLR lifestyle instead of the kinks. Of course with links to a lot of good sources as mentioned above. I could have used such a tool when I was introduced, and so could he!
I will remind him to get going!

 

I intoduced my girl to tease and denial with this exact post.
http://healthysexymarriage.tumblr.c...-i-discovered-your-blog-while-i-was-searching

I know it's not exactly about chastity and FLR, but it's a nice starting point, one from which you can evolve your relationship.
Hope it helped!

 

I am lucky in that my wife of 45 years will try anything once and we communicate about our sexual desires very easily. My wife does not like to read about sex for some reason. In general she has poor reading comprehension and often misses the point of what she is reading. So I just told her about teasing and denial and went on the honor system She loved T&D and wanted to deny me longer. That is when I told her that I was willing but I would need a little help in the form of a chastity device. She told me to buy whatever I wanted and so it began. What made it really work for her is to relieve of her being my jailer who had to monitor me every time I was out of her sight. We simply discarded all the garbage we read online and had one rule; my wife makes the rules and she can change them whenever she wants with no prior notice. Her first rule was to always wear my chastity cage without having to be told to do so and the second rule was not to try to escape or masturbate. That was it. Chasity seems to work best when both of you are working towards a common goal. Caged or not, I will not masturbate. My wife is not a dominant person so there is no D/s relationship except in the bedroom. If I do not like what she tells me or I demand an orgasm without using my safe word, she will hand me the keys and that is the end of chastity play for me.

 

Hi,
I have been reading in this forum for a lot of years, and all the time I have been practising chastity for a couple of days at a time.
A couple of years ago (8-9?) I introduce chastity for my wife. But I had not tried out the device long enough, so I got som small wounds from it and that was the end of the story. My wife didn't want to hear anything about it!!!

In the years that followed I have tried a lot of different devices and in the beginning of this year I found a bounch of chinese knock offs that I bought in different sizes (I have tried both Ms Lori and MM, so normaly I go for the original - but this was cheap and I had nothing to lose - I have a review under chines devises). And it was a hit.

Our sexlife had over the years been more and more routine and with longer intervals. So when I said I had found a devise that was comportable and didn't hurt me and I wanted to be locked up thru one of the free online delay services, she just said ok, do that...

I had some small contact with one of the holders and when I asked her to hold my keys and also told her that my wife know about it, she immediately wantet to have contact with my wife, to give her tips and to support her... That whas (at that time) a little scare and my wife did not think it was a good idea. But she said ok to get reports from the holder, as long as she didn't have to respond (this was about a week in to the session when she said ok to the reports).

We started with the session and after a week when my holder started to give some information to my wife (and ordered me to take very good care of her - and of course I did), she started to like having massage every evening, and other benifits as well... She actually started to be just a little interested (as I have said to her earlier - whats the worst that can happend? That you start to like it?).

My holder gave her a lot of information (no I don't know exactly what and I don't know what they are talking about - and I don't want to know) but my wife change her attitude 100%.

This time I have never forced anything upon her, just asked a couple of times what she thinks. And my holder has of course pointed out that I'm not going to dom from the bottom. So everyting is in a speed that is ok with my wife... If I had started to push from the beginning, it had been a nice session with my holder and that's it. AND, my wife can see how much better she have it compare to before. I like spoiling her . But even if I want to talk about this a lot, e don't. It's normal life where she has a lot of attension (and I get a lot more attension as well) with some extras for her .

The situation right now is that I have been locked up near 50 days, I have been told that it probably will be at least 90 days, probably longer before "some" kind of release and I will be locked up again after it... So this is actually a lot more than I bargain for .

Anyway, for me it's a lot of luck involved. But in the process I have never pushed my wife and just showed her what it's like to have a locked up husband and she had started to like it. And a lot more than I could ever imagine.

 

I think the best thing for me was going in somewhat blind. My fiancé brought it up and showed me a picture of what he was thinking about getting. I told him I would try anything once. I had no idea where it would lead us. Once I saw how much he liked it I started looking into it a bit more. I did get overwhelmed with what I thought I was supposed to be doing. Once I got it in my head that there is no right way to do things it got much easier. I think the best thing for a woman just starting is chastity is whatever you and your partner want it to be and does not need to be extreme!

 

Hi,

No it's not a keyholding service (like the one you pay for). They are like a community for people without a keyholder that want the computer be in charge. AND people can interact with each other. You say if you want to hold the keys or if you are in chastity, or both. So you can set roles for the computerprogram and start the fun. Or, you can let someone else be in charge. Even if you give away control, you can set some roles, for example maximum time. Members can also vote for each other if they want a person to have more or less time.
When I started for small durations I put in some min and max time and let the computer decide. When I had talked to my wife, I asked a women that was a holder if she wanted to hold my keys. I was extremly lucky it was a holder that wanted to interact with my wife (her proposal - not mine and definitly not my wife suggestion). So it's nothing they have as a service, it was just pure luck!!!

Those comunities are free. for example; carlilock.com, emlalock.com, chastitylocked.com...

 

This is definitely a real need for me. I have been dying to introduce my fiance to chastity, but I am so scared. She knows I am submissive, but she knows very little about this type of stuff and seems a little scared of it.

I believe chastity is a great thing and improves intimacy. I have looked up lots of articles and books, but I worry that slot of them would scare her. I would love an article that explains the benefits for him and her, personal and relationshipswise from a female perspective, the article needs to show that it's not a weird scary thing, and that it strengthens relationships. I think it should use clean language avoiding words like cock,pussy, etc, and should not talk about more extreme things.

A great thing to add would be testimonials from women who were introduced to it and didn't know at first, but than experienced it and loved it.

She does not care for porn at all so that should be avoided.

A couple things that I have thought about using are:

http://www.chastityportal.com/information/what-is-male-chastity

https://keptforher.com/why-chastity/

 

For me I first showed my wife that my frustration is her benefit. We did tease and deny stuff for years before I finally got the balls to introduce her to male chastity...

Read my profile for a more detailed explanation of how I introduced my wife to male chastity.

 

We've played with my denial, she likes me more when I'm frustrated...

Well, after a week away with my mates, sharing a room, so I couldn't wank, I came home super horny. She left me frustrated... Made new promise not to wank when I went away to work the next week, that's when I locked myself up. She laughed her head off when I told her as she didn't believe I had not wanked.

Been locked up ever since, March 11th, at her instructions, at night only usually, but increasingly at weekends now too.

I got to cum the night I told her. Since them, I've had 1 ruined handjob and just 2 orgasms.

After my first orgasm ( after I was locked at her instructions) my behaviour changed, I was a bit nasty? She told me she regretted allowing me to cum. It helped my ongoing chastity.

When I'm frustrated, I fetch flowers home, much more loving etc, all reinforces my ongoing chastity need and her determination to keep me in my frustrated state.