We received our Bijou last week and of course it fit perfectly. Theres no physical problems at all. I've worn it 24/7 for 3 days and never had any issues. I can do anything I want without a pinch or a tug. Even slept through the first night without waking up once. Huge win in that aspect. But now I'm finding out how mental chastity really is. We took a break for a few days after a short 4 day denial (3 days locked) in which I got off every night. I was locked back up last night and was told it would be 5 days this time. We would discuss how we both felt about it prior to release and go from there. Today I have been all over the place mentally. From hating it to ok with it to somewhere in between. I assume this is pretty normal but how do others deal with the mental aspect of it? I told my KH how I was feeling today and she said she understood but was not changing course. The saying "be careful what you wish for..." is definitely the case today.
We started chastity 2+ years ago and it definitely takes new coping skills when you're locked. In the past, when I was horny or bored or bored and horny I would take care of it. When my wife dutifully locked me up and hid the key, I had to work at how to deal with that energy when it couldn't be released. My wife took a while to understand what chastity meant for me (and for her) so we learned together as we went. Last summer she got a little lax and I thought it was time to let her know I wanted to double down. She apologized and immediately embraced my feedback which has created a new set of issues for me. I was clear about certain things that I wanted to encourage her to focus on: - If I was locked up, she didn't need to give me breaks. - If I had to be unlocked for any reason, I wanted her to be diligent about locking me back up. - I don't need to orgasm every day, every week or even every month if she wants to push me. - I'm happier locked up than free. She has kept me locked continuously since August and I don't need a full handful of fingers to count the orgasms she has permitted. What I thought was difficult before is much more difficult now that I am never unlocked. In the past, she would let me out for sex, set me free for the night, didn't lock me back up for 2-4 days and I'd have fun by myself at times. Her focus now is tight and my begging just makes her feel whimsically powerful. She's happy to say no instead of contorted by empathy. Not having that break, not having orgasms (even weekly) has pushed me to my limits. I'm learning new coping skills (again) and enjoying this new intimacy even more.
The mental aspect of Chastity is a lot harder than the physical part. No pun intended. The saying about Chastity not starting until you want it removed and your Key Holder won’t remove it is very true. I think most of us got into wearing a Chastity cage for the sexual thrill of it but as time goes on and our KeyHolders see the benefits of us being Locked the exceptance of our new place in life starts to take over. A lot also depends on how much your kept on edge. When I’m kept wet and wanting it’s more rewarding than having an orgasm, like I’ve said before to be held at the high sexual level of 80-90% is a lot better than going to 100% and dropping down after. The longer that a person is lock you also start to feel more secure when you have your cage on. It becomes part of who you are. Like Miss Shelly says I’m better when I’m Locked. You life takes a different meaning and having an Orgasm isn’t something you even think about because they are so few and far between. It is a different life when you except the mental part of Chastity but it’s Very rewarding. You become a different more loving person, at least I did anyway.
Yep, you'll find your thoughts all over the place. Sometimes you won't think about it, other times you'll be hornier than hell. Sometimes you'll accept it, other times you'll ask "why the hell am I doing this?" Sometimes you'll think three, four, five, six days is easy, other times five minutes will seem like a challenge. There's no accounting for it. It just happens.
@LesterBallard it's funny you said 5 minutes could be a challenge. I was being a total brat last night. That's when the cage came out. I know not to argue it. It would have went on either way. The hour that followed was pure hell. I don't think I had ever been that horny. I couldn't think about anything but my want to orgasm.